Uh-oh. It’s back for another week. Let’s hope this one doesn’t get out of hand like Mite Be Funny has. Without further ado …
Mulch Ado About Nothing #2
Author: Jim Flanigan
My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Four – The Announcement
I wanted to release excerpts from Chapter 4 on Labor Day, but I didn’t. Uh, that doesn’t really sound like a good excuse or explanation. Pretty lame. Let’s just agree that the important thing is that excerpts from the Chapter 4 rough draft follow below.
Now for those that haven’t read along with MPTWTBP up to this point, good for you. Don’t waste your time. Go for a walk. Climb a mountain. Pick wildflowers. Take hallucinogens. Enjoy life. For those of you who are resistant to most of those ideas, but open to the hallucinogens, here are the links to the first 3 chapters. Note: Take the hallucinogens first.
This chapter is the longest, so there are many yuks, laughs, giggles, and guffaws that didn’t make it into these excepts. Take it from me … my side is still split from laughing so hard. Very messy and inconvenient though. Anyway, here we go with some Chapter 4 excerpts.
Chapter Four – The Announcements, August, 2019
From the beginning, Ray had planned to declare his candidacy over the 4th of July weekend. He thought that would be darn patriotic and fit in well with the rest of the festivities in Okawana. Even before Iowa legalized fireworks back in 2017, the townfolk’s been gathering in the grove of trees by the diner on the 4th for a little town picnic and games. My favorite game was to see whose pet looked most like their owner. Wanda Bixley’s bulldog, Brutus, won most years I can recall. Oh, there was one year when that nerdy writer fella who bought the Pike’s old farmhouse as a quiet place to write his big, fancy novel came to the picnic. Someone nominated the fella’s goldfish since that writer had a sorta fish face with thick glasses that made his eyes look bulgy. Who knows if the guy even had a goldfish, but you can be sure that goldfish won and the writer never came back. Brutus was back to winning the next year even though Wanda was wearing her hair long at the time.
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A Concerted Sales Effort
I saw an online notice of tickets still available for sale at our local concert venue. I was very surprised seeing this one. I would have lost a “Dead or Alive?” bet on Paul Anka.
That’s a lot of cash for a ticket to see an old guy I thought may be deceased. Of course, he may think the same about me. I have doubts some days myself.
I know these guys aren’t dead. I saw them give an excellent free outdoor show a few years back. But now they are just about selling out (just 2 seats left) with tickets for $180 each? What?
Seasonal Depression
I suffer from seasonal depression. The season lasts from when I drain the pool around this time of the year until I fill it again the next summer.
Deer Me
I took a walk this weekend and passed this trio on the other side of the road.
I was planning to write that I don’t think I will ever get used to sharing our neighborhood with other large, brown mammals. However, I realized that is now the motto for the Republican Party these days.
Mite Be Funny #132 – Special Multi-Panel Republican Primary Edition
Mulch Ado About Nothing #1
As if a cartoon about dust mites isn’t bad enough, I have now been inspired (despired, perhaps?) to create a cartoon about mulch. This could be the one and only mulch-based cartoon, so savor it.
New Music for Old Rockers – Rage Against Age Concert Edition
I’m old. However, somehow I have put together my best concert year ever in 2019, although with some concessions to age. I missed driving 3+ hours to see the Smithereens perform recently at Abe Fest …
Thank God. Although I love those 80’s/90’s rockers and have wanted to see them for years now, I didn’t want to see them enough to drive to Springfield to freakin’ Abe Fest. Regardless, I waited a bit too long, and their lead vocalist passed away a couple years ago. Enter 80’s power popper Marshall Crenshaw to take over vocal duties. I thought it was an odd combination of upbeat vocals from Crenshaw for brooding Smithereen songs like “Blood and Roses.” I had to find out for myself.
I saw that the Smithereens were playing an outdoor festival gig just outside Chicago last Friday. Would the wife approve of my going? Yes! But under one condition. She didn’t want me to drag her to Skokie to see them. It’s a deal! I was flying solo.
The Smithereens/Crenshaw amalgam looked and sounded great in suburban Chicago …
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Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?
The Amazon is burning. The “lungs” of our planet are dying. I already sense less oxygen in our air. I’m planning to somehow get my hands on an asthma inhaler so I can suck in more air and oxygen than you can. Am I a bad guy?
And yet, this past weekend, while the Amazon is on fire, I defoliated our back yard.
Shouldn’t I be planting trees rather than tearing them out? Am I a bad guy?
I feel the need to do something positive to turn this situation around. I think a good first step is to stop pulling weeds.
Home Improvements?
After working in the garage all afternoon Saturday, I was tired when I came back into the house to take a shower and relax. Not so fast! My wife advised me that our laundry tub in the basement into which our wash machine empties may be leaking. And she had laundry to do. *sigh* She was correct on both. There definitely was a leak and she had laundry backed-up. As I poked around to find the leak, my finger did this …
Mite Be Funny #131
Radish from my garden …
Discuss.
Danish Dreams
If I was the PM of Denmark, I know what I would do. I would politely reschedule Donald Trump’s visit to Denmark to another time. If Trump needs assurance that purchasing Greenland is on the table to be discussed, I would give him that assurance. Then, a couple weeks before his visit, I would offer to buy the US Virgin Islands back from the USA. By the way, Denmark sold the islands to the US in 1917. I would insist that the potential purchase of the US Virgin Islands be on the table for discussion, or the meeting must be postponed.
I was initially going to use Puerto Rico rather than the US Virgin Islands in the above scenario, but I’m afraid Trump would sell Puerto Rico to Denmark or anyone who offers to buy it.
I also have some random Danish thoughts …
New Music for Old Rockers – Covering Covers Edition
Can someone please tell me the point of song covers that sound like the original? I don’t get it. When I first heard Weezer’s cover of Toto’s “Africa” last summer, I had to check first to see if it was a cover and not just a remix of the original. What is the point? I did get to hear that excellent song on the radio again, but I would have been happy to have heard the original played more frequently last summer.
It is true that I nominated Lana Del Rey’s cover of Sublime’s “Doin’ Time” as this year’s Song of the Summer. It is significantly different from the original. And that voice of hers … just divine. But then I was driving with my oldest daughter who is a huge Kate Bush fan, when Bush’s song “Running Up That Hill” came on the radio. My daughter was initially happy to hear it until we identified it being sung by a Kate Bush impersonator named Meg Myers with an identical-sounding version. Why? I will admit the video is kind of cool, but Kate Bush’s voice > Meg Myer’s voice. Sorry, Meg.
And now we get this news …
Full story and music video follows. The music video is creepily worth the price of clicking to read on.
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My Impossible Diet
I have been stuck at my normal winter weight now for weeks since losing my 5 lbs of excess winter weight. I still want to drop an additional 5 lbs of normal winter weight to get down to the weight where I would feel I am 10 lbs overweight which is 10 lbs over what I feel would be a good weight for me, although still a bit heavy. Make sense? If it does, read on, take your meds, and consult a mental health professional.
I recently stumbled on what may be the key to more weight loss.
Mite Be Funny #130 – Back to School Edition
New Record in New Hampshire?
Trump rallied yesterday in New Hampshire. That surprised me. I just took it for granite that NH was a solid blue state. Get it? Took it for granite? NH is the Granite State. Gawd, I hate having to explain my bad jokes. Anyway, Trump seemed to think it was a great success …
Sounds like a lot of people. But then I saw this pic …
My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President – Chapter Three – The Issues
Another month, another chapter. If you need to catch up, here are links to Chapter 1 and Chapter 2. Despite adjusting my medications, I put more words down on paper to create a Chapter 3, this time about campaign issues. Gee, that sounds dry. It was difficult to write about serious issues in a light-hearted way. I’m not sure I succeeded. Regardless, here are some excerpts from a raw, unedited third chapter about issues facing us today.
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New Music for Old Rockers – Song of the Summer Edition Vindication
I announced my 2019 Song of the Summer on this blog recently to much fanfare.
That’s right Science Guy Bill Nye, celebrate that “Go” by the Black Keys is my pick for 2019 Song of the Summer. But my 2 oldest children told me I was way off. They claim that a song called “Old Town Road” is the song of the summer. They tell me that kids stop whatever they’re doing and go crazy when that song comes on.
Hmmm, I wonder why? Take a look and listen …
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Now that convicted sex offender and accused pedophile, Jeffrey Epstein, is dead, questions are now being raised about possible co-conspirators. For example, British socialite Ghislaine Maxwell has been solidly linked to Epstein and rumored to be his underage girl recruiter. I’m not sure if she is a criminal like Epstein. I do know for sure that even though I have no idea how to pronounce her first name, I expect I will be hearing it enough on the news shortly that I will have it mastered in no time.
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 