It happens to me twice a year. When the weather turns cold, I gain weight. When the weather warms up, I gain weight. I’m not quite sure why it works that way, but I am sure that it is damn annoying. It’s especially hard to accept in the spring after I have been doing this all winter with slices of pizza.
Springish weather has arrived early in Chicagoland this year (thank God), so I’m trying to get a jump on that weight gain as the seasons change. I don’t ever remember cycling in February before, but I made it out 4 times on my bike last month on my way to a planned 500 miles this season. How far did I get?
I stumbled across this product picture on Twitter. I guessed it must be a very old gag gift, and a little Googling confirmed that. Funny.
What I am surprised about is that the Trump Grift Shop at Mar-a-Lago is not selling these under the Trump brand name to the MAGA ghouls who’ll buy up anything with the Trump name on it. But that’s just my opinion which is not watered down. Let’s all robustly drink to that.
I had two very important tasks this week. I was interested in scoring Sprinsteen tickets for a summer concert in Wrigley Field, and I also needed to grab a ticket for my youngest daughter for Babysitter Training. No, that’s not a cool, hip band, although not a bad name for one. It’s actual training to be a babysitter offered through our public library, and it is a difficult ticket to land. Seats go fast when registration opens. I was on the library’s website ready to reserve a ticket until it asked me to login using my daughter’s library card number (no problem) and pin or password. Uh … that was a stumper. So, I grabbed the phone to call and register. I watched the available spots reduce in number online as the slowest moving librarian in history registered my daughter. No, I wasn’t too nervous.
But I was successful with a few spots to spare. I wonder how strong the reseller market is for a spot. Perhaps I can cash in. That would further justify my kids getting me this shirt last Father’s Day.
After making my screen debut in 2022 and positively sizzling on the silver screen in such movie roles as bar patron, funeral mourner, and HS social studies teacher, there is no doubt that Hollywood has taken notice of my considerable acting skills and ability to eat an excessive share of the free refreshments set out for the actors and extras. It’s true that I have not yet received a nomination for an Oscar, Golden Globe, or even a People’s Choice Award, as if I would even accept a nomination for that last one. However, I know Hollywood has their eyes on me. How do I know? I received this invitation the other day.
We have a couple of local pizza spots we prefer. One of those spots gave me bad service two pick-ups in a row. My kids would say I overreacted, which is why they will never come with me to get the pizzas. Yes, they did taste just fine, but we can all agree that they were not as ordered when I picked them up. Of course, I complained. I complain about things that are just fine, so I was not going to miss the opportunity to gripe about something that wasn’t correct. The pizza joint told me they would send me a coupon for a free pizza. Great! I am easily placated by shiny or tasty things.
A week goes by. No coupon. Another week. No coupon. Never one to miss an opportunity to complain, I did. The pizza pushers had no explanation. They promised to resend the coupon. Fine. I was resigned to never receiving a coupon. But then it showed up. It was dated a couple weeks prior. Was the delay in receipt perhaps the postal service’s fault? They never make mistakes, right?
And then the second coupon arrived a couple days later.
We used one coupon for a free pizza, and they got the order correct. I decided that the right thing to do was to return the second coupon. And so I did. I returned to the pizza place and handed the kid behind the counter the second coupon … when I picked-up our second FREE pizza. Am I a bad guy?
Editor’s Note: Look, I’m never one to defend Jim. He’s a jerk, but he did purchase something else along with each free pizza. Anytime he opens his wallet to pay for anything, it is an event worth noting.
In a recent blog post, I clarified that I make no attempt to promote this blog, and in fact, discourage followers. Think of it this way … if no one follows this blog, there will mercifully be no more Mite Be Funny cartoons.
I was in the minority when Italian rock band Måneskin set the world on fire a year ago with their cover of the Four Seasons song “Beggin.” For me, hearing that song come on the radio or stream meant an immediate channel change or song skip. I hated that immensely popular song and the group’s overall sound. But now I feel vindicated.
Måneskin has released a new album, and this Pitchfork review completely excoriates it. If you don’t feel like clicking the link for the full review, here are some choice highlights for you.
With news that the Biden administration has now shot down a 4th airborne UFO today over Lake Huron, I am starting to worry about the Goodyear Blimp at the Super Bowl.
I’m always surprised when I get an unsolicited Facebook friend request from someone I don’t know. I don’t accept all friend requests, but I do accept a few when I see we have mutual friends who I trust. Well, not all of them work out.
I was mildly interested to see this new Facebook friend is into weight loss.
Hey, me, too! I even have my own diet. We do have something in common. But why was this post in my notifications? Oh, right, this is why.
We have several systems in the Flanigan house. I just wish one of them was a working system of indoor plumbing, especially in the winter. Brrr. Anyway, our leftover system is very simple. If any leftovers remain in the refrigerator for more than a couple days, I eat them. And any open jars that are put into the refrigerator should have the date they were opened written on them. As my youngest daughter looked in the refrigerator yesterday for some opened pasta sauce to add to some leftover pasta of hers that she knew I had been eyeing, we were both stumped when she encountered this jar’s lid with a curious inscription.
If you throw a message in a bottle into the ocean, but it is never read, did you really drink the beverage that was in the bottle?
With an unseasonably warm winter that may be threatening to quickly become spring, I’ve been thinking how nice it would be to go on a getaway weekend in the great outdoors with a couple of buddies where we could enjoy nature and guy stuff like this.
I’ve written stuff that people have paid money to purchase and read. Does that make me a professional writer? Hardly. But semi-pro? Perhaps. Would I like to consider myself a professional writer? Yes, but I have a long way to go. Why do I keep asking myself questions to which I already know the answers? Uh, I don’t know the answer to that question, which I think refutes the question.
I wish I could report great sales of my award-winning collection of short stories. Sure, there have been sales of that book and a few other stories. But not enough for me to claim I am a professional writer, and it hasn’t generated enough income to keep a housefly in filth for a year. So, with 3 other books in progress, what do I do? Do I finish them with the hope to become a professional writer, or do I write them to enjoy the process of writing them? And for me, there is joy in writing and creating my weird stories.
After spending my professional career in sales & marketing, that should be the easy part for me once a book is written. But that part takes as much time as writing, and it is a lot less fun and interesting for me. It just seems like more sales & marketing work that I’ve done for decades. So, I’ve come to a crossroads in 2023 regarding my writing. Whither goest I?
I purposely broke one of mine on January 2nd. The weight of carrying it around all year seemed unbearable to me. I resolved to do something each day to personally or professionally improve myself or the world. I’m not talking about a daily shave or shower here, although my family would heartily endorse a resolution dedicated to my personal hygiene. No, I wanted to make a real difference. I responded to that resolution by doing nothing at all on January 2nd.
I felt better once that was out of the way, but I am still trying each day to follow that resolution. However, if I get to the end of the day, and haven’t done much of anything, well …
I’m okay with that, because I broke the resolution back on January 2nd. Yes, it is twisted logic, but it works for my twisted mind.
I made another resolution, and I barely kept that one going yesterday.
I was afraid of this. I really liked the first song released a few months ago off the new White Reaper album, except for one little part. I’ll explain later, but here’s “Pages” from White Reaper’s Asking for a Ride.
They grabbed me with the acoustic guitar right from the start, and their transition from acoustic to rocking hard is seamless and organic. But for me, there is a little problem with the song and a big one with the album.
Some of my most popular posts are about weight loss and diets. Readers really liked my Cereal Killer Diet post. It was meant as a joke. But then, I stepped on the scale last weekend and reacted like this …
Holiday gorging combined with no exercise due to illness left me wondering if I was really seeing those numbers on the scale. It’s demoralizing. You make progress in the good weather, try and hold the line in winter, and all it takes is one batch of extra-yummy Christmas cookies or a few days off from exercise and this happens …
As my small business winds down after 15 years, I continue to look for ways to make money without doing anything, which is what I do or don’t do best. I currently get paid for walking. You can, too. Check out the Evidation app on your phone. You won’t be paid much, but I get a few gift cards every year. Through the same study that gave me a free Apple watch, I get paid for standing for 1 minute every hour for 12 hours each day. Sounds grueling, right? I have found that if I raise my hand for 1 minute, my Apple watch gives me credit for standing. Jim 1 – Technology 0.
Anyway, I found myself drooling into a tube this week for a university study. I figured that I would be drooling anyway throughout the day, so why not get paid for it? The thought of getting paid to be salivating got me salivating to start salivating. According to the university’s FAQ, they want my drool for a Genes, Addiction, and Personality study to “understand how personality, mental heath, substance use, and genes are related.” I figured they really want my DNA to clone me, and I’m all for that. Why not? I’m a great guy, or at least that’s what I tell everyone. But further down the FAQ sheet, I see this.
At least that disappointment was balanced by this good news.
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 