No, I’m not talking about the government-ordered shutdown of businesses. I miss going to concerts and sports this year, but come on, let’s flatten the COVID-19 coronavirus curve.
No, I’m not talking about government-mandated mask wearing. If you don’t wear a mask, you’re an idiot. Hmm, let me restate that so you idiots will understand better. If you don’t wear a mask, your an idiot. Subtle, but appropriate difference.
No, I’m not talking about the government planning to inject us with tracking microchips included with the new COVID-19 vaccine. I’m ready for that.
The government won’t let me have any of this …
Buckfast Tonic Wine is made in the UK. I suffer from numerous maladies. Just ask me. I can wax poetic about my maladies for hours. I need a panacea for all my ailments. This is why I specifically want Buckfast …
- Ingredients of Buckfast Tonic Wine (green bottle), sold in the United Kingdom.
- Red wine, 15% alcohol
- Sodium glycerophosphate, an emulsifier.
- Dipotassium phosphate, a protein stabiliser
- Disodium phosphate, a stabiliser and emulsifier.
- Caffeine, 0.0375% w/v (about 50% higher in the Irish version)
- Vanillin
That’s right, 15% alcohol and the equivalent amount of caffeine as 8 cans of Coke. Sign me up. My biggest complaint with wine is that it makes me sleepy.
Not Buckfast. It’s a stimulant that also removes inhibitions. It also goes by the nicknames of:
- Wreck the Hoose Juice
- Commotion Lotion
- Cumbernauld Rocket Fuel
- Buckie Baracas
- And a bottle of “What the hell are you looking at?”
So, I went online to order some. The US government does not allow its distribution in the USA. Why is the US government repressing my rights to get totally shit-faced and unruly on Buckfast wine?
Thanks, Trump. No matter. I figured I would order some online and have it shipped from the UK. But then I encountered this …
No deliveries to Illinois or any surrounding states.
The Beastie Boys were prescient. These days you do have to fight for your right to party.
I’ll show Trump and the government not to infringe upon my rights. I’ll crush some caffeine tablets and add them to some high-alcohol wine and make my own Buckfast. Watch this blog to see how that goes.
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 