My Impossible Diet

I have been stuck at my normal winter weight now for weeks since losing my 5 lbs of excess winter weight. I still want to drop an additional 5 lbs of normal winter weight to get down to the weight where I would feel I am 10 lbs overweight which is 10 lbs over what I feel would be a good weight for me, although still a bit heavy. Make sense? If it does, read on, take your meds, and consult a mental health professional.

I recently stumbled on what may be the key to more weight loss.

The plant-based and utterly delicious Impossible Whopper has been recently unleashed across the USA by Burger King after initially only being available in St. Louis. Why else do you think I blogged about so many business trips to St. Louis? I’m part pescatarian (no meat, just seafood) and part flexitarian (don’t waste food, eat it). When I’m not eating spoiled food my wife is threatening to throw out (or even after), I choose to not eat meat. The first time I ordered an Impossible Burger, I tried to send it back due to it tasting like a meat burger. The Impossible Whopper is not quite as good, but still tempting to me.

Last Friday, I was driving around town and decided to grab an Impossible Whopper for dinner. No mayo though. Yuck, mayo on a burger is gross. Then on Saturday, I moved my middle daughter back to college and treated myself to an Impossible Whopper for the drive home. Sunday morning showed a 2 lb weight loss. That’s 40% of the way to losing my normal winter weight. Could that weight loss be connected to my Impossible Whopper intake? Could 3 more Impossible Whoppers rid me of that winter weight finally? I took the plunge on Sunday and ate my third Impossible Whopper in 3 days.

The Monday morning weigh-in showed I was down 3.5 lbs since I started this Impossible Diet. I think I know how it works. It’s not that the Impossible Whopper is low calorie. It is not. It’s not that the Impossible Whopper is healthy. It is not. I think what happens is it makes me feel so full and bloated that I have no desire to snack after eating it. This cuts down on any junk food consumption.

To test my theory, I did not have an Impossible Whopper on Monday. I ate normally, which for me included expired pie, although not from the garbage this time. By Tuesday morning, I was back up 1 lb.

I’m tempted to go all in on this Impossible Diet and see how much I can lose. Maybe I can be the Impossible Whopper weight loss guy like Jared was for Subway. I could follow in his footsteps!

Jared Subway

OK, so maybe he’s a bad example. There’s just not enough fast food, weight loss spokespeople around who are not convicted felons and pedophiles.

The biggest impediment to my weight loss plan is the money. Each Impossible Whopper cost $6 and some change. That’s over $180 per month for my filthy Impossible Whopper habit, and over $2160 a year! I think instead of using the $180 a month for daily Impossible Whoppers, I may just use that money to hire people to compliment me and tell me how slim I look even with my winter weight on all summer. After work today, I will be driving past a Burger King. We’ll see if I can resist the temptation to feel stuffed and bloated.

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