What’s in a Name?

The new Michael Wolff book “Fire and Fury” is certainly making news these past couple days. The cable news hosts at CNN and MSNBC have enjoyed mini-vacations as all they are doing is reading book excerpts and asking their guests to comment. CNN’s Wolf Blitzer seems to love the book, but I pondered the possibilities if perhaps he loves the author, too.

What if Wolf Blitzer and Michael Wolff fell in love and married? Would that result in a Wolf Wolff? And what’s with the double f at the end of the Wolff surname? Why? That just seems to me to be a gratuitous and wasteful use of the letter f. With a last name of Flanigan, I am a bit concerned about a shortage of the letter f if this book becomes a bestseller and the author’s name is printed millions of times with the double f. Jim lanigan Looks at the World? That’ll cost me money if I have to take a new web domain. uckin’ Trump. Oh, it’s happening already!

I do think Blitzer’s first name of Wolf is pretty cool. It’s a strong, masculine name that tells the world “Don’t uck with me.” This f shortage is starting to get annoying. I think Ted Cruz may be President today if he had followed Blitzer’s lead. Throughout the campaign, Trump was calling Cruz by the nickname of Lyin’ Ted Cruz. All Cruz needed to do was change his name to Lion Ted Cruz. Then when Trump called him Lyin’ Ted Cruz, Cruz could have given Trump the old schoolyard retort, “That’s my name; don’t wear it out.” And today we would have President Ted Cruz. O … M … G. What have I just written?