Vacation Planning Time

If COVID is indeed on the wane, then now is the time to plan a summer vacation. I’m doing so by eliminating parts of the country where I definitely won’t vacation. It’s pretty automatic to eliminate the whole West Coast due to annual summer wildfires, sometimes referred to as liberal barbeques by Republicans. But this year, I’m also eliminating the whole East Coast. Why?

That’s enough to keep me away from Rhode Island, but the actual details are much worse than I ever expected.

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So Many Doobies!

Doobies are dominating today’s news. First, this happened …

Jet Kills Man

Full story can be read HERE. Sounds crazy, but who reading this can honestly say that they haven’t accidentally wandered onto a runway while a jet is landing?

So, where’s the doobie? That would be Airport spokesman Bryce Dubee who said officials do not believe the man was supposed to be on the runway at the time, but they’re working to confirm that and determine the events leading up to his death.

I know of only one person that should be anywhere close to an airport runway, and that would be the aircraft marshall directing the jets to the gates. You know them by their wands, ear protection, vests, and crazy dance moves.

Aircraft Marshall

Hey Bryce Dubee, stop wasting time and close the investigation now. There is no reason for anyone to be on a runway while a jet is landing.

This next news item was possibly the result of a significant amount of doobies. This California man went under a tanker truck full of wine … at highway speeds … to drink the wine … right from the tank … in his underwear. And best of all, there’s video …

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Bust the Trust

Last night at a rally in Houston, Lyin’ Ted Cruz bowed and paid fealty to Donald Trump.

Cruz bows to Trump

At the moment he bowed before his new dark overlord, Lyin’ Ted became Winning Ted in Trump’s view. At that moment, in the eyes of Trump, Cruz’s father was exonerated for being part of the plot to kill JFK. At that moment, Trump decided to no longer call Heidi Cruz ugly in public, although he reserved the right to still think she is.

The Trumps were in Houston to “help” Cruz in his Senate race against Democrat Beto O’Rourke, who could be the most exciting Senate candidate to ultimately lose. Let’s hope Democrats find something for him to do for a couple years until the next election.

Meanwhile, Cruz is running a campaign with this motto …

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Rick Perry Volunteers to Secure Borders in Advance of Papal Visit to USA

After withdrawing from the Republican presidential primary, former Texas Governor Rick Perry discovered that he didn’t have much on his plate anymore except waiting around for the felony charge pending against him to work it’s way through the court system. With a visit from Pope coming up, Perry decided to pitch in to get Texas ready for the Papal visit. The Pope is not scheduled to visit Texas, and Rick Perry aims to keep it that way. He’s lending a hand with inflatable fencing to ring the state with the goal to keep the Pontiff out.

Inflatable Anti-Papal Fence
Inflatable Anti-Papal Fence

“If the Pope sees the greatness of the state of Texas, he may just choose to settle here … illegally,” Perry suggested. He continued, “I mean, where he lives is full of Italians and he’s Hispanic. Why wouldn’t he choose Texas?”

When asked about the effectiveness of an inflatable fence, Perry replied, “He’s an older man, so these inflatable fences should be a cost-effective way to keep the Pope out, unless he brings his Vatican Guard to help storm the border.” Mr. Perry declined to comment on the likelihood that the Pope would fly into a Texas airport rather than walking or driving the Popemobile across the border.