Weekend Milestones – Part 2

If you missed yesterday’s post, I finished writing a book this weekend. No, not a sequel to my Parasitic Twin novella, but a collection of short stories. As I warned I might do, the title has already been changed to “Beyond: Tales of the Afterlife.” But there were other milestones reached this past weekend.

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Short (on quality) Story

I hope to publish another book this summer. No, not a sequel to My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President. You wish! This will be a collection of short stories on a common theme.

I send my stories to my cousin who also happens to be a professional editor. She seems to take great delight in finding and editing my mistakes, and then typically provides some words of encouragement like “this one should definitely be in your book.” She is my mentor. I am her … mentee? manatee? mental?

I’m down to my next-to-last story, and this one didn’t go as I had hoped. I received no edit. I received no encouragement. I did not pass GO or collect $200. Instead, over the course of several emails, my cousin/editor described the story as:

  • Not engaging
  • Boring
  • Preachy
  • Saccharine
  • Unlikable
  • Opposite of uplifting (would that be downlowering?)

Gee, I hope she wasn’t holding back so as not to hurt my feelings. Her guidance and edits have made me a better writer. I absolutely value her opinion. But so far, two other test-readers have liked the story. Hopefully, I will get more feedback from other test-readers this weekend.

Maybe my cousin/editor was too busy with editing projects. Maybe she didn’t even read the 4,000 word story. Maybe she just glanced at this blog to get a general idea about where my writing is today. If that’s the case, I heartily agree with her assessment.

Got Questions? I Have Answers!

Yesterday, I announced that a short story of mine had been accepted for publication. As a bonus, I found out that I get to supply a short bio and answer some questions. Of course, I plan to submit a totally ficticious biography describing me as a left-handed, free-thinking Methodist with a proclivity for public outbursts in pig Latin. Okay, so that last part is true. Oway ymay!

Here are the questions I have been asked to answer …

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Anniversary Frogs

We are coming up on 3 years since I first posted to this blog and started wasting my time and yours. You’re welcome! One of the very first posts featured frogs in my pond. That post was quite unsuccessful (zero likes – be the first while there is still time!), portending many more unsuccessful posts to come. As I fed the pond fish this morning,  I decided to honor this momentous anniversary with another dumb post featuring an unwitting frog accomplice in my backyard pond.

Frog Text

Triple Digit Followers

I have bragged for a long time that my followers were “well into the triple digits.” That was technically true as most of my followers weighed over 100 lbs. However, today I officially have triple digit followers as I have surpassed the 100 mark of actual followers. By the way, do you think there is any correlation between not blogging yesterday and gaining followers? Regardless, no time for introspection when it is time to celebrate. How about a congratulatory handshake?

Macron Trump handshake

Ew, that’s not what I had in mind.

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Trump Ruins Another Blog Post

Ugh, this idiot Trump ruined another one of my childish blog posts scheduled for publication tonight. It wasn’t much of a post. It was just a pic of real Trump tweets in chronological order crying about the Russia investigations, Sally Yates and James Clapper. At the end, I added a fake Trump tweet for comic effect. Here it is …

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Living on the Edge

My WordPress website domain is expiring. No, that’s not the good news. I hate to disappoint you (although I know I do almost every day with each blog post), but I intend to renew http://www.jimflanigan.com and continue writing this nonsense.

As we get closer to the date of my website domain expiring, I keep getting these pop-up notices from WordPress when I am working on my website …

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Mite Not Be Funny

At this point, you may have detected a pattern. Each weekend for the past 4, I have issued a cartoon about mites called “Mite Be Funny.” I am continually asked “Why?” Let’s just say that mite humor is not winning over my fan base. I started “Mite Be Funny” because I viewed the arachnid population as an under-served demographic when it comes to humor. Oh sure, there are plenty of spider jokes like …

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Followers With Regrets

My follower list continues to grow slowly, about as slow as a Republican coming up with an idea to advance social justice. I think if I get 30 more followers to this blog, I qualify for cult status! Yay, and pass the Kool-Aid around the compound.

Two very dear friends of mine just became followers of this blog. I want to make it clear to them and to all my followers that it is OK to have regrets and admit mistakes were made. But please don’t change your mind about following this blog. I am so looking forward to the obvious tax benefits when I can finally register as a cult with the IRS.

Slip Sliding Away

We got some snow and ice here overnight. It was very icy and slippery this morning as I walked my daughter to school. I’ll bet she can’t wait for her high school graduation this May. Anyway, it was very, very slippery out. I’ll bet you are wondering just how icy and slick out it was. Thanks for asking! It was so slippery out that I not only carried my cell phone in case I fell and broke a hip, but I had 2 cell phones with me in case I broke both hips. Thanks for reading and I hope you appreciate that I thought little enough of this blog post to not include a “Read More” link.

 

And My Follower of the Year Is …

Thanks to all my followers for wasting another year of their lives by reading my nonsense. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Despite lackluster writing, Pauly Shore level jokes, and an unhealthy obsession with Donald Trump, I continued to add followers throughout 2016, albeit at a rate slower than a Trump supporter trying to calculate a 15% meal tip without a calculator. I am grateful, yet perplexed. I encourage all followers to seek professional assistance.

In an effort to scare away even more followers, I will once again award a Follower of the Year. This year, the winner will win a lunch with me. The second place finisher will receive 2 lunches, a dinner (appetizers and dessert not included!) and a backrub (no happy ending!). Enough with the fine print; let’s get to the decision.

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Trump rescues bloggers, but at what cost?

The Democratic National Convention got off to a rocky start as Bernie Sanders believers appeared ready to take the Jonestown route rather than endorse Hillary Clinton. But the Democratic convention soon settled into thoughtful, rational, stirring speeches presented by prestigious politicians, everyday people, and A-list celebrities not named Scott Baio. What is a political blogger to write about?

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And My Follower Of The Year Is …

It has been just a few short months since I have started writing & blogging. I’ve had some hits along with plenty of swings & misses. For whatever reason, I have acquired some blog followers along the way. Don’t you have anything better to do like auditing grocery store receipts or weaving dryer lint into yarn? I felt there needed to be some reward for your unwarranted devotion and attention, so I am pleased to introduce the nominees for my first annual Follower of the Year award.

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