Waging War on Holidays

As DC burns with the fire of a pending Trump impeachment, the Nerotic fools at Fox News once again fiddle around with creating a new battle in the fictional War on Christmas as a shiny distraction from Trump’s crimes.

War on christmas tree

I have NEVER heard anyone describe a Christmas tree as a Holiday tree. If I ever did, I would tell them that it’s a Christmas tree, but they can call it a Covfefe Hamberder for all I care. As far as Fox News goes, it looks like they are making Trump look foolish once again (shooting fish in a barrel) since Trump said everyone would be saying “Merry Christmas” with him in charge. Mission Accomplished?

Mission accomplished trump

I think not. Happy Holidays. I can’t wait to chop down and trim our Covfefe Hamberder this holiday season. The Resistance continues.

Challenge Yourself

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I saw that Trump was running a new MAGA Challenge.

Maga Challenge

What do you get if you lose? 2 visits to the White House to meet that moron?

My mind spun (as always) with the possibilities of what Trump might be challeging us to do. Here’s a partial list of what I came up with …

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Cocktails?

My youngest son has a friend who was quite a handful when just a youth. I have firsthand knowledge of that since I coached the boys in both basketball and baseball. But my son’s friend went to college, got a degree, and was encouraging my son to become a personal trainer like he is. Sounds good, right?  Well, it turns out that instead of coaching the boys on basketball and baseball skills, I should have taught life skills.

Imagine my surprise when I saw this headline concerning his arrest and the charges …

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A Reason to Love Chicago

I am grateful for living my life in the Chicagoland area for many reasons. Winter weather is not one. However, one reason is that we have Lake Michigan, a huge body of water to enjoy, with zero sharks. Take that, ocean lovers! But another is that Chicago is politically cool, sometimes in subtle ways. I was listening this morning to WXRT, still the world’s greatest radio station that you can listen to at wxrt.radio.com, and the big news they reported at 8AM was Trump’s stop in Chicago today where massive protests are expected to cause major traffic disruptions. I would be there except I am preparing to protest a local issue tonight. Anyway, the Trump visit news was followed by this set of music.

  • American Idiot by Green Day
  • Fighter by Joseph
  • Creep by Radiohead
  • Immigration Man by Crosby & Nash
  • Is She Really Going Out With Him by Joe Jackson

When I tweeted the DJ to ask if he was making a political statement, he replied that he was just “rockin’ Chicago.” Sure. Keep rockin’, man.

Mite Be Funny #140 – Special Multi-Panel Impeachment Edition

Mite Be Funny #140a Impeachment

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Another Edition of Twitter Pics

I couldn’t come up with a mulch cartoon today, so you get more Twitter funnies. You’re welcome!

Here’s a campaign sign for Trump that I can get behind …

Trump Campaign Sign

Speaking of getting behind Trump, today he delivered the most cogent tweet he has ever tweeted …

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Trump Sharpie Geography

Trump and Sharpie are words that really don’t seem to go together well. We all remember the incident with Hurricane Dorian and the Sharpie extension into Alabama so that Trump could pretend to be a sharpie and not the dumbass that he really is.

Hurrican Dorian

This time it was Senator Patrick Leahy who took a Sharpie to this map …

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Mite Be Funny #139 – Special 2020 G7 Summit Multi-Panel Edition

Mite Be Funny #139a G7

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My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Five – The Challenges & Challengers

Well, we’ve reached the halfway point. I’m halfway finished writing a crappy novella. The good news there is that you’ll be halfway done reading excerpts from a crappy novella once you are done reading this post. Let’s get started, the sooner the better.


After the big announcement of Ray running for President, I was wondering, “Now what?” It seemed like a whole lot of work was ahead of us, and the bursitis in my knee was flaring up something awful with some wet weather we was having. I’m no quitter, but with football back on TV, watching the Iowa Hawkeyes go undefeated in September seemed like a lot more fun than knocking on doors or stuffing envelopes. And how about that 18-17 comeback win over the Iowa State Cyclones? I hate winning the game with a field goal, and they shoulda whipped those Cyclone asses more, but a road win sure as hell beats losing. And it was a honey of a whale of a ding-dong dilly of a game.

I know what you’re thinking — I should be an Iowa State fan since Okawana is closer to Iowa State than U of I. But I’ve always been a Big Ten fan, even though there’s 14 teams now in the conference. Ain’t that crazier than a Trump tariff? And why the hell is Rutgers part of the Big Ten? If you ask me, they should be part of one of them fancy conferences back east. I’d rather have Iowa State in the Big Ten so I can see them Cyclones get their asses whuppped every week by Big Ten teams. But Iowa State is in the Big 12, and they only got 10 teams. They can’t afford to lose any more. I say the Big Ten should give the Big 12 Rutgers and Maryland so the Big 12 can be the Big 12 again. Only having 10 teams in the Big 12 must be downright embarrassing.  Hey, here’s a joke. Why is it called the Big 12 and not the Big Twelve? Because them Big 12 students are so dumb they can’t spell twelve. I made that one up myself.

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Flies On Washington Walls #159 – Triumphant Return Multi-Panel Edition

FOWW #159a Shit

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I’ve been very busy with my medical equipment business recently. The hard work has paid off. Today I secured a large order from a Swiss customer who is buying equipment they will pick-up in Germany for shipment to Russia (no collusion!). The payment will be made by the Swiss customer in euros to my bank account in the UK that will be converted to US dollars and sent to my bank account in the USA so that my LLC can access the funds. I feel a bit like international business magnate Donald Trump, but without the criminality. Oh, sorry, I just noticed I spelled maggot wrong in that last sentence.

Mite Be Funny #137 – Special Multi-Panel Healthcare Edition

Mite Be Funny #137a Healthcare

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Another Edition of Twitter Pics

Twitter is a rich mélange of conspiracy theories, breaking news, cat videos (thanks, Thomas Edison), and some wild pics, some of which I will share with you today … because I’m too lazy to do a real blog post.

Here’s a disturbing one …

Trump Boat.PNG

I guess that heading is a grammatically-flawed QAnon conspiracy nutjob group saying. Grammar aside, what bothered me more is the image, with Trump being guided by … Jared Leto?

Jared leto jesus

For my own well-being, I needed to fix the image just a bit …

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Twitter is Wonderful

I take back anything bad I wrote about Twitter in this morning’s post. All is forgiven when I see the dictionary apparently trolling Trump on Twitter today.

Dictionary Tweet

I officially love Twitter and find it wonderfully exhilarating.

Twitter is Exhausting

Don’t follow me on Twitter, please, not like any sane person would have any interest in doing that. I use Twitter to keep up on the latest Trump Resistance conspiracy theories and rage against Trump’s nonsensical tweets. I did get a kick out of engaging in some Twitter communication with my all-time favorite DJ just last weekend when he tweeted out that he was featuring music from 1982 on his Saturday morning show.

tweet-wxrt.png

I think that’s what Twitter was supposed to be. Instead, we get idiotic Trump tweets like these …

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Truckin’

Yesterday, while Democratic candidates were beating each other up in a debate, House Republicans on a retreat in Baltimore were listening to a rambling, repetitive diatribe from guest-slurrer Donald Trump. Yes, the same Baltimore that Trump decried as rat-infested. So, MadDog PAC and Twitter provocateur Claude Taylor (@TrueFactsStated) took their Trump Rat Truck to Baltimore to join the protests. Oh, they also embellished the street sign a bit.

Rat in Baltimore.JPG

I just bought one of those signs from MadDog PAC (you can too at www.maddogpac.com) and am looking for a landing spot on the Flanigan compound to proudly display it. The Baltimore Sun covered the event and the counter-protests. I read their article online mainly to see what they said about the Trump Rat Truck. However, in the course of reading the article, an ad came up. That’s normal, but this time the ad was just so apropos. The article was talking about House Republicans losing the majority in 2018, and this was the ad that followed …

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BREAKING NEWS: To commemorate 9/11, Donald Trump will play 9 holes today with only 11 clubs in his bag. He will honor the victims by NOT using a pitching wedge.

My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Four – The Announcement

I wanted to release excerpts from Chapter 4 on Labor Day, but I didn’t. Uh, that doesn’t really sound like a good excuse or explanation. Pretty lame. Let’s just agree that the important thing is that excerpts from the Chapter 4 rough draft follow below.

Now for those that haven’t read along with MPTWTBP up to this point, good for you. Don’t waste your time. Go for a walk. Climb a mountain. Pick wildflowers. Take hallucinogens. Enjoy life. For those of you who are resistant to most of those ideas, but open to the hallucinogens, here are the links to the first 3 chapters. Note: Take the hallucinogens first.

This chapter is the longest, so there are many yuks, laughs, giggles, and guffaws that didn’t make it into these excepts. Take it from me … my side is still split from laughing so hard. Very messy and inconvenient though. Anyway, here we go with some Chapter 4 excerpts.

Chapter Four – The Announcements, August, 2019

From the beginning, Ray had planned to declare his candidacy over the 4th of July weekend. He thought that would be darn patriotic and fit in well with the rest of the festivities in Okawana. Even before Iowa legalized fireworks back in 2017, the townfolk’s been gathering in the grove of trees by the diner on the 4th for a little town picnic and games. My favorite game was to see whose pet looked most like their owner. Wanda Bixley’s bulldog, Brutus, won most years I can recall. Oh, there was one year when that nerdy writer fella who bought the Pike’s old farmhouse as a quiet place to write his big, fancy novel came to the picnic. Someone nominated the fella’s goldfish since that writer had a sorta fish face with thick glasses that made his eyes look bulgy. Who knows if the guy even had a goldfish, but you can be sure that goldfish won and the writer never came back. Brutus was back to winning the next year even though Wanda was wearing her hair long at the time.

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Mite Be Funny #132 – Special Multi-Panel Republican Primary Edition

Mite Be Funny #132a Flake Primary Challenge

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Danish Dreams

If I was the PM of Denmark, I know what I would do. I would politely reschedule Donald Trump’s visit to Denmark to another time. If Trump needs assurance that purchasing Greenland is on the table to be discussed, I would give him that assurance. Then, a couple weeks before his visit, I would offer to buy the US Virgin Islands back from the USA. By the way, Denmark sold the islands to the US in 1917. I would insist that the potential purchase of the US Virgin Islands be on the table for discussion, or the meeting must be postponed.

I was initially going to use Puerto Rico rather than the US Virgin Islands in the above scenario, but I’m afraid Trump would sell Puerto Rico to Denmark or anyone who offers to buy it.

I also have some random Danish thoughts …

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