Category: health

An Eye for an Aye

~ Jim Flanigan

I have an eye condition. It takes a lot for me to go see a doctor, but I did for this one. I’ve been seeing things in my right eye. Floaters, indistinct shapes, sometimes insurance salesmen. The latter terrifies me. I’m used to hearing things and actually enjoy the conversations I have with the voices in my head. But what am I supposed to do with the visions? See a doctor, I guess.

Well, that turned out to be an unpleasant visit. The supposed retinal specialist poked and prodded my eyes with his fingers and finally declared my retina was not detached after I promised to pay my bill within 30 days. If my retina wasn’t detached before the exam, it may be detached now. I’m supposed to “give it time and hope it clears up.” I was doing that quite well before I paid to see a doctor.

I was most disappointed that I did not get an eye patch. I had a job interview coming up, and I thought an eye patch would help me get the job. Now, what kind of a job would that be?

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Endless Summer Ends

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

We had extended summer weather into the first week of October here in Chicagoland. Temperatures exceeded 80F (>26.5C), and I took full advantage of them. Outdoor pools and beaches had closed in August, but I still had my secret illegal swimming pond open all year round.

With temps cooperating, I was able to utilize my secret swimming hole in late September and into the first week of October. People do ask me if I feel it is safe to swim in a potentially polluted pond. Well, I saw this near the pond and felt much better about swimming there.

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Subliminal Advertising Gone Awry

~ Jim Flanigan

I was wandering the grocery store “helping” my wife shop, although I was looking more for deals for myself. This one looked delicious. On top of that, it was on sale, music to my ears.

Yes, I know there are truth in advertising laws, and the product name likely fits perfectly. However, as I stared at the freezer section, I could hear the product taunting me. “Fat Boy, Fat Boy, Fat Boy,” the freezer mercilessly mocked, or maybe it was the store employee restocking the frozen peas behind me. Perhaps it was one of the voices in my head. You know, the one that thinks it’s sooooo smart, fit, trim, young, handsome, and not bald.

Anyway, that subliminal advertising on this delicious-looking product is likely killing sales. It’s not even subliminal. It’s quite liminal. Maybe even super liminal as the title pic suggests. No wonder the product is on sale. I expect the sale tag to be replaced by a red clearance price tag soon. Maybe then, and only then, will this Fat Boy buy the product before they rebrand and reintroduce it as Amazing Slimming Ice Cream Products.

Who Wants a Piece of Me?

~ Jim Flanigan

COVID is rearing its ugly head again, but I read that Moderna’s new vaccine should be very effective against the new variants. Sign me up. I’ve had two Pfizer shots to start followed by two Moderna boosters. So far, so good for me healthwise. Except, I just heard that makes me a non-human Borg Genesis. Don’t go back and read that again. You read it right the first time. Take a listen.

Kudos to @TheGoodLiars for more excellent investigative work. Anyway, I can handle the non-human part. Humanity is continually proving it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I’m fine being a Borg Genesis for a while.

But I am concerned about something else that came up in the video.

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I Finished an Octathlon Today

~ Jim Flanigan

That’s right. No mamby-pamby triathloning for me. I went for the big 8-leg octathlon this morning during Day 1 under the heat dome. It turns out the weather forecast showing extreme heat was correct. We have 6 straight days of heat coming. For Day 1, I decided to cool off in the water for 1 leg of an octathlon.

But first, I had to get to the water, so off on my bike I went. It was mostly downhill, so I made it to the pond in under 4 minutes. Leg 1 completed in record time.

Then I had to navigate the hill descent. It’s weedy, tricky, and slippery. First time I tried it, I fell and punctured my hand on a stick. Today it was not an issue. I finished Leg 2 and stripped down to swim trunks for the swimming leg.

My wife called where I’ve been swimming an illegal pond.

Illegal sounds so unseemly. I prefer to consider it a private pond where there isn’t a “No Swimming” sign posted. It’s cold in the deep water which tells me that it is spring fed. There is no algae covering the surface. It is full of frogs and fish but not weeds. It is hidden from any prying eyes. Perfect! Just to be safe, I don’t submerge my face. But I did swim for 30 minutes to complete Leg 3.

Leg 4 required my ascent back up this hill.

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Intermittent Feasting

~ Jim Flanigan

It was two years ago that I set the dieting and weight loss world on fire with news of my revolutionary Intermittent FATSing diet plan. You can click the link for full details. Unfortunately, the tears I shed from what I discovered was unsustainable weight loss put the fire out. I think the problem was that I did it too intermittently. If only I had named it Continual FATSing.

But I’m back with a new twist. I have combined the concepts of Intermittent Fasting with Unbridled Gorging to invent Intermittent Feasting (trademark applied for). I don’t start eating until 10AM, although I do allow myself water or a cup of unsweetened tea. How do I make it until 10AM if I am up at 6AM? Well, there’s a lot of biting my fingernails going on. Did you know that one fingernail can be chewed for up to one hour before losing its flavor? Oh, and I started smoking.

Anyway, after 10AM, I put on the feedbag for a day of eating whatever I want, whenever I want. I’m basically ravenous. As the old saying goes in upper crust society …

That’s where the feasting comes in. I eat anything and everything in sight for the next ten hours until 8PM. And it is working. I’m losing weight. I think I know the secret why.

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Goodbye Fridge, Hello Diet

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

We purchased a new refrigerator freezer late last week, so that started me on a new diet. I’m determined to eat all the old, suspect food in the outgoing cooler before the new one arrives Wednesday. I’ve been doing a good job. Here’s a concoction I made from an old bag of Potatoes O’Brien, ancient frozen corn (possibly of Mayan origin), some 9 month old frozen tomatoes from last year’s garden, and some chicken breast strips that nobody else in the house would eat.

I added some hot sauce, and it was delicious. More importantly, it eliminated 2 bags from the fridge-freezer. More to be emptied as long as I don’t get food poisoning first. Even without food poisoning, which I would consider to be a dieting bonus, I have dropped a couple pounds.

You may wonder why we just didn’t get our appliance repaired. I was afraid of a situation like this …

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My Bike Is Broken & So Am I

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Yep, tried to bike today, and I have a flat. So does my bike. After a dismal biking month in May, I was certain that I would do better in June. Well, I did, but it wasn’t the 100+ miles I envisioned. It wasn’t even half that. It was 42.75 miles. On my imaginary bike trip this summer, I was just about to exit Illinois and enter Indiana. Even if I hug the lakeshore on my way to Michigan, I’m not sure 42.75 miles gets me out of Indiana. Nothing personal toward Hoosiers, but I’m firmly in R. Dean Taylor’s camp when he sings this song about not wanting to go back to Indiana. If I had done better in July so far, I would plot out my progress on a map showing how far into Michigan I am. But I’ve forced myself out biking only once so far this month, and today was a failed attempt thanks to the flat. Maybe it is fitting. My daughter and I were planning a short trip taking a similar route to my imaginary bike trip, except in a car. But that trip has been canceled when she opted for a Destroy Boys concert that I have to take her to instead. More on that in another post.

I have been surprised at how well one summer exercise has been going.

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Trial and Error

~ Jim Flanigan

I was notified that the clinical trial I am enrolled in for an RSV vaccine is ending on June 30th. I am saddened because that will be $80 a month less in my pocket. But I am proud to have participated in the trial which may have resulted in this …

I’m pretty sure I did not get the placebo, because I developed a golf ball size knot at the injection site that took a few weeks to dissipate. But I also did not get RSV, and now a vaccine will be available to all. Am I a hero? Sure, you can call me that, but I would prefer if you just send me $80 a month.

I don’t think I will be doing many more clinical trials in the future after seeing this one …

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No, My Bike Isn’t Broken

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

I don’t know what I was thinking when I resolved to cycle 500 miles this biking season. Even after starting in February with plans to bike into November, I may not come close to the 500 mile mark. By the end of May, I had totaled all of 50 miles. 50. Five oh. Ugh. Let’s see where that put me geographically.

After passing through Chicago, one of the great cities in the world (unless you listen to Fox News), I found myself at the border of … Indiana. Ugh, again. I’m not going to disparage Indiana. However, my plan was to cycle more in June to get out of Indiana as fast as I could. But here I am with one week left in the month, and I am still not pedaling enough.

In years past, knowing that I was going to miss a goal would either make me crazy or work harder to meet that goal. Now, I just want to see where I can get to before cold weather makes me hang the bike up for the season. I’m just going to enjoy the ride. My youngest daughter and I may be taking a driving trip along a similar route, so maybe I can point out some places to you that we see along the way while driving/imaginary biking.

Now as for swimming, even though we have no pool this year, I’ve been swimming frequently. I was feeling all puffy-chested as I headed out for a longish (for me) open water swim this morning at this gorgeous body of water.

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Exercise Pro Tip #2

~ Jim Flanigan

My first Exercise Pro Tip was well received, so I thought I’d share another. Always wear good shoes with plenty of arch support along with absorbent socks while exercising … unless swimming is your exercise of choice. Then take off your shoes and socks first like this fellow.

And never wear heels.

Exercise Pro Tip #1

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 3 Comments

I exercise daily, so people are always asking me questions like, “If you exercise so much, why are you still overweight?” Once we have a meal together, they understand. But they also ask me other questions like, “How can I increase my exercise time?” That seems pretty simple to me. Just walk/run/bike/swim farther. But then come the complaints about how their bunions hurt too much if they go too far. Or, that their pustules start oozing if they increase distance. Well, I am ready to offer them and all readers my …

Exercise Pro Tip #1 – Reduce your speed by half, and you will double your exercise time without increasing distance.

That should be intuitively obvious even to the most casual observer. Look for more Exercise Pro Tips to come. You’re welcome!

Obstacles to Exercise

~ Jim Flanigan

For me, there are many including laziness, family commitments, sloth, work commitments, indolence, soreness, lethargy, an inability/disinterest in finding my shoes, languor, my toenails requiring a clipping, a proclivity toward inactivity, and laziness. Yes, I did use a thesaurus for that sentence. But I ran into a couple new obstacles recently.

I have enjoyed starting my day by walking in a fen on my way home from dropping my daughter at school. The fen has a long boardwalk over its general marshiness (I think I served under him in Iraq) that makes for a fentastic walk to usher in a new day. However, blocking the path on one walk was this.

I’m told that is a sandhill crane which can grow to just under 4 foot tall and has a big pecker. I mean its beak. And it had friends.

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And Now The Bad News …

~ Jim Flanigan

Yesterday, I shared with you some positive (I hope) changes going on with my family. But today, sadly, there is bad news. First, I didn’t get the movie role of a distant father who can’t connect with his daughter. Offering me that part would be typecasting. So, why didn’t they choose me for the part? Probably my utter lack of acting ability, but I won’t discount my demand for a bowl of only blue M&Ms on the set at all times, even when I’m not present. It’s probably for the best as I am spread thinner than my hairline these days.

And I didn’t have to go far this morning for more bad news. All I had to do was look out the window to see this …

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A Double Dose Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

~ Jim Flanigan

Yesterday, I did another product consulting job. This time it was about product packaging for an at-home sexually transmitted infection (STI, formerly called STD) detection kit. I knew going in that I would be asked to open the kit as people would normally receive it and follow the instructions inside. I just assumed I would need to have a sexually transmitted infection to do a proper evaluation of the kit, so, well, you know …

Anyway, I kind of wish I had read the fine print first. Am I a bad guy?

After they told me that I did not need to have a sexually transmitted infection, they also told me that I did not have to follow the instructions about peeing into a cup. Instead, they gave me a cup of “colored water” that looked suspiciously like urine. Why not color it blue, red, or green rather than yellow? I thought that maybe it was urine from the study moderator, Scott. I really didn’t want to handle Scott’s urine, so I insisted he take a sip of the alleged colored water to prove it wasn’t his pee-pee before I continued. Am I a bad guy?

My Clean Freezer Challenge Diet

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

I’m sure you all fondly remember such harmeless social media challenges as planking, eating Tide pods, dumping buckets of ice over your head, and bleach enemas. Oh, wait. That last one wasn’t a social media challenge but Trump’s suggestion to kill COVID. Disregard that one.

But I have stumbled upon what I think will be the next viral challenge. I’m determined to clean out our freezer, and what better way to do that than to eat my way through all the frozen food? I’m certainly not going to throw out perfectly good, ice-encrusted expired food. While that may be prudent, it is also wasteful.

I found 3 bags of these in the freezer.

Wow, no antibiotics, EVER! That’s great. So, I guess they didn’t slaughter chickens that were under doctor’s care trying to recover from sinus infections. Good to know. I normally don’t eat poultry or red meat, but to save a buck, I find I can set aside my morals with uncomfortable ease when there’s food about to be wasted.

There were 2 patties in each of the 3 bags in the freezer, enough for 1 meal per bag. I dove right in. I used my mountain climbing pickaxe to free the patties from their icy shrouds. After 3 days, the bags were empty and patties devoured. I was soon to be a bit empty myself. Take a look at the expiration dates on each bag.

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Not Weighting for Spring

~ Jim Flanigan

It happens to me twice a year. When the weather turns cold, I gain weight. When the weather warms up, I gain weight. I’m not quite sure why it works that way, but I am sure that it is damn annoying. It’s especially hard to accept in the spring after I have been doing this all winter with slices of pizza.

https://twitter.com/buitengebieden/status/1629754151235092481?s=20

Springish weather has arrived early in Chicagoland this year (thank God), so I’m trying to get a jump on that weight gain as the seasons change. I don’t ever remember cycling in February before, but I made it out 4 times on my bike last month on my way to a planned 500 miles this season. How far did I get?

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Facebook Friend Fat Fail

~ Jim Flanigan

I’m always surprised when I get an unsolicited Facebook friend request from someone I don’t know. I don’t accept all friend requests, but I do accept a few when I see we have mutual friends who I trust. Well, not all of them work out.

I was mildly interested to see this new Facebook friend is into weight loss.

Hey, me, too! I even have my own diet. We do have something in common. But why was this post in my notifications? Oh, right, this is why.

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How Are Those New Year’s Resolutions Going?

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

I purposely broke one of mine on January 2nd. The weight of carrying it around all year seemed unbearable to me. I resolved to do something each day to personally or professionally improve myself or the world. I’m not talking about a daily shave or shower here, although my family would heartily endorse a resolution dedicated to my personal hygiene. No, I wanted to make a real difference. I responded to that resolution by doing nothing at all on January 2nd.

I felt better once that was out of the way, but I am still trying each day to follow that resolution. However, if I get to the end of the day, and haven’t done much of anything, well …

I’m okay with that, because I broke the resolution back on January 2nd. Yes, it is twisted logic, but it works for my twisted mind.

I made another resolution, and I barely kept that one going yesterday.

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The Joke Diet Actually Works?

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Some of my most popular posts are about weight loss and diets. Readers really liked my Cereal Killer Diet post. It was meant as a joke. But then, I stepped on the scale last weekend and reacted like this …

https://twitter.com/buitengebieden/status/1616774054236622850?s=20&t=ZZxm_TeoERNOcMyQrvcORw

Holiday gorging combined with no exercise due to illness left me wondering if I was really seeing those numbers on the scale. It’s demoralizing. You make progress in the good weather, try and hold the line in winter, and all it takes is one batch of extra-yummy Christmas cookies or a few days off from exercise and this happens …

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