I took a couple weeks after November ended to determine if I had lost a weight loss battle or the entire war. The month of November was certainly my weight loss Waterloo, and I don’t mean the city of Waterloo in Iowa, home of the Sistene Chapel reproduced in spray paint on the walls and ceiling of a warehouse turned into a restaurant that is now closed. Thanks, Covid.
No, I’m talking about Napoleon’s Waterloo where he lost his final battle while also gaining 5 pounds thanks to a cheesecake binge. I lost a major weight loss battle in November. Fat cells are now occupying my liver, and they are threatening to invade my pancreas unless their demands for sugared sodas and cake are met. However, I may not have lost the war. Signs in December are positive about returning to or close to my goal weight I met over the summer.
I can break November into 2 distinct halves. The first half of November was characterized by 4 things:
It was cold and snowy yesterday. We’ll be hovering around 0F/-18C for the next couple of days, and we received a couple more inches of snow yesterday in this bitter cold. So, I went looking for things to do after I got rid of a car full of diapers.
No, they were not for me … yet. They were for a food, diaper, and feminine hygiene products drive that I participated in today. I wish someone could tell me why there are never masculine hygiene products donated. Seems sexist, but what do I know? Don’t answer that. Anyway, here are some things I found to consider doing on cold and snowy days this weekend.
Find Your Cock
Get your mind out of the gutter. Maybe this will explain it a bit more …
It’s oppressively cold here for the next week or so. What genius decided that this planet was habitable? Anyway, here’s a bit of poetry for the bitter cold. Feel free to add your own lines to create an even longer and more painful poem to read.
Winter’s grip of ice and cold is more than I can bear
As I rend my clothes in deep despair.
Now I sit shivering in my underwear,
Glad to not be completely bare,
And wishing I had even more body hair.
So I sally forth completely aware
That frostbite may require medical care.
But fear not for my general welfare,
For I awake and find it was just a nightmare.
Wait, no it’s not. It’s the freakin’ Arctic out there.
Bonus Content Alert
If you’re feeling lucky and want to risk extending this post beyond the poem and delve into the depths of Omaha, Nebraska winter weather and one-hit music wonders, then click to read more …
On the third day of my Twelve Days of Blogging, I’m going to offer you a rerun with new content. I hadn’t planned on dredging up this poem from 2017 filled with my winter ire. And I’m not talking about winter irie, which is a good thing.
Yah, mon. I wish everyone an Irie Xmas in Jamaica.
The reason I resurrected the poem is that I’m spitting-venom mad at winter. As someone who suffers from seasonal depression due to lack of light, I always happily celebrate the Winter Solstice. The days are getting longer now. Except this solstice pissed me off. I expected to wake up this morning to an early dawn. Nope, Still dark and cloudy.
And speaking of cloudy, I missed seeing the Jupiter-Saturn celestial convergence. If we had a clear night sky, I am sure I would have been one of many gathered on the local sled hill gazing at the heavens to see this once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event. Nope. Nothing but clouds. And I had this joke all ready to spring on my neighbors …
Gee, that kid in this blog’s feature image is homely. Anyway, I’m trying out new enhanced blog capabilities once again, this time embedding Twitter videos. Winter is finally hitting Chicago this weekend, so now seemed to be a good time to unleash some Twitter winter weather videos with a COVID theme, all from @RexChapman.
For now, my 2 youngest daughters are remote learning and my wife is remote teaching from home. We have “schools” in our dining room, kitchen, and family room. Thankfully, none of them look like this …
It’s just as well that we are all home and not having to battle icy conditions like this lady with a backpack.
The last time I updated you on my efforts to reach my weight loss goal of 20 pounds (for those of you still living in medieval times, that comes out to 1.43 stones), I had fallen short in September. I was stuck at 17 pounds at the end of September after really working out hard that month. With cooler weather coming, I faced the prospect of no more swimming workouts in the convenience of our backyard pool. I am simply not up for a nice winter swim as some are.
Canadians, eh? And I cannot handle this exercise below freezing …
Oh, no. Of all the blog posts I could post after a slow blogging week, I choose to post a cartoon about mulch. And a multi-panel one at that? How can there be that much to say about mulch? Well, without further ado, here’s yet another mulch cartoon.
A couple years ago, I wrote about having SAD – Seasonal Affective Disorder. It was bad this year with some cold weather and snow coming early after Halloween. I was having such a hard time getting up in the morning in total darkness. I have 3 SAD lights in my office designed to simulate sunlight and help elevate my mood. In the mornings, I’ve been like this …
Except, without turning the lights off for much of the day. My lights do help me during the dark days of winter. However, I use them so much that I am concerned about sunburn and skin cancer.
After the winter solstice with the days lengthening, I expected the problem to be immediately solved yesterday. It wasn’t. It never is. Disappointment set in. However, I did come up with a solution that was brilliant for an idiot like me. I woke up 90 minutes later in the morning today. Voila! Sunlight greeted me. Starting work late won’t help keep my small business afloat and successful, but first things first. Mental health is most important. Take care of yours during these dark days of winter.
The early onset of winter has caused me to fall ill. I’m afraid I have become afflicted with a severe case of reverse vampirism. Now that cold and snow has settled in here for the next few months, I feel the need to get indoors before the sun sets. There is just no way I feel I can be outside in the cold, snow, and darkness. It’s going to be a long next 3 to 4 months.
Oh, how I hate winter. I have complained about it in numerous posts, some even poetic. But now I have hope as there have been signs of winter fading and spring emerging. Forget the robins arriving and me scrambling to get my taxes done. Forget Daylight Savings Time and my winter weight magically starting to melt off (okay, that is so NOT happening). Forget that I’m starting to tap my neighbor’s maple trees for syrup. That may be illegal, but at least I’m not trying to tap my neighbor. There is another sure sign of spring specifically mentioned in the first of my many winter rants/posts on this blog …
I see it all the time. I just saw it again today. A guy (it’s always a guy) wearing shorts in winter. Today it was below 0 degrees F. And he’s wearing shorts.
I’m torn. I’m not sure if if the guy is wearing shorts in winter to show how tough he is, or if he is just an idiot. Maybe I’m underestimating those guys. Maybe they are trying to be tough idiots. Maybe they are succeeding.
We had delightful weather in December here in greater Chicagoland. The first half of January was okay, too. My 10 year old daughter was able to ride the bike she got for Christmas several times. We made it halfway through the winter months without much pain and suffering. I didn’t feel the need to use my magic sunshine light to counteract my Seasonal Affective Disorder.
After a relatively mild December and first half of January, winter has arrived with a vengeance normally not seen unless I catch that I have been overcharged 20 cents for a can of soup at the grocery store. We got pounded last night with freezing rain that then turned into wet, heavy snow commonly referred to ’round these parts as The Widowmaker.
Is it a bad sign if my family encourages me to shovel fast to see if I can beat my record time?
I have been on weather-watch all week. Saturday is the day of the Women’s March, but this year there is not going to be a march in Chicago. Leave it to the local progressive women to organize one in the town next to mine.
Crowds of 500 to 5,000 are expected. How do you plan for that wide of a range? Will there be enough hot chocolate? I was tagged as being an able-bodied male who could act as a march marshal. They obviously haven’t seen my body. And shouldn’t we call a march marshal a marchal?
I was not thrilled when I saw early in the week a Saturday forecast of temperatures in the low twenties (F) plus a blizzard. Predicted temps are now in the high twenties and the blizzard may be Friday night. We may wake up to this Saturday morning.
The weather is cold. There are patches of snow and ice on the ground. More snow is on the way. The coldest part of winter is still to come in January. However, I am so happy to see our neighborhood already planning for next summer. Looks like our neighbors across the street are putting in a pool and changing cabana.