Author: Jim Flanigan

Not a Republican Politician Story

~ Jim Flanigan

It might appear from the featured image and headline below that this post may be heading toward a story about Republican politicians like Ron DeSantis or Matt Gaetz, but it’s not. This post is NOT about any elected Republicans, but about an actual penis snake as shown in the picture that follows the headline.

You can see I removed where the penis snakes were found, just so you can make a guess. There is a hint in the first sentence of this post. Click HERE to link to the full story and check your answer, or read the following excerpt with the answer.

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Mite Be Funny #233 – A Bedtime Story

~ Jim Flanigan

Click this link for a special bedtime story, or read on to see a mite-specific excerpt.

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Open Water Swimming Was Closed

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

As you must know by now (since I post constantly about it), I am swimming across Lake Michigan this summer, primarily via laps in our small backyard pool.

Out of sheer boredom, I have been trying to schedule some open water swimming. But Saturday, my attempt to actually swim across the actual Lake Michigan was actually rebuffed as Lake Michigan was actually closed! Actually! I took our youngest daughter to stay with our oldest daughter on Saturday for a sister-bonding sleepover, and we stopped at beautiful Montrose Beach in Chicago on the way for a quick swim.

Montrose is a beautiful urban beach, complete with sand dunes. But on Saturday, it was closed because of a brisk wind from the northeast creating some dangerous riptides. I still wanted to give it a try. Where were the “my body, my choice” anti-vaxxers when I needed them to back me up?

Anyway, we walked and relaxed a bit on the beach instead of swimming. I had already gotten some laps in my pool, and after a half mile on Sunday (that’s 175 laps!), I find myself here in Lake Michigan.

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A Swinging Retirement

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 3 Comments

My wife and I have discussed where we would like to retire. Maybe some place with a little warmer climate, by the water, and with affordable housing would be nice. Hmm, sounds like a trailer park in Louisiana would possibly qualify for consideration. But not just any trailer park will do. How does Tee Boi’s Swinger Trailer Park in Louisiana sound? Take a look and decide for yourself.

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I’m Killing it Professionally Today

~ Jim Flanigan

Good things are happening for me professionally today. As you may have read in one of my previous posts, I am now an elected government official in my township. I went in to the township office to audit and approve some expenses this morning, and was pleasantly surprised to see this …

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Mite Be Funny #232 – Go for the Gold!

~ Jim Flanigan

Cancel Culture Canceled

~ Jim Flanigan

I apologize to Cleveland for satirically picking on them, but I am a Chicago White Sox fan.

In this satirical post, I have decided NOT to promote my book of short stories. I don’t want anyone to be confused and think the info about my book is satirical. It’s not. I really did write a book of humorous and contemplative books about the afterlife.

Seriously, if you don’t believe this is real and not just more satire, click this link to buy the book on Amazon for under a buck.

Go ahead, prove it to yourself. I dare you.

Open Water Swimming Was Open – Part 2 – The Temptation

~ Jim Flanigan

As I teased in my last post, I was tempted after my swim last Saturday. Being America’s Friend, I was speaking to a total stranger despite the stranger wearing very tight shorts and sporting a somewhat satanic beard.

I was also wearing very tight swim shorts, and they were quite wet. We were both standing just outside the women’s locker room. And then the stranger tempted me to do something I haven’t done in years. He slipped me his card with his contact info. If I gave in to the temptation, I would meet the stranger again on the 1st of August for a dalliance into what I can only describe for me as … forbidden fruit.

The stranger had tempted me with this irresistible offer.

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Open Water Swimming Was Open – Part 1

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

At my age, with a pandemic still raging all around, when there is something I want to do, I know I best do it quickly or maybe never have the chance. I mentioned in a recent post that I want to take my swim across Lake Michigan out of pools and into open water. I wasted no time and did just that this past Saturday.

I found a great lake to do an open water swim, but not a Great Lake. It wasn’t a good weekend to head to Lake Michigan (one of the 5 Great Lakes) to swim, because we are fostering 2 puppies. Who wants to see puppy pictures and video? Well, maybe if you’re nice and like this post, or better still, beg me, I’ll post some puppy stuff. Anyway, I found a great lake just about 40 minutes up the river from us that was hosting a morning open water swim in beautiful, crystal clear waters. Take a look …

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Mite Be Funny #231 – Back to Work!

~ Jim Flanigan

Who wants to buy some Mite Be Funny merchandise? Mite Be Coming Soon!

In the meantime, buy my book. If you don’t, I may do a Mite Be Funny compilation, and nobody wants that to happen. Click HERE to buy the book below.

Lilypaloser

~ Jim Flanigan

Cut kid in the featured image, huh? In the immortal words of Rodney Dangerfield …

We are currently dealing with a loser in our household – our Easter Lily out back by our pond. The result? Take a look …

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Bored in the Middle of Lake Michigan

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Take a look at your calendar, and you’ll see that summer is half over. Unless you live in Canada. Summer’s already over up there. I wonder if it’s already over in Chicago. We’ve had some cool, rainy weather recently, which makes my pool quite chilly and my motivation low to swim in a frigid pool. Today is just such a day. My toes are turning blue at the thought of a pool swim today. Regardless, here we are, halfway through calendric summer, and I’m halfway across Lake Michigan at just over 11 miles into the swim.

I can’t get too bored and stop swimming. I’m figuratively in the middle of the lake. If I stop, I’ll figuratively drown! So, on I swim. But I have to spice things up. I think I need to take this swimapalooza on the road. Sure, I swam in hotel pools the past two weekends in Nebraska and Minnesota. Pardon me while I yawn. I yearn for open water. I feel the need to get some mileage in Lake Michigan itself. I will let you know if I muster the motivation to head to the greatest of the Great Lakes and actually swim in it.

If you have to deal with cool, rainy weather, what better way is there than to curl up with a good book? If you don’t have one, I suggest you settle for my well-reviewed, crappy book.

Click here to order from Amazon for under a buck!

I Made a Friend at the Hotel Pool

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

As we traveled last weekend, I made sure I got my laps in at the hotel pool, because as readers know, I am swimming across Lake Michigan. One added benefit is that I made a new friend at the pool. I do consider myself America’s friend and sweetheart. He was an older gentlemen, and we were alone in the pool area, ostensibly to swim laps. But he confronted me with, “Can I ask about your weight?” Uh-oh. I looked for the closest exit in case his next question was an invitation to join him in the hot tub. But it wasn’t. He just had a question about my weight. Then my mind flashed to this tweet I had seen and wondered if his question might go this way.

But our conversation didn’t go that route. I told him that he could ask away, and he asked me this legitimate question.

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Another Life Hack from Jim – Hairy Arms

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

I have hairy arms. They don’t bother me, although a few small children have been frightened. However, I know some readers may wish they had less hairy arms. The solution is simple. Overeat until you are morbidly obese. Your arms will be much larger, your skin will stretch, and there will be much more space between each arm hair giving the impression of overall less hair.

My book of short stories starts with one where God is depicted with very hairy arms.

Click this link to purchase my book on Amazon for less than the cost of a cheap plastic razor to shave your hairy arms.

Mite Be Funny #230 – Bucket Lists

~ Jim Flanigan

It takes more than a bizarre sense of humor and just a touch of moxie to produce a Mite Be Funny cartoon every Sunday for years now. It takes cash, and lots of it. No wait, that’s my heroin habit. Regardless, send me a buck to keep it going. In return, you get my book of short stories.

Click this link to purchase it on Amazon.

Forgoing Foraging

~ Jim Flanigan

I’m traveling again this week, this time to Minneapolis, Minnesota, so you know what that means for me – no foraging. And at the height of berry-picking season, too! My family is so thoughtless. I did forage some mulberries, black raspberries, and gooseberries before I left and stuck them in the refrigerator to await my return.

Apparently, our hotel has an issue with guests foraging some of their equipment. This sign was in their elevator.

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What’s the Best Thing to Come out of Iowa?

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 7 Comments

Interstate 80, of course. That’s an old joke. Also known as I-80, this highway crosses the US from east to west and goes right through Iowa.

This past weekend, we drove 432 miles from our home in Illinois to Omaha, Nebaska on Saturday and back on Sunday for a wedding, most of it on I-80. We almost didn’t make it. Where were my dress shoes? Oh, there they were, back in the dark & dusty recesses of my closet.

I first had to evict the dust bunny that had made my right shoe its burrow. Then, I got the powerwasher out and did my best to clean my shoes. I think they turned out okay, although I may have had the powerwasher turned up just a bit too high. Take a look …

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Mite Be Funny #229 – Have a Safe 4th of July

~ Jim Flanigan

Weight Loss Through FATSing

~ Jim Flanigan

No, I didn’t misspell “fasting.” That’s FATSing, my trademarked and patent-pending weight loss scheme scam system. It’s not a diet. It’s a weight loss system. You see, after giving up a month ago on any significant weight loss this summer, I lost 3 pounds in June using my FATSing system. That puts me within 3 pounds of my original goal of losing 20 pounds set over a year ago.

FATSing stands for Fitness Awareness Testing System. And then I stuck an “ing” on the end for no apparent reason. The way the system works is this …

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Mispronunciation Nation

~ Jim Flanigan

I had a plan. Americans love mispronouncing words. In an effort to make Americans seem smarter (Editor’s Note: You aren’t), I was planning to champion the cause to make the word “supposably” an acceptable alternative pronunciation for supposedly in common parlance. Americans mispronounce it that way all the time. As a significant social media influencer through this blog (Editor’s Note: He’s not), I planned to use “supposably” whenever possible. Supposably, this should have worked. See how easy that was?

Except, supposably is an actual word. Take a look …

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