I did nazi how racist and xenophobic this cheese was before we purchased it.
Cheesey Post
Author: Jim Flanigan
Family Hysterical History – The Parents
Yesterday, I introduced you to stories from the childhood of my grandmother and her siblings, my great aunts and uncles. For today, I threatened promised stories of the parents, my great grandmother and great grandfather. I am making good on that threat promise, so here we go. First up is a story of how my family history is similar to the Trump family in one special way.
Family Hysterical History – The Kids
My oldest daughter has been working on the family genealogy, so she was thrilled when I stumbled across my paternal grandmother’s family history from the late 1800’s to 1975. I had no idea what a treasure trove of odd, humorous tidbits it would contain. Here we go with some memories from the 10 kids, who would be siblings of my grandmother who was already deceased at the time this history was written.
I just offered you a cartoon about mite cannibalism yesterday. How about we start today’s post with a story about chicken cannibalism?
Mite Be Funny #110 – Double Panel April Fools’ Day Edition
Flies On Washington Walls #145 – Special Multi-Panel William Barr Mueller Report Summary Edition
Am I an April Fool?
I had dinner scheduled with a couple friends on April Fools’ Day. I had planned to prank them by not showing up for the dinner. But now I get word from them that we need to reschedule because one of them has a conflict. Are they trying to prank me into thinking that they are not going to dinner, but actually are? Will I get an “April fool” call from them while they are having dessert somewhere after a hearty meal without me? Should I play along like I won’t be going to the dinner, drive around to restaurant after restaurant until I find them, and then give them one of these?
Or should I expose their ruse now, force them to admit they are still going to dinner, and then not show up in order to prank them? Or should I tell them that I have an incurable disease, only to reveal 10 years from now that it was an April Fools’ Day prank? That’s kind of playing the long game, but at this point, I’m so confused that I’m just spitballing ideas now.
Never make plans for April Fools’ Day.
Auto Envy
No, that title does not mean I’m talking about automatic envy, but automobile envy, although I do automatically envy my wife’s auto. I admit that I covet my wife’s car, despite it being the same model as mine and just 1 year newer. I even did the work to find the best deal so we could afford it for her. Can you guess which is my wife’s?
Give up? Her car is the pretty blue one on the left. By the way, we don’t own them. We lease. We haven’t been able to afford to buy a new vehicle ever since the Yugo ceased production.
I could deal with my wife having a nice color car. I want nice things for her. I want her to have a nice color car, a nice comfortable life, a nice husband. I’m still working on those last two, but at least I got the car color one right. So there was no coveting until I looked inside. Because of this, I want her car …
It was nice to discover today that when I really put my mind to it, and make a strong commitment to greatness, I can still eat a whole box of cookies in one sitting.
Monopolizing the Table
A while back, I broke the good news that my ten year old daughter was taking over handling the Monopoly game from our local grocery store. Let’s check-in and have a quick peek at how that’s going …
Persist to Resist
Well, Attorney General Barr did his job as a Trump lackey appointee and threw cold water on any Special Counsel Robert Mueller findings over the weekend. I think the passage of time will reveal some more positive takeaways, but for now, what do we do? This?
Okay, so I did a little of that myself on Sunday. The Mueller investigation was not the end game. It has spun off so many other investigations that will continue on. I also have a feeling that when House Democrats get their hands on the full Mueller report, maybe Trump will start to once again look a bit more collusiony and obstructiony when all the details are revealed.
So put down the bottle and ask yourself …
Feed My Soul & …
We didn’t make it to church yesterday. My wife and I have become disenchanted with the conservative turn our church has taken. At the service last week, the associate pastor was saying a prayer after that horrible mass shooting in a mosque in New Zealand. I wanted him to say something, anything about “our Muslim brothers and sisters.” I would have even settled for “our heathen Muslim brothers and sisters.” Just something to let everyone in the congregation know that we are all the same and connected, despite our different individual beliefs. I was so hopeful as I waited. Nope, just a generic “thoughts and prayers” to generic New Zealanders. Rather than heading to church yesterday, we discussed the situation and made the decision to change churches.
So we are heading across the river to a church that we have heard is more accepting to other religions, sexual preferences, and even used car salesmen. As I took a look at their Easter service schedule, I became a bit concerned.
I’m hoping the sunrise service at the cemetery doesn’t mean they take the Easter story too seriously to the point of trying to recreate it. I don’t want to start Easter like this …
Mite Be Funny #109 – Special Special (no, I’m not stutter-typing) Counsel Multi-Panel Edition
I’m Burning Off My Head & Nobody Cares
I’m burning off other parts of my body, too. And again, nobody cares. In fact, I just saw my dermatologist for my six month check-up, and when I told her about burning off my head and body bits, she gave me this …
I see her every six months for my cancer screening after she found and removed melanoma (skin cancer) from my back. At this point, I want to make it clear that this cancer survivor heartily welcomes, encourages, and appreciates your pity “Likes.” Go ahead, better click “Like” now before I die.
I have been cancer-free for almost five years now, and I do have a wicked-cool scar on my back. Although my family encourages me to NEVER remove my shirt, I do as often as possible to show-off the scar. My story for strangers sometimes strays from the truth of being a cancer survivor to being a kidney donor. I like to mix it up.
I was anxious to see my dermatologist since I was concerned about a few new spots on my back. I wanted to know if they were cancerous, or just seborrheic keratoses. That’s right, I also suffer from Seborrheic Keratosis. Sigh! Here’s a look …
That’s not so bad, right? Take a closer look … if you dare.
Expectation vs. Reality
My ten year old daughter and her friends often play a game of Expectation vs. Reality. They imagine the best result from some activity, and then they demonstrate the failed reality. For example, here is the dive they expect to do in the pool …
And then the reality they demonstrate is …
Maybe not that bad. That looks painful. I don’t want my youngest and her friends hurt.
Trump supporters play this same game all day, every day. For example, this is their view of the “National Emergency.”
Flies On Washington Walls #144
Concert Concerns
Lollapalooza is one of the great annual music festivals in the world, taking place over 4 days on Chicago’s beautiful lakefront over the summer. Lolla Tip: Don’t wear flip-flops. It can get swampy even if it is not raining at that specific time.
That may not be all rainwater. And if it does rain, well then, just go with the flow …
Beto Be Ready
Now that Beto O’Rourke is in the Democratic primary race, the rest of the field beto be ready for him. Get it? I know, that was a stretch. Sorry. But take a look at this real 2 acre crop circle in this field in Austin, Texas.
I guess you can say Beto is leading the field. Alright, I’ll stop.
A Sure Sign of Spring
Oh, how I hate winter. I have complained about it in numerous posts, some even poetic. But now I have hope as there have been signs of winter fading and spring emerging. Forget the robins arriving and me scrambling to get my taxes done. Forget Daylight Savings Time and my winter weight magically starting to melt off (okay, that is so NOT happening). Forget that I’m starting to tap my neighbor’s maple trees for syrup. That may be illegal, but at least I’m not trying to tap my neighbor. There is another sure sign of spring specifically mentioned in the first of my many winter rants/posts on this blog …
Mite Be Funny #108 – Special March Madness Multi-Panel Edition
New Music for Old Rockers – Special Mt. Joy Concert Edition
The odds were against it happening. I was in my hotel room after dinner, slightly undressed (I know, ew), laying in bed, with Rachel Maddow coming on TV in minutes. There was maybe a 2% chance that I would get dressed and go by myself to see indie rockers Mt. Joy in concert. I know, you will not believe it if I tell you I beat the odds, but I did. I have proof.
Continue reading “New Music for Old Rockers – Special Mt. Joy Concert Edition”
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 