Author: Jim Flanigan

My March to Weight Loss

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

I need to focus on March for weight loss, because February was a disaster. I gained a pound. On second thought, considering world events, the added pound in February probably doesn’t really qualify as a disaster.

It wasn’t for lack of effort that I gained weight. My steps/cycles remained consistent.

Negating those consistent steps was my love for chocolate and Valentine’s Day intersecting. It would help if my wife bought me chocolate from the dollar store rather than from the fancy-schmancy chocolatier in town. Maybe she loves me so much that she wants there to be more of me to love. Well, in February, she got her wish.

But Valentine’s Day was just one day. That can’t be the whole reason for my weight gain. I think I know what the real reason is though.

Continue reading “My March to Weight Loss” →

Flies On Washington Walls #199

~ Jim Flanigan

Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

COVID is over, at least if you shop by us. Now that the indoor mask mandate has been rescinded in Illinois, us masked folks are in the minority now walking around inside stores. I’m conflicted. I know wearing masks is uncomfortable for people, but since we’ve been masking these past 2 years, I have been extremely healthy. Even though I am a well-conditioned (Editor’s Note: False) athlete (Editor’s Note: False) who competes (Editor’s Note: Rarely) at a highly competitive level (Editor’s Note: Very False), I have historically suffered from respiratory illnesses almost like clockwork every winter. Well, not the last two masked winters. I guess I can keep on masking, but there’s also one other issue.

There is a large store by us where I can get a little shopping done while also doing my business banking. And it is so large that I can get a nice long walk in if I walk the inside perimeter of the store a couple times which I do in the cold weather for a change of pace. With everyone masked in the store, I never worried about letting loose with a bit of gas from time to time as the need arose while walking. The ambient noise level in those stores is generally high enough that any toot less than a real cheek flapper is normally not noticeable. And with everyone masked, nobody could smell any of my rippers. It was perfect, but now that masks are gone, people’s olfactory systems are on high alert again.

So, I want the mask mandate reinstated, basically so I don’t get sick and can walk around stores healthy and farting. Am I a bad guy?

Mite Be Funny #264 – Wordling

~ Jim Flanigan

A Syrupy Post

~ Jim Flanigan

I’m following up my last Cheesy Post with a syrupy post. I had no idea it was a very special time of the year until I saw this on my walk through my neighborhood today.

Are you thinking it is the season when trees pee blue into buckets placed next to them? No, but close. This pic should make it clearer.

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A Cheesy Post

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

As I did a recent Twitter scroll to get caught up on world news, I stumbled across this pic with excellent advice on enchanting women. Single guys in particular, take note.

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Flies On Washington Walls #198 – SOTU Question

~ Jim Flanigan

Owl Issues

~ Jim Flanigan

I’m pretty upset about the war on Ukraine, and then I get this email.

I use Gift Tree to send business Christmas gifts to valued customers, so very few. I guess they now want me to send overpriced gift baskets to people for their birthdays. That is not going to happen. But I opened their email because I want to know why owls give birthday gifts as teased in the subject line. However, nowhere in their email do they explain why owls are birthday gifters. This is driving me crazy/crazier. Why DO owls give birthday gifts? Because they give a hoot? That’s weak but all I could come up with. I googled that riddle and came up empty. Can someone help me? In the meantime, here’s some Owl City to inspire you to come up with an answer.

Correction!

~ Jim Flanigan

I posted my last post when I was sleepy and upset about the Russian invasion of Ukraine, and I made a grievous error. Rather than 2016, I typed 2020 in this section …

“Ukrainians elected a comedian as president. How could they be taken seriously? Yes, a similar argument can be made about the USA in 2016, but that’s a blog post for another day that has already been written by many and read by millions.”

Yeah, 2020 in there sure changes the meaning and might piss off a lot of friends. I have a good mind to hire an editor and fire them immediately over such a mistake. So, sorry if that error got your undies in a bundle. It was unintentional. Thankfully, readership of this blog is low!

What Ukraine Means to Me

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

Just a few years ago, before Donald Trump asked Ukrainian President Zelenskyy for an infamous favor and brought the spotlight on Ukraine, this is how I viewed the country.

  • It was The Ukraine. I’m not sure why, since it makes no sense. It’s not The Greece or The Canada. Why The Ukraine? No idea, but it sounded correct.
  • The capital city was two-syllable Kiev.
  • Ukrainians elected a comedian as president. How could they be taken seriously? Yes, a similar argument can be made about the USA in 2016, but that’s a blog post for another day that has already been written by many and read by millions.
  • Ukrainian national clothing was colorful.
  • The Ukraine was part of the former USSR, so could they really be trusted? Aren’t they likely in cahoots with Russia?
  • We have a Ukrainian Village neighborhood in Chicago, so maybe that means they’re okay and can be trusted after all.
  • I had no idea why The Ukraine was important economically.

Things have changed for me.

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Mite Be Funny #263 – Freedom for Ukraine!

~ Jim Flanigan

I realize that some of you may not be able to or may not have the desire to translate. Right mite ends with, “Freedom!” Left mite replies by saying, “Mite Be Patriotic,” although it can also be translated as “Tick Be Patriotic,” which doesn’t work quite as well. The bottom line is that we support Ukraine as they are invaded by Putin’s army.

If you wish to donate to relief efforts, please do. I’m as much of a pacifist as anyone, but I want to arm the Ukrainian military. That’s what Ukrainian President Zelenskyy has requested – money for armaments. Why the USA has not flooded Ukraine with weapons is beyond me. But here’s how you can donate directly to the Ukrainian military through the National Bank of Ukraine.

https://bank.gov.ua/en/news/all/natsionalniy-bank-vidkriv-spetsrahunok-dlya-zboru-koshtiv-na-potrebi-armiyi

Bank transfers are easy. Just visit with your banker and bring the details from the above link. Freedom for Ukraine!

Broadway Bound!

~ Jim Flanigan

My wife and I were proud parents last weekend as we got to see our middle daughter dance on Broadway. That’s right, after graduating from the university with one of her degrees in Performance Dance, she made it to Broadway less than a year later. Unfortunately, that would be Broadway Ave. in Chicago at the intimate Edge Theater. Regardless, we were thrilled with seeing her do what she loves to do. Here she is with the rest of the dance ensemble at the end of the show.

What a coincidence that our daughter was standing directly under a big white arrow when they took the pic. And yes, we are a transracial family with our three youngest children being adopted. I don’t want any readers confused … or more confused than usual after reading one of my blog posts.

It always makes a parent feel good to see their child doing something they love. We love watching our middle daughter dance, especially when no poles are involved. Unfortunately, the dance ensemble our daughter is in is more focused on art rather than profit, so our daughter has to work 3 other jobs to make money. I did point out to her that there is a professional dance team located very close to us which probably pays well as they dance to entertain the great citizens of the USA. Take a look.

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I Can’t Speak Truth

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 3 Comments

Why can’t I speak Truth? Because they won’t let me into Truth Social, the latest Trump social media experiment. I missed Trump’s last social media experiment, a short-lived blog that lasted all of one month. My blog has (amazingly) lasted about 8000% longer. I think I did the math correct, but it’s not like you’re going to check. Anyway, there was no way I wanted to miss this new Trump social media foray. I signed up for the app, and received this message.

Ugh! That was a few days ago, and I am still locked out. Estimates are the end of March for the app to be fully functional. It reminds me of this famous Michael Keaton movie scene.

To be fair, the only reason I wanted to join is to leave a terrible review and then delete the app. Oh, and maybe leave as my Truth Social legacy a few virulent anti-Trump posts about him being a career criminal, and that would be speaking the truth.

Twoday

~ Jim Flanigan

I received a text from my youngest daughter’s school reminding everyone that today is actually twoday. You know, 2-22-22 in the US and 22-2-22 in the rest of the world. I much prefer the symmetry of 22-2-22 and love those even numbers, despite 2 being prime. Thanks, OCD! I will not much like 55-5-55 assuming my kids preserve my brain for reanimation at some point in 2055 and that May has expanded to 55 days by then through an invasion and annexation of part of April.

Anyway, the school is encouraging students to dress with a 2 theme today. You know, 2 socks, 2 shoes, or limiting them to 2 facial piercings & visible tattoos. I think my daughter is planning to wear one of my toupees, or I should say twopees, twoday.

As for me, I have big plans.

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Mite Be Funny #262 – The Tepid Conclusion of The Laundry Chronicles

~ Jim Flanigan

From my last post, you may have gotten the idea that I would be writing more about interesting topics which would logically not include mite-based cartoons. Well, I workshopped the concept, and I found that my focus group was fascinated by mite-based adventures. I will clarify that my focus group consisted of my two dogs and involved choosing treats to define their blog preferences. But who am I to deny science?

Anyhoo, when last we left this stirring adventure that has generated some film interest, our impavid (go ahead, look it up, it’s a real word) mites were facing starvation trapped in a linen closet. Read on to discover the lackluster conclusion to the Mite Be Funny Laundry Chronicles.

Continue reading “Mite Be Funny #262 – The Tepid Conclusion of The Laundry Chronicles” →

Whither Goest Me?

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

Once again, I am changing course. I had become resigned to sliding ignominiously into retirement over the course of this year as my German product supplier for my small business pulled their product from sales in the US due to some EU regulatory issues. But now, it appears that I have inexplicably brokered a deal to have the German product assembled in the US by a 60 million dollar company located not 30 minutes from my house. Weird. In addition, my small business should still have access to the product to sell. So, I’m back in business, at least for a while. It’s probably for the best as the WordPress WordAds revenue from this blog continues to deteriorate.

Advertisers must be taking the time to read this nonsense. And two other possible sources of income have also dried up.

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Is a Mite Be Funny Movie Coming?

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

I am pleased to announce the good news that there is STRONG interest in turning the Mite Be Funny Laundry Chronicles into an animated short subject film. The bad news is the interest comes only from me, and I am much too lazy to do anything about it.

Super Bowl Sunday Random Thoughts

~ Jim Flanigan

It was a big day in the US on Sunday with the Super Bowl, and as usual, I thought too much, just not about anything important. Here are some of those random thoughts.

Puppy Bowl

I watched the second half of the Puppy Bowl before the Super Bowl, as Team Fluff tussled with Team Ruff. I came to 2 conclusions after watching.

  1. I don’t think there are actual rules for the Puppy Bowl. Any “rules” that do exist seem fluid at best. I mean, the “referee” declared that one dog running from one end zone to the other had scored a double touchdown. A DOUBLE touchdown! I know the Puppy Bowl is for a good cause, but I would like to see a stricter codification of rules in the future.
  2. I should not have bet on the Puppy Bowl until they tighten up the rules a bit.

I Deserve a Super Bowl Ring

Don’t just dismiss my laying claim to a Super Bowl ring as more nonsense from me. I will make a cogent argument and compelling case.

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Mite Be Funny #261 – The Laundry Chronicles Part 5

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

When we left our valorous mites last week, they had just survived a tumble dry. Let’s check in on their adventures this week.

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Twice as Bad Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

~ Jim Flanigan

The other day, I added air to my wife’s car’s tires using an air compressor that plugs into the car’s 12V power outlet. The use of the compressor plus the cold weather overnight was enough to drain the car’s battery, and my wife was unable to start her car the next morning. After driving her to work, I used a trickle charger on the battery and got it back to full strength.

Yes, I admit I drained the battery. But I do want credit for:

  • Inflating the tires.
  • Driving her to work.
  • Charging her battery.

Am I a bad guy?

And now on to my Spotify dilemma …

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