My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Five – The Challenges & Challengers

Well, we’ve reached the halfway point. I’m halfway finished writing a crappy novella. The good news there is that you’ll be halfway done reading excerpts from a crappy novella once you are done reading this post. Let’s get started, the sooner the better.


After the big announcement of Ray running for President, I was wondering, “Now what?” It seemed like a whole lot of work was ahead of us, and the bursitis in my knee was flaring up something awful with some wet weather we was having. I’m no quitter, but with football back on TV, watching the Iowa Hawkeyes go undefeated in September seemed like a lot more fun than knocking on doors or stuffing envelopes. And how about that 18-17 comeback win over the Iowa State Cyclones? I hate winning the game with a field goal, and they shoulda whipped those Cyclone asses more, but a road win sure as hell beats losing. And it was a honey of a whale of a ding-dong dilly of a game.

I know what you’re thinking — I should be an Iowa State fan since Okawana is closer to Iowa State than U of I. But I’ve always been a Big Ten fan, even though there’s 14 teams now in the conference. Ain’t that crazier than a Trump tariff? And why the hell is Rutgers part of the Big Ten? If you ask me, they should be part of one of them fancy conferences back east. I’d rather have Iowa State in the Big Ten so I can see them Cyclones get their asses whuppped every week by Big Ten teams. But Iowa State is in the Big 12, and they only got 10 teams. They can’t afford to lose any more. I say the Big Ten should give the Big 12 Rutgers and Maryland so the Big 12 can be the Big 12 again. Only having 10 teams in the Big 12 must be downright embarrassing.  Hey, here’s a joke. Why is it called the Big 12 and not the Big Twelve? Because them Big 12 students are so dumb they can’t spell twelve. I made that one up myself.

Continue reading “My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Five – The Challenges & Challengers”

My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Two – The Debates

Well, after publishing excerpts from chapter one, nobody stepped up and told me to stop writing this nonsense. You only have yourselves to blame for the following excerpts from the campaign diary called My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President.

Continue reading “My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Two – The Debates”

Winnowing the Candidates – Part 1

There are already too many Democratic candidates for the 2020 Presidential race. So each month, I will reduce the field by one candidate through an announcement in this blog. If more keep joining the race, we may have to eliminate a candidate every two weeks. After my blog post, the candidate named in the post will be notified and expected to withdraw from the race. Maybe by the 2020 convention, we’ll have the field whittled down to a single, strong candidate to defeat Donald Trump in 2020.

The first candidate I am eliminating from the race is …

Continue reading “Winnowing the Candidates – Part 1”

Regurgitating Presidential History

bush-vomit

No, this pic is not one of the numerous times that Barbara Bush tried to chloroform President George H W Bush. Yesterday marked the 25th anniversary of President Bush vomiting on the Japanese Prime Minister at the time, and this pic captured First Lady Babs Bush trying to minimize the massive spewage with a napkin. That worked about as well as you might imagine. If you are too young to remember this, or just want to relive a great moment in presidential history, you can watch it here with some added SNL footage at the end …

Of course, President Bush was embarrassed and contrite at his regurgitive faux pas, and the Japanese Prime Minister was as gracious as possible with a lap full of Bush chunks. This anniversary of a sitting President literally vomiting on a world leader would probably be forgotten if not for one thing.

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Dr. Ben Carson Inks Deal with Comedy Central

Comedy Central can’t wait for Dr. Ben Carson to drop from the Republican primary race. A source inside Comedy Central has revealed that the network has signed Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson to star in a Comedy Central show that is currently being developed for him. Continue reading “Dr. Ben Carson Inks Deal with Comedy Central”

Mike Huckabee Suggests Future Cabinet Nominees

Future Mike Huckabee Cabinet Appointees?
Future Mike Huckabee Cabinet Nominees?

Mike Huckabee gave America a glimpse of his future Cabinet if elected President when he suggested anti-gay marriage Kentucky County Clerk Kim Davis and her husband as possible nominees for Secretary of Health & Human Services and Secretary of Agriculture, respectively. America responded by doing its best to “unsee” that picture of the future.

President Obama Looks Past Presidency with GMC Deal

While not confirmed by the White House, it appears that President Obama is preparing for life after the Presidency by inking a deal with car and truck manufacturer GMC. President Obama recently bypassed Congress and renamed Alaska’s Mount McKinley as Denali prior to his planned trip to Alaska. While visiting Alaska, the President responded to questions about the name change for the highest peak in the USA. “Alaska is a state of unimaginable beauty, like the interior of a GMC Acadia Denali crossover that Michelle and I find to be so comfortable to ride in when we go out for a night on the town. The Alaskan countryside is also rugged and strong, like a GMC Sierra Denali truck that is great for hauling materials for my weekend projects without sacrificing the comfort and luxury that we’ve come to expect from the Denali package. But President McKinley wouldn’t know about any of that, having never visited Alaska or driven any quality GMC vehicle with the premium Denali package.”