Author: Jim Flanigan

I Was a Coronavirus Zombie

~ Jim Flanigan

Schools are closed. Bars and restaurants are supposed to close at the end of business today. Hey, what about restaurants that are open 24/7? Do they have to abide by the ban if they don’t close today? Food and paper products are in short supply. I know my family is debating if they should eat me now while I am still fat in order to conserve the rest of the food in the house.

I took matters into my own hands last night at 10PM as I went out to feed. Just to clarify, I pretty much self-quarrantine every winter after dark. Last night I felt like I had been turned into a coronavirus zombie, going out after dark to feed when there would be no lines. Oops, I was an hour early. It turns out that many others had the same idea around 10PM. I kept to myself, huddled in a fetal position on a barren shelf in the canned vegetable aisle next to a solitary can of okra until the crowd cleared a bit by 11PM.

This is one of the first sights that greeted me when I walked in …

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Another Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

~ Jim Flanigan

Now that we are in the grip of the coronavirus, I find myself starting to hoard food and toilet paper from my family.

Am I a bad guy?

Responsibility is for Suckers

~ Jim Flanigan

I pushed an old lady out of the way today so I could buy the last package of toilet paper left on the shelf due to the coronavirus panic-buying with the money I took from the Children’s Cancer contribution container on the way in. But it’s all good because as Trump says, “I don’t take responsibility at all.”

Trump Sun Blame

Well, this was a lovely, mish-mash of a jumbled post. But you get the picture. Donald Trump will always take full credit for anything good that happens, but never take any blame or responsibility for anything bad. Ever.

 

Flies On Washington Walls #167 – Social Distancing Multi-Panel Edition

~ Jim Flanigan

FOWW #167a social distancing

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A Decision I Kneeded to Correct

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 7 Comments

A few posts back, I mentioned that I needed to make a decision between walking with a cane and training for a 5K race. I decided on the 5K race. I soon came to regret that decision this past Saturday.

I injured my right knee while walking the dog on Saturday. Then I further injured it while walking through the store to purchase a knee brace. Why would I need a knee brace? So I could go on a planned run Saturday afternoon which went well with minimal pain. The brace worked! And then my knee inflated like Trump’s ego at one of his rallies.

This is not my knee, but this pic is highly representative of what mine looked like.

Knee swollen

The kneecap is under there somewhere. So, I rested and iced and expected it to get better quickly. Nope. There was no way I could exercise and do my deep knee bends.

knee bends

So I bit the bullet and went to see an orthopedist specializing in sports injuries which is a stretch. That’s like Trump going to see a psychiatrist specializing in geniuses.

We jointly decided on a treatment protocol and this is what she pulled from my knee.

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~ Jim Flanigan

My friend mentioned he was working on social distancing to protect himself against the coronavirus. People (especially women) have understandably been social distancing me my whole life, so I think I’m safe.

Coronavirus Stock-up

~ Jim Flanigan

Now that the coronavirus has hit our local area, the stock-up has begun. We drink our tap water, so we don’t need to stock-up on that. I could survive off my winter blubber for months, so at least I don’t need to stock-up on food. My wife did decide to stock-up on toilet paper.

Toilet Paper

She was a bit disappointed that I wasn’t more excited about that. Am I supposed to be using that stuff? I thought that was more of an extravagence that the ladies use. Oh well, I guess I can learn.

Don’t Cross the Coronavirus

~ Jim Flanigan

Well, at least we see some benefit from the coronavirus.

cross2

And yes, these are actual, real crucifixions. Here’s what one of the crucified (crucifiee?) has to say …

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~ Jim Flanigan

I’m 2 weeks through a 5 week book discussion group with some old ladies at our new church. They said they were thrilled to have a “younger” gentlemen in the group. They should all get new glasses. So far, I have not made an ass out of myself. I don’t necessarily like that trend, nor would I bet the rent that it will continue.

Party Time!

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

I had sort of forgotten about a book of short stories being published with one of my stories in it until I got an email with an invitation to a Book Release Party! I imagined getting fitted for my tuxedo for the event. Leave it a bit loose in the crotch for dancing.

Tuxedo

Visions of my red carpet arrival danced in my head.

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RIP Max von Sydow

~ Jim Flanigan

Max von Sydow died yesterday. RIP to a great actor. I know I should have immediately thought of one of his roles in an Ingmar Bergman film or at least “The Exorcist.” Instead, my mind immediately flashed on his role as Brewmeister Smith in “Strange Brew.” I found that role odd for such a great actor, but I think me remembering it first says more about me than him acting in such a bad movie.

Or is it a bad movie?

Yeah, it is. Yet another guilty pleasure of mine.

~ Jim Flanigan

It was nice to see Trump honor International Women’s Day yesterday by hitting from the Ladies tees during his round of golf.

Mite Be Funny #160 – Mite Be Political Special Multi-Panel Edition

~ Jim Flanigan

Mite Be Funny #160a Bernie Biden

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Coronavirus Test – Pass or Fail?

~ Jim Flanigan

The Trump Administration promised 1 million coronavirus test kits by this weekend. I complain a lot about Trump, but this time, I have to give credit where credit is due. They delivered, big time. Coronavirus tests, anyone?

Coronavirus Test

Thanks to @Tarquin_Helmet on Twitter for this brilliant one.

Too Much Iron(y) in the Water

~ Jim Flanigan

Having been raised Catholic, I wanted to visit Lourdes to solve my acne problems of adolescence. I was convinced that just one face-washing in the healing water of Lourdes would zap my zits. But now this news article …

Lourdes

Shouldn’t we be bringing coronavirus patients to Lourdes to bathe them? Apparently, there’s not only iron, but irony in the waters of Lourdes. Oh well, back to drinking bleach.

Post Super Tuesday Voices

~ Jim Flanigan

The voices I hear normally tell me to practice good personal hygiene and try to stay semi-sober. However, in the wake of Super Tuesday, they have been overshadowed by new voices as I contemplate my upcoming Illinois primary vote.

My wallet had been telling me to vote for Mike Bloomberg, but how can I trust my wallet? No matter how much money I put in it, I always find it empty. Moot point now as Bloomberg is out. Hey Mike, you can always look back and know that American Samoa was all in for you. I think him being in the race was good. He showed the rest of the Democrats exactly how to attack Trump. His anti-Trump ads were clever and effective. I hope they continue.

My heart has been telling me to vote for Elizabeth Warren. However, my heart is also responsible for me ending up with … Continue reading “Post Super Tuesday Voices” →

Winnowing the Candidates – Super Tuesday Edition

~ Jim Flanigan

When I last winnowed, I had no idea that we would be talking about a new candidate when I winnowed again. I also had no idea that I wouldn’t winnow again until Super Tuesday, but the candidates were doing sufficient self-winnowing. I really like that word … winnow. Anyway, welcome to the race, Mike Bloomberg, and don’t let the door hit you in the ass when you leave … quickly … like right now. Consider yourself winnowed. We don’t need 2 non-Democrats in the Democratic primary.

I’m not surprised Elizabeth Warren is still in the race. I love her as a politician and would be proud to vote for her for President. However, I appear to be in the minority. I have heard her described as shrill. The Return of Shrillary? I think the USA still has a ways to go before accepting and electing a female as President, and that makes me sad.

Over the course of this campaign, I have personally supported the candidacies of Beto O’Rourke, Eric Swalwell, Kamala Harris, Amy Klobuchar, Mayor Pete, Liz Warren, and Joe Biden. Boy, can I ever pick the quitters. You may notice one big name candidate missing from that group. That candidate is who I voted for in the 2016 Democratic primary. That candidate is …

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Mite Be Funny #159 – Coronavirus Multi-Panel Edition

~ Jim Flanigan

Mite Be Funny #159a Coronavirus

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New Music for Old Rockers – Acronym Edition

~ Jim Flanigan

I’ve never been much of a Radiohead fan. I like some of their stuff and respect them as artists, but their music has never been fun enough for me. God, that makes me sound so shallow, so I guess it’s fairly accurate. Along comes Radiohead’s guitarist Ed O’Brien with a new EOB album called Earth to be released in April, and I’m having some musical fun with this EOB single just released this month. Take a listen …

I love the slow layering of tracks over the first 2 minutes of the song. Then the tune heats up, cools off, heats up, cools off, heats up, and finishes as layered tracks get stripped away to nothing. It’s not exactly a sing-along song, but this blogger’s toe was a-tappin’.

And if you want more EOB … Continue reading “New Music for Old Rockers – Acronym Edition” →