The future King Donald I of America is already hard at work implementing some of his policies even before his pending coronation. Following a tip he received during his monthly visit to the Hare Club for Men, Trump recently dispatched some of his campaign minions to track down a Mr. Peter Rabbit, also known by some of his aliases as Peter Cottontail and The Easter Bunny. Unfortunately for us, they were successful in tracking down Mr. Rabbit, holed-up in a burrow in a borough of NY City. Trump’s goon squad took Peter into custody for interrogation.
With waterboarding not allowed quite yet to extract the information they needed, Trump’s thugs took a DNA sample from Peter … the hard way. I won’t go into details, but let’s just say that he won’t be hopping down the bunny trail anytime soon.
DNA results confirmed that Mr. Peter Rabbit was indeed a Sylvilagus cunicularius, or more commonly known as … a Mexican Cottontail.
Cute? Yes. Legal? No. Mr. Rabbit had no papers, visa, or even a passport. Trump eagerly handed Peter over to federal agents for immediate deportation back to Mexico. Trump bloviated gleefully about how his wall will keep out all illegals like Peter Rabbit in the future United States of Trump. When asked to respond to Trump’s claim that the wall will cut down on illegal border crossings, Peter Rabbit offered a succinct two word reply, “I burrow.”
With nobody to deliver Easter baskets this Sunday, Trump was pleased to roll-out his line of Trump baskets filled with expired Trump Steaks, old Trump Vodka (I’m not sure if vodka can go bad after 5 years, but I think this one maybe started out bad) , Trump Ice Water (mmm, tasteless) and the latest issue of Trump Magazine with an article about the new Obama administration. And for those that will not purchase a Trump basket, King Donald offered this alternative …