Mite Be Funny #256 – Giant Multi-Panel Spiderman Movie Review Edition
Author: Jim Flanigan
Freezing for Democracy
I attended a rally for democracy yesterday on the anniversary of the January 6th Capitol insurrection. In the past, I blogged that rallying for voting rights was dumb, but having to rally to solicit support for democracy sounds even dumber to me. But there I was yesterday, in single digit cold temps, on a bridge with no feeling in my fingers or toes. Now those single digit temps were in Fahrenheit. In Celsius, it was around -12 or -13, which seems even colder to me. However, in Kelvin it was a balmy 260. I want to live in a Kelvin world NOW.
Anyhoo, we got plenty of support, but there were the usual middle fingers thrown our way and “Let’s go, Brandon” yells. Hey buddy, Brandon won. But the oddest comment was someone who yelled that democracy leads to communism. Is that the latest “logic” from Fox News?
I am a bit upset about my picture making the local newspaper. Take a look.
Continue reading “Freezing for Democracy”Flies On Washington Walls #197 – Happy Anniversary?
An Anniversary Post
Today’s date marks an anniversary of an important event I know I’ll never forget. My wife and I were both in attendance. No, it’s not our wedding anniversary. I still get confused about that date. I’m neither proud nor ashamed that we were at this event. We were just there. There’s no doubt that we got caught up in the moment. There was a lot of yelling, a lot of confusion, and a lot of violence playing out in front of us. We had never seen anything like it unfolding before our eyes. I expect we will never see anything like it again. As a reminder, take a look at this video memory.
Continue reading “An Anniversary Post”My Holiday Accomplishments
The list of all that I accomplished over the holidays is too long to write about, so that’s a bit of luck for you readers. But I can still waste your time giving you some selected highlights. I already wrote about spending some quality time with our dogs. But wait, there’s more!
First thing I did was try not to be such a dick when I was out shopping and running errands. I was inspired by this older pic of Alice Cooper serving others that resurfaced and made the rounds on Twitter recently.
I wasn’t as ambitious as Mr. Cooper, but I tried to hold doors for others and keep a smile on my face. When cars cut me off, I made sure to wave at the drivers with all the fingers on my hand and not just the middle one. I always wonder what the world would be like if each person in the world did those little things every day for a whole year.
I also stayed healthy. I told you about my COVID test. We heard of a friend of the family who got very sick with COVID but is recovering. We also heard of some folks who are friends of friends who have passed away. They predict the omicron variant infection rate in Chicagoland will peak by the end of January. Looks like no indoor public activities for a while still. See you outside in spring!
Professionally, the news I received just before the holidays was bad, and I took some time over the holidays to process it and feel comfortable about my future.
Continue reading “My Holiday Accomplishments”Physics, schmysics!
I have read that the fabric of the universe is what smarty-pants physics “scientists” call spacetime. I question that. I have heard it is a very comfortable 60/40 cotton/polyester blend.
Whistling in the Dark
Once again, I am moved to pose a burning sociocultural question for readers of this blog to ponder, discuss, and possibly even formulate an answer in case anyone can offer clarity and direction. Well, here we go. If a person goes to bed and finds their nose to be whistling a bit while breathing, is that person under any social, moral, cultural, or ethical obligation to eliminate that nose whistle by any means possible before they fall asleep lest they annoy their bed partner enough during the night to prompt their bed partner to punch the nose whistler’s shoulder? Asking for a friend.
Mite Be Funny #255 – New Year’s Resolutions
A Holiday Gone to the Dogs
I had some time off over the Christmas holiday, so I focused my attention on the dogs, much to their dismay. We have 2 dogs now, a standard poodle and a rescue mutt that is part basset hound and part slinky. Our poodle Lola grew to be a bit larger than we had hoped, so I tried to turn her into a toy poodle over the holiday. Was I successful? Take a look and you be the judge.
Continue reading “A Holiday Gone to the Dogs”Don’t Look Up & Definitely Don’t Exercise
I watched that new movie Don’t Look Up. I didn’t think it was the greatest film ever made, but liked parts of it. Well, so much for the movie review portion of this blog post. One part I found totally unbelievable was when they showed people exercising while watching the news of a giant comet coming to destroy the planet.
If I knew a planet-killing comet was on the way, I would immediately cease all forms of exercise and healthy eating. I would eat myself into a chocolate coma (good name for a band) and await the inevitable destruction. Of course, that would be after I took care of my family by telling them to take shelter in the basement and to keep their grubby mitts off my chocolate.
A Lovely Holiday Game
Let’s play a game. Take a look at the table below.
Things Stuck in Body Orifices in 2021 per the Consumer Product Safety Commission
| Body orifice | item stuck in orifice |
|---|---|
| Ear | Spork (Combination of Spoon & Fork) |
| Nose | Two Batteries |
| Throat | Billiard Ball |
| Penis | Chopstick |
| Vagina | Hello Kitty |
| Rectum | Rubber Snake |
This comes from an article in The Defector which offers a complete list aggregated from the US Consumer Product Safety Commission reports about emergency room procedures. But don’t link to it yet!!! We have to play the game first. The body orifices and items shown above are not matched correctly. Your job is to match them up properly. The answer follows if you continue reading.
Continue reading “A Lovely Holiday Game”Mite Be Funny #254 – Christmas Gifts
My Positive Christmas COVID Test
Before starting our Christmas festivities with family, we all tested for Covid as some in the family are immunocompromised. We used nasal swab home test kits.
The store was out of the rectal test versions that I prefer. Anyway, with these nasal tests, one red line means you are negative for Covid, and two red lines mean you got the Covid.
Pretty simple, right? I was grateful that my test yielded only one red line. But what did what was underneath mean? Take a look.
Continue reading “My Positive Christmas COVID Test”A Bad Moth Joke
I figured I would finish my 12 Days of Blogging with the third in the series of “A Bad M_th Joke” posts. Two days ago, it was about math. Yesterday, meth. Today, thanks to Norm MacDonald (RIP), I am pleased to present his famous bad moth joke in animated form.
Fortunately for you readers, muth and mith are not words.
A Bad Meth Joke
I’m following up my Bad Math Joke post with a Bad Meth Joke post. I spotted this on a news website.
What isn’t his, the cocaine and meth or the penis?
A Bad Math Joke
I’m exhausted here on the 11th of my 12 Days of Blogging. I can barely lift my fingers to type this post. Instead of a staccato rat-tat-tat on the keyboard, it is a legato click … click …click.
I am out of blogging ideas (never stopped me from blogging before), but I am in my fantasy football playoffs, and I noticed something very unusual that I figured I would share. In the first round of the playoffs, playoff seeds #1, #3, #5, & #7 won their first round games.
Hmm, seeds #1, #3, #5, & #7 advanced. I don’t know about you, but those numbers seem very odd to me.
Happy Festivus
That’s right, Google tells me that today is the holiday of Festivus.
And you know what that means, right?
Well, hold on, can we take care of another Festivus tradition first?
That’s right, the airing of grievances. I’ve got a lot of complaints to air, mostly about the unvaccinated these days, although I find I can and usually do complain about most everything. However, I’ll reserve this blog for my wife’s Christmas grievance.
Continue reading “Happy Festivus”A Holiday Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?
As I was out Christmas shopping last night, I noticed emergency vehicles at a restaurant in the shopping mall area.
Rather than hope and pray that anyone being tended to by emergency services is going to be okay, I immediately want to eat at the restaurant in case the food is so rich and so delicious that it caused a heart attack. Am I a bad guy?
A Gift For You
A gift I just received this Christmas season has been a 24+ hour internet outage. I almost was unable to give you this gift, but then I went to the local public library to go online and post your gift. I know that you’re thinking, “An even nicer gift would have been no post today.” But it is Day 9 of the 12 Days of Blogging, so if I don’t gift you soon, you’re getting nothing, and plenty of it.
My award-winning book of 16 short stories was originally 18. But there was one story that just didn’t fit well with the rest, so I axed it. That left the story total at 17 … a prime number. My OCD immediately rejected that idea, so I cut another story to get to 16 … a perfect square number. Yes, I am an OCD math geek, a horrible combination if you a planning the guest list for a dinner party. Hey, watch me chew my bite of food the same number of times on each side of my mouth!
Anyway, the following story got cut from the book. Yes, the award-winning, well-reviewed book of short stories I wrote available for under a buck by clicking HERE. I have set-up the story on Amazon for you Kindle and Kindle app users. The price is set at $0.99, the same as my award-winning, well-reviewed, very inexpensive book of short stories. But you don’t have to pay that price for a story with just over 3000 words. Wait until Thursday morning, and the first thing to do when you arise is to click this link to get this short story for FREE. Well, maybe tinkle first and then order. And you should brush your teeth. That morning breath! Ugh!
Click this link to get my short story “Every Time a Bell Rings” for FREE Thursday morning. It is a holiday story, sort of a sequel to It’s a Wonderful Life, following Clarence the angel after the movie ends. Now I know some of you hate Amazon, so if you click to continue reading, the whole story follows, still for FREE. Is it a Christmas classic? More like classic sacrilege and blasphemy for fans of the movie. But hey, a classic something nonetheless. If you enjoy it, make sure to review it on Amazon. Now where the hell’s MY gift?
Continue reading “A Gift For You”International Man of Business
I have enjoyed being involved in international business, both import and export, for many years now.
Working internationally with import-export has helped me realize that people the world over are just like me, trying to eke out a living and provide for their families. I wish those in the US who fear “furriners” could have a chance to interact more internationally. I think the US would be a less fearful and more accepting nation.
I export a bit to the Middle East these days. I have a wish for the New Year. One of my customers is a company in Saudi Arabia called Uranus Advanced Trading. I also export to a company in Bahrain that employs an individual who I want to go to work at Uranus Advanced Trading. Why? His name is Anil Titus. Yes, I want Anil Titus busy at Uranus. Yes, I am 10 years old.
And yes, I realize this post is not very Christmassy, but I promise I have a holiday gift for you in the next post as we continue to slog through my 12 Days of Blogging. A gift receipt will NOT be provided. Be nice and pretend to like it.
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 