Ever since I hung up my running shoes earlier this year and settled on walking and biking (once I fixed my bike) as my exercises for the future, I have noticed my fellow exercisers more. I no longer have to try and avoid people as I run so they don’t see my jiggling fat. I walk. I wave. I engage them in conversation … well, some of them. Here’s how I rank them from unfriendly to the friendliest.
#10 – Serious Cyclists
They are the absolute worst, wearing their fancy cycling clothes and teardrop-shaped aerodynamic bike helmets. There’s me with my teardrop-shaped body trying to give them a wave or nod, but they are always too busy going 100 miles per hour to acknowledge me back. Oh, was that a tree branch I accidentally left on the path?
#9 – Serious Runners
They simply cannot be bothered by someone not running. I always yell at them, “I was once like you,” but that only makes them seem to run away faster.
#8 – Swimmers
I have yet to encounter one while walking or cycling, but I imagine they would be preoccupied with breathing and trying to stay afloat. This ranking is subject to change after I encounter my first swimmer while walking or cycling the trail I use.
#7 – Hill Climbers
When I walk or bike, my route normally takes me past a sled hill. People run up the hill and trudge back down. They don’t really want to be doing that. The best I can expect is to make eye contact and see their expression that says, “Kill me.”
#6 – Motorists
I know, they are not exactly exercising, but they are sometimes thinking about it or perhaps on their way to a health club to exercise … but maybe not these days. Regardless, in my area, I get some nonchalant waves (BTW, great name for a band).
#5 – Casual Cyclists
I will cut them some slack. I’m a casual cyclist. Here’s a recent gif of me cycling this summer …
When I’m out cycling at the harrowing speed of 10 miles per hour, I try to keep both hands on the handlebars to avoid accidents. I did a flip over the handlebars once like the first gif in this post and broke my pelvis. However, I do nod. I expect a nod back and quite often get it.
#4 – Alternate Exercisers
These people using odd machines seem to crave attention. Why else would they walk on a machine rather than just walk? And is a space helmet really necessary when walking?
I wonder if there are other models that don’t require walking on an incline.
Forget I asked. These machines are so horrible to use that all attention must be focused on exerting great effort to get them to move forward and avoiding hills at all cost. However, you will always get these exercisers looking at you to make sure you are looking at them using their odd contraptions. How could we miss them?
#3 – Casual Runners
They are typically out cheerfully jogging at a reasonable pace. God, I hate them so much and want to be one of them again. Anyway, it is easy to get a smile, nod, wave, or “hello” out of them.
#2 – Walkers
We’re so slow that we can have a full conversation as we approach each other. My advice is to stick to the weather and not how Donald Trump is an asswipe, especially if you can’t run any longer.
#1 – Walkers with Dogs
People are generally horrible (especially serious cyclists – see #10 above), but dogs make us better and friendlier.
The bird agrees.
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 