Tag: winter

I survived 2 Mageddons

~ Jim Flanigan

The past week was rough. First, we had Snowmageddon a week ago. I paid the price physically. Those 3 days of heavy snow and subsequent back-breaking snow removal were followed by 3 days of Coldmageddon. I paid the price mentally on those cold days. The 3 days of Coldmageddon were not the coldest Chicagoland has ever seen, but they were brutal, down to -16F/-26.7C overnight. Highs during the day were subzero F and around -18C. Cold enough that the train track fires had to be lit to keep the switches working.

And then we had a bit more snow and a bit more cold to finish out the week. We’re coming out of it now, and I look forward to days above freezing this next week.

I checked on fellow Chicagolanders to see how they were mentally coping with Coldmageddon. Here’s a Chicagoan who hit the beach.

I do love to swim, but that seemed a bit extreme to me. I couldn’t even bring myself to go to the pool. I settled for doing this each day …

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There’s Snow Place Like Home

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

I’m not saying we’ve had a lot of snow over the last couple of days, but this is what my snowbrush looks like after clearing my car today.

Not to worry. I found a new/old snowbrush on our garage floor, where many of our possessions go to die or be found and used after being abandoned for years.

But then there’s this snow-related problem I can’t, or I should correctly say that I’m not allowed to, resolve.

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Rejection is Opportunity for Rejection Elsewhere

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 3 Comments

The one thing I have learned in my short career as a semi-professional writer is that rejection is inevitable. I get a weird feeling before submitting a story anywhere. I know the story will be judged which will make me feel like I am personally being judged, because the story is an extension of me and my alleged mind. It’s a very uncomfortable feeling. I have to force myself to click and submit the story. Then I’m okay, and I wait for the inevitable rejection. Thankfully, I have received an occasional acceptance.

After winning a small award for my first serious crime story in the first half of 2023, I struck out several times in the second half of the year with various short story submittals. Even a local writer’s group was not interested in hearing me recite some of the stories I submitted. I got busy with a new job that I took as a bridge to retirement and my writing has languished, although it has been the right decision financially.

It’s time to relaunch my writing career in 2024. I am ready for more rejection. I came across this humorous poetry contest with a $0 entry fee. That fits my budget perfectly. Now I am certainly not a poet, and I know it. Hmm, on second thought …

Sure, I have written poems in the past. Here’s a link to a winter poem I wrote years ago bemoaning the shortest day of the year on the Winter Solstice through which we just suffered yesterday.

I took advantage of my fear of lack of daylight by staying in yesterday and writing a humorous poem to submit. It is about my OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) keeping me from writing a poem about my OCD keeping me from writing a poem about my OCD, etc. I like it. It was cathartic. It is also one of the weirdest things I have ever written, and I have written some pretty odd stuff in the past. It features nuns. Need I say more? Is it funny enough to be award-winning? Hmm, I guess the decision to reject my poem will be up to the suspected heartless and unbearably cruel judges after I force myself to submit it. And I will submit it. I urge you to write and submit, too. Misery loves company.

A Beloved New Winter Character

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

There’s already a plethora of beloved winter holiday characters like Santa Claus, Frosty the Snowman, Krampus, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (drinking problem perhaps?), and the Grinch. But there’s always room for one more to gather around my yule log. Introducing Pumpkinman.

We have no snow on the ground, but I did have rotting pumpkins. What better use than this? And if you are so inclined, make a Pumpkinwoman or non-binary Pumpkinperson.

Pro Tip: Magic marker does now write well on wet, rotting pumpkins. It’s probably for the best. The face I was drawing on the collapsing pumpkin was trending creepy.

As a new holiday tradition, I’ll give you daily updates and pics on how Pumpkinman is doing. Maybe Pumpkinman will get himself involved in all sorts of hilarious antics like the Elf on a Shelf. Perhaps he’ll be smoking a pipe, wearing a jaunty driving cap, growing a carrot nose, or injecting his stick arm with heroin. We’ll see what hilarious mischief he may be up to. Pumpkinman and I wish for you plenty of good holiday cheer and clean needles.

Endless Summer Ends

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

We had extended summer weather into the first week of October here in Chicagoland. Temperatures exceeded 80F (>26.5C), and I took full advantage of them. Outdoor pools and beaches had closed in August, but I still had my secret illegal swimming pond open all year round.

With temps cooperating, I was able to utilize my secret swimming hole in late September and into the first week of October. People do ask me if I feel it is safe to swim in a potentially polluted pond. Well, I saw this near the pond and felt much better about swimming there.

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My March to Weight Loss

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

I need to focus on March for weight loss, because February was a disaster. I gained a pound. On second thought, considering world events, the added pound in February probably doesn’t really qualify as a disaster.

It wasn’t for lack of effort that I gained weight. My steps/cycles remained consistent.

Negating those consistent steps was my love for chocolate and Valentine’s Day intersecting. It would help if my wife bought me chocolate from the dollar store rather than from the fancy-schmancy chocolatier in town. Maybe she loves me so much that she wants there to be more of me to love. Well, in February, she got her wish.

But Valentine’s Day was just one day. That can’t be the whole reason for my weight gain. I think I know what the real reason is though.

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My Weight Loss Waterloo

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

I took a couple weeks after November ended to determine if I had lost a weight loss battle or the entire war. The month of November was certainly my weight loss Waterloo, and I don’t mean the city of Waterloo in Iowa, home of the Sistene Chapel reproduced in spray paint on the walls and ceiling of a warehouse turned into a restaurant that is now closed. Thanks, Covid.

No, I’m talking about Napoleon’s Waterloo where he lost his final battle while also gaining 5 pounds thanks to a cheesecake binge. I lost a major weight loss battle in November. Fat cells are now occupying my liver, and they are threatening to invade my pancreas unless their demands for sugared sodas and cake are met. However, I may not have lost the war. Signs in December are positive about returning to or close to my goal weight I met over the summer.

I can break November into 2 distinct halves. The first half of November was characterized by 4 things:

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Ice Ice Baby

~ Jim Flanigan

Mulch Ado About Nothing #11

~ Jim Flanigan

Things to do in the Dead of Winter

~ Jim Flanigan

It was cold and snowy yesterday. We’ll be hovering around 0F/-18C for the next couple of days, and we received a couple more inches of snow yesterday in this bitter cold. So, I went looking for things to do after I got rid of a car full of diapers.

No, they were not for me … yet. They were for a food, diaper, and feminine hygiene products drive that I participated in today. I wish someone could tell me why there are never masculine hygiene products donated. Seems sexist, but what do I know? Don’t answer that. Anyway, here are some things I found to consider doing on cold and snowy days this weekend.

Find Your Cock

Get your mind out of the gutter. Maybe this will explain it a bit more …

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Jim’s Poetry Corner for a Circular Room

~ Jim Flanigan

It’s oppressively cold here for the next week or so. What genius decided that this planet was habitable? Anyway, here’s a bit of poetry for the bitter cold. Feel free to add your own lines to create an even longer and more painful poem to read.

Winter’s grip of ice and cold is more than I can bear

As I rend my clothes in deep despair.

Now I sit shivering in my underwear,

Glad to not be completely bare,

And wishing I had even more body hair.

So I sally forth completely aware

That frostbite may require medical care.

But fear not for my general welfare,

For I awake and find it was just a nightmare.

Wait, no it’s not. It’s the freakin’ Arctic out there.

Bonus Content Alert

If you’re feeling lucky and want to risk extending this post beyond the poem and delve into the depths of Omaha, Nebraska winter weather and one-hit music wonders, then click to read more …

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A Poetic Seasonal Rerun About Winter

~ Jim Flanigan

On the third day of my Twelve Days of Blogging, I’m going to offer you a rerun with new content. I hadn’t planned on dredging up this poem from 2017 filled with my winter ire. And I’m not talking about winter irie, which is a good thing.

Yah, mon. I wish everyone an Irie Xmas in Jamaica.

The reason I resurrected the poem is that I’m spitting-venom mad at winter. As someone who suffers from seasonal depression due to lack of light, I always happily celebrate the Winter Solstice. The days are getting longer now. Except this solstice pissed me off. I expected to wake up this morning to an early dawn. Nope, Still dark and cloudy.

And speaking of cloudy, I missed seeing the Jupiter-Saturn celestial convergence. If we had a clear night sky, I am sure I would have been one of many gathered on the local sled hill gazing at the heavens to see this once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event. Nope. Nothing but clouds. And I had this joke all ready to spring on my neighbors …

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Twitter Welcomes a COVID Winter

~ Jim Flanigan

Gee, that kid in this blog’s feature image is homely. Anyway, I’m trying out new enhanced blog capabilities once again, this time embedding Twitter videos. Winter is finally hitting Chicago this weekend, so now seemed to be a good time to unleash some Twitter winter weather videos with a COVID theme, all from @RexChapman.

For now, my 2 youngest daughters are remote learning and my wife is remote teaching from home. We have “schools” in our dining room, kitchen, and family room. Thankfully, none of them look like this …

It’s just as well that we are all home and not having to battle icy conditions like this lady with a backpack.

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Weighting Out Winter

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

The last time I updated you on my efforts to reach my weight loss goal of 20 pounds (for those of you still living in medieval times, that comes out to 1.43 stones), I had fallen short in September. I was stuck at 17 pounds at the end of September after really working out hard that month. With cooler weather coming, I faced the prospect of no more swimming workouts in the convenience of our backyard pool. I am simply not up for a nice winter swim as some are.

Canadians, eh? And I cannot handle this exercise below freezing …

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Mulch Ado About Nothing #7

~ Jim Flanigan

Oh, no. Of all the blog posts I could post after a slow blogging week, I choose to post a cartoon about mulch. And a multi-panel one at that? How can there be that much to say about mulch? Well, without further ado, here’s yet another mulch cartoon.

SONY DSC

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SAD is Bad

~ Jim Flanigan

A couple years ago, I wrote about having SAD – Seasonal Affective Disorder. It was bad this year with some cold weather and snow coming early after Halloween. I was having such a hard time getting up in the morning in total darkness. I have 3 SAD lights in my office designed to simulate sunlight and help elevate my mood. In the mornings, I’ve been like this …

Light Box.gif

Except, without turning the lights off for much of the day. My lights do help me during the dark days of winter. However, I use them so much that I am concerned about sunburn and skin cancer.

After the winter solstice with the days lengthening, I expected the problem to be immediately solved yesterday. It wasn’t. It never is. Disappointment set in. However, I did come up with a solution that was brilliant for an idiot like me. I woke up 90 minutes later in the morning today. Voila! Sunlight greeted me. Starting work late won’t help keep my small business afloat and successful, but first things first. Mental health is most important. Take care of yours during these dark days of winter.

~ Jim Flanigan

The early onset of winter has caused me to fall ill. I’m afraid I have become afflicted with a severe case of reverse vampirism. Now that cold and snow has settled in here for the next few months, I feel the need to get indoors before the sun sets. There is just no way I feel I can be outside in the cold, snow, and darkness. It’s going to be a long next 3 to 4 months.

A Sure Sign of Spring

~ Jim Flanigan

Oh, how I hate winter. I have complained about it in numerous posts, some even poetic. But now I have hope as there have been signs of winter fading and spring emerging. Forget the robins arriving and me scrambling to get my taxes done. Forget Daylight Savings Time and my winter weight magically starting to melt off (okay, that is so NOT happening). Forget that I’m starting to tap my neighbor’s maple trees for syrup. That may be illegal, but at least I’m not trying to tap my neighbor. There is another sure sign of spring specifically mentioned in the first of my many winter rants/posts on this blog …

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Short Answer

~ Jim Flanigan

I see it all the time. I just saw it again today. A guy (it’s always a guy) wearing shorts in winter. Today it was below 0 degrees F. And he’s wearing shorts.

I’m torn. I’m not sure if if the guy is wearing shorts in winter to show how tough he is, or if he is just an idiot. Maybe I’m underestimating those guys. Maybe they are trying to be tough idiots. Maybe they are succeeding.

Inspired by Nature

~ Jim Flanigan

I woke up to -9 degrees Fahrenheit this morning. I’m inspired to stay inside and not leave the house until June. For some reason, this winter pic reminds me of Paul Manafort and now Roger Stone.

icicles

 

It also inspired me to come up with an idea that could reopen the US government. What are the two words that could reopen the US government?

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