My Apple Watch Review

If you recall, I got a totally free Apple Watch that I must wear in exchange for a company using the data from the watch to study my brain. Yep, you read that correctly – my brain. I absolutely got the better end of that deal.

It’s worked out okay so far. I had no idea how many people wear Apple Watches until I started wearing one and noticing others wearing the same. I feel like I’m sort of in a club now, like a biker gang. You know how bikers signal each other when they pass?

Well. I’ve started signaling to other Apple Watch wearers. I think this signal is subtle, but effective. Take a look.

I haven’t gotten a lot of acknowledgement in return, but I’m confident this signaling will eventually catch on.

I like the Apple Watch, but I don’t love it. I wouldn’t buy one at the price Apple wants for them. There are plenty of less expensive alternatives available in the market. I could buy 10 Appel Watches for the price of 1 Apple Watch. Here’s what I don’t particularly like about it.

• It’s too smart. My phone used to count my bike cranks as steps. So much for being a smartphone. Well, not any longer. If I’m cycling, the smarty-pants Apple Watch will narc on me to my phone that I’m really not taking steps. My dumbass phone is so impressionable that it listens to my watch and deducts the cranks made while on my bike from the total steps/cranks shown on my phone. I have actually seen the step totals on my phone be reduced once my bike ride is finished. Consequently, I no longer track steps. To be honest, it’s a bit liberating. So, a negative and positive all in one.
• It’s too bossy, always telling me I can do more. My watch sends me notifications to stand, move, and work out. How about a notification every so often to sit on my ass and have a beer? Maybe I need to wear it around my sore knees, so it can sense their pain and send me a notification to take it a bit easy.
• It’s not waterproof. I can’t take it on any of my swims, and I am swimming across the English Channel this summer. Not only doesn’t it track my swimming as exercise, but I can’t wear it as a watch in the water to tell time. In order to reduce my complaining about the expensive computer on my wrist that I got for free not being completely waterproof and submersible, my wife bought me this comically large watch for Father’s Day.

Wow, my arm looks positively Sasquatchishly hairy in that pic.

Anyway, I love the watch, and I feel I’m making one or more of these following statements when I wear the watch:

• I’m really interested in what time it is.
• I am farsighted.
• I want everyone around me to know what time it is.
• I’m too cheap for a Timex.

Way back in my triathloning days, I did own and wear a Timex Ironman watch. It didn’t make me any faster, but it did let me know how slow I really was.

I do like the brand name of this watch – Beeasy (Be Easy?). It’s made in China, and I wonder if someone over there used Google Translate to come up with an American phrase for chill out. Be Easy is close, but with some possible additional connotations.

Back to the Apple Watch, sure I can use it to take phone calls, read and reply to texts, check email, get the weather forecast, check my pulse, get a map and directions, listen to music, order stuff online, etc. But did I mention it is not fully IP68 waterproof?

If you still don’t understand my complaint, it’s kind of like Democrats and Independents in 2016 voting for Donald Trump. And if you are one of those people, thanks for 7 years of hell since the orange scourge came down that escalator. Anyway, back to the illogical logic, there’s no doubt Hillary Clinton was more learned, more experienced, and more ready to lead the USA in 2016, but what about her emails?

And what about my Apple Watch’s emails? They’re right there on my Apple Watch, ready to read. It’s truly an amazing device that’s not fully IP68 waterproof. My other new watch reminds me that I need to Be Easy, just let it go, and enjoy my Apple Watch on dry land. As if I could.