Jim Flanigan Looks at the World
Turning the Mundane into Fundane Since 2015
I was shocked when I saw this email message from WordPress I received.
Well, that was unexpected. It turns out that I will be able to purchase half a candy bar at the Dollar Store after all. Could it be that the WordsAd advertising I have enabled on this blog is actually paying off? Let’s take a peek.
Continue reading “Copy Me & Risk the Consequences”
I was cleaning out my personal email, and I literally groaned when I saw this in an email covering some consumer news.
How long do you think it will be before we see this on Faux News?
Continue reading “Oh, Baby!”
I had to write a letter to my 13 year old daughter yesterday for some Church thingy. In the letter, I mentioned that God is not some bearded old man in a flowing robe. Sounds like me on a Saturday morning after not shaving all week. But what if God is exactly that?
What if God is just like one of us?
Continue reading “What Does God Look Like?”
Is the red carpet at the Academy Awards huge like that kid says? Don’t ask me. It looks like I’ll never know. I should’ve known better than to buy a plane ticket to the 2023 Academy Awards so far in advance. You remember the Oscar I was almost assured of winning? Well, now that’s slipped out of my grasp.
I was cut from the movie. I didn’t even make it onto the cutting room floor. My scene was cut before filming even began. I was given some lame excuse about the restaurant my scene was to be filmed in was no longer available. I suspect it was the dastardly work of one of them jealous Hollyweird types like Matt Damon. He’s very paranoid about anyone else succeeding.
See what I mean? I wasted a whole week experimenting with make-up and mugging into the mirror to practice stealing the scene.
Continue reading “No Red Carpet for Me”
I tried to search in this blog for the last time I recently saved a life, but honestly, this blog is loaded so full to the bursting point with nonsense and BS that I can’t find it. But I do recall it. Or maybe it was saving a life by not killing someone. Regardless, I did find this lifesaving story from almost 4 years ago. Anyway, yesterday, while waiting at O’Hare Airport in Chicago for my 13 year old daughter’s flight to arrive after a school trip to Washington, DC and NYC, I did it again. I saved another life.
As I was killing time before my daughter’s flight arrived, I wandered around racking up the steps. It was at the top of a down escalator when I noticed an older woman struggling a bit to take the escalator down. It looked like she planned to ride the handrail of the escalator down rather than standing on the steps. And that doesn’t normally go well.
Then I realized this woman had missed the steps, and she was hung up straddling the handrail. If you are younger, missing the steps can be okay as demonstrated by this guy.
Continue reading “Hero Time … Again.”If a totally hypothetical former President gets divorced for a third time, gets remarried, and somehow reelected, will his new wife be known as The Fourth Lady? Asking for a friend. Just kidding, he doesn’t have any.
Editor’s Note: I don’t have editorial access to change the title, but I can add a revised title below.
Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy Moron?
Editor’s Note: That’s better. Read on.
The other day, I received two financial rewards in the mail. One was a check for over $9000 from a customer paying their invoice from my small business. The other was a $50 Visa gift card as payment for my participation in one of my market research taste tests. I know the financial ramifications of receiving that $9000 check are better for my family, but I was more excited about the $50 Visa gift card. Am I a bad guy?
Editor’s Note: Let’s change that last line to match the revised title.
Am I a bad guy moron?
Editor’s Note: That’s better, and YES!
It was so weird watching the Academy Awards, knowing that I will probably be walking the red carpet there next year. Yep, I got the script for the movie that I will be in, and I see an Oscar in my future. Here’s the part of the script that pertains to me.
“They endure whispers and stares from the sparse all white, post lunch crowd.“
Hey, that’s me, one of the sparse, all white, restaurant patrons. I fully expect a nomination for Best Extra in a Non-Speaking Background Role in a Short-Subject Film. I’m trying to pattern my whispering after Norm Macdonald.
Now that’s top notch whispering. And as far as staring …
Continue reading “Academy Award Thoughts”
Like you really care. I’ve been silent for most of this week, and I haven’t even received one “Please Post Soon” card. All I’ve gotten is an overdue gas bill warning me that I’ll be without gas if I don’t pay. As if I would ever be gasless. I wish! So does this Brazilian model.
Although I warned you that there may be changes coming to this blog, at least fart content remains. Full fart story here. Most changes I had planned were pertaining specifically to how this blog looks, content, ads, etc. That hasn’t really worked out as planned. It seems that unless I give WordPress a lot of money each year to “upgrade” this blog, then some desired features are unavailable to me. More money poured into this blog? That’s like investing in WorldCom and ain’t happening.
But there are a couple really good things happening.
Continue reading “Where’ve I Been?”
People must think I am a considerate driver. When I come to an intersection with other cars, I often wave the other cars to go ahead of me, even if it should rightly be my turn. But I don’t do it to be a considerate driver. I do it because it gives me an incredible feeling of complete and ultimate control over the other cars and their drivers, like I’m dictating their actions and bending them to my will with a casual wave of my hand. I determine when they come and when they go. They have absolutely no control. It kind of makes me feel all powerful, and dare I say godlike or at least giant handlike like this …
Am I a bad guy?
I’m not sure why my last post was sadder. Was it because I did not get an extra role in the Netflix series filming in my town this past week, or was it because I have a pathetic desire to get on television? Maybe both?
Well, I turned the page and snagged a movie role instead. Could there be an Oscar in my future? Definitely! I think Oscar is the name of the cameraman who will be filming the movie.
So, which movie? Here’s a synopsis.
And did I snag the lead role of old racist George?
Continue reading “Goodbye Emmy, Hello Oscar”
I had plans to revive my television career and win an Emmy in 2022, but those plans took a hit this past weekend. Oh, did I bury the lead that I previously had a career in television? I had a supporting role on the game show Shop ’til You Drop. I was on a business trip to California many years ago, went to watch a Shop ’til You Drop taping in Hollywood, and was plucked out from among the rabble in the studio audience to play a supporting role on that episode. I got to wear a colorful clown wig saturated with shampoo that contestants smelled in an effort to guess the brand of shampoo. I wore the wig well, bringing a never before seen regal dignity to the role and fully expected an Emmy nomination for my performance. Sadly, it never came. Probably due to the Irish prejudice rife in Hollywood in those days as evidenced by this Itchy & Scratchy cartoon from that era.
After hanging around the studio’s back alley entrance for a few weeks unsuccessfully waiting to be discovered after my breakout role, I grudgingly left Sin City to return to my career as the Sales & Marketing Manager for a Midwestern temperature sensor manufacturer. Yawn. It was difficult after having tasted the forbidden fruit growing on the seamy underbelly of Hollywood. Oh, wait, scratch that. I forgot, my wife sometimes reads this mess.
Anyhoo, I fully expected that my television career was about to be resurrected this past weekend after seeing this in the local paper.
Continue reading “My Emmy Dreams are Fading Fast”
If COVID is indeed on the wane, then now is the time to plan a summer vacation. I’m doing so by eliminating parts of the country where I definitely won’t vacation. It’s pretty automatic to eliminate the whole West Coast due to annual summer wildfires, sometimes referred to as liberal barbeques by Republicans. But this year, I’m also eliminating the whole East Coast. Why?
That’s enough to keep me away from Rhode Island, but the actual details are much worse than I ever expected.
Continue reading “Vacation Planning Time”
Always remember, success at Wordle primarily involves luck and happenstance, except for the times you solve like this …
Then, Wordle is 100% dependent upon skill, intelligence, charm, savoir faire, and dashing good looks.
When I last checked, there were 461,595 people ahead of me in line to get truthing on Trump’s new Truth Social platform.
No matter how many times I clicked on that spinning refresh icon next to that large number, the app still showed me at 461,596th. And then all of a sudden, I got an email telling me I’m in! Allow me to clarify … I received 24 emails telling me I was in. As the email clearly stated, “we are still fixing many bugs in our technology.” Well, I guess that’s some truth.
The app directed me to set-up a profile. I needed a Truth Social name, profile pic, and background pic.
I waited to be immediately blocked, but I was surprised to see this.
Continue reading “I Can Finally Speak Truth”
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 