Vacation Planning Time

If COVID is indeed on the wane, then now is the time to plan a summer vacation. I’m doing so by eliminating parts of the country where I definitely won’t vacation. It’s pretty automatic to eliminate the whole West Coast due to annual summer wildfires, sometimes referred to as liberal barbeques by Republicans. But this year, I’m also eliminating the whole East Coast. Why?

That’s enough to keep me away from Rhode Island, but the actual details are much worse than I ever expected.

From the article, “An invasive species of spider the size of a child’s hand is expected to “colonize” the entire East Coast this spring by parachuting down from the sky, researchers at the University of Georgia announced last week.” Even worse, there are millions of these 3 inch long Joro spiders on the way.

Why are they called Joro Spiders? Per the article, “They’re named for Jorōgumo, a creature of Japanese folklore that can shapeshift into a woman or spider before killing its prey.” That sounds nice.

A small bit of good news is that their fangs are too small to break through human skin. Fangs? Sorry, but I have to say, “Fangs, but no fang you very much” to the idea of an East Coast vacation.

And then there’s Texas, which is eliminated as a vacation destination for so many reasons. Here’s one more.

Besides just having a venomous bite, they also:

  • Have venomous legs, too!
  • Can grow to 8 inches long.
  • Feed on rodents, toads, snakes, and lizards.
  • Say to the Joro Spider, “Hold my beer” as the centipede’s venomous bite can indeed pierce human flesh.
  • Have venom that can cause skin necrosis, muscle tissue damage, kidney failure, and even heart attack.

The Lone Star State for vacation this summer? Not a chance. More of an I’d Rather Be Alone Star State in my book. Maybe 1 more summer of COVID quarantining is in the cards for me.


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