Don’t Look Back

In 1978, the band Boston was urging us to “Don’t Look Back.” However, recently I have been looking back because what’s behind me is more than what’s ahead of me. And I’m not referring to my fat ass. I’m taking about life. In 1978, I looked to my life ahead of me. In 2019, I do tend to reminisce a bit.

Recently, my elementary school was holding an all-alumni school reunion before it closed forever. I didn’t go, but after seeing on Facebook who went from my grade, I waxed a bit nostalgic. If only I had waxed my neck and shoulders before the reunion, maybe I would have gone.

But then, reality hit me in the face like a fish out of water. I think I’m mixing metaphors, but that allows me to use this gif …

I think I know what Boston was getting at back in ’78. I’ll explain.

One person who went to the reunion was a wild kid in school. I was sure that he would have been fun to hang with at the reunion. So I clicked on his Facebook profile and the pro-Trump memes spilled out onto my computer screen like malaprops from Trump at a rally. I was particularly troubled with what he wrote …

“I just figured out that my next birthday is the day after President Trump’s 2020 re-election.

I’m thinking off (sic) declaring my next Birthday as Trump Day. We should be reserving the capital (sic) mall now for the celebration.

Like if you think we need a Trump Day on the day after our President’s inevitable re-election. Maybe we should call it Patriot’s Day.”

Ew. I did not “like” that post. Looking back, he was never the sharpest student as the two “sics” I inserted reinforce.

And then I saw one of the cutest girls in school went to the reunion. I clicked on her Facebook profile and was disappointed to see this …

Gross. I wonder if Mother knows that Pence posed for a pic with a formerly cute girl. She doesn’t actually have a crying emoji for a head. I obscured her identity to protect the stupid. Oops, in that case, I missed slapping an emoji over Mike Pence’s face.

Boston was right. Don’t Look Back, indeed.