Alabama – Come for the Rape & Stay for the Incest

With the signing of their landmark anti-abortion bill into law, Alabama legislators are reaching out to an often overlooked demographic … male sexual predators who want a family. Alabama’s new anti-abortion law makes no exception in cases of rape or incest, so Alabama has instantly become a desirable destination for sexual predators looking to start a family.

Alabama State Senator Cletus “Skeeter” Fairborn, who voted ‘yes’ on the new law, explained his vote, “Look, Alabama is losing population for some reason. We got to get us some new citizens. Sexual predators are not welcome most places, but here in Alabama we love Judge Roy Moore. He’s a great role model of a sexual predator who has been able to lead a successful life in Alabama. Alabama would be lucky to have more people like Roy Moore moving into the state. Roll Tide!”

Alabama’s new law includes an amendment that provides a financial incentive of $1000 per household for each relative that the household entices to move to Alabama, as long as the relative is a convicted sexual predator, or willing to learn through taking state-approved classes. Skeeter continued, “Family life is real important to us here in Alabama, and what better way is there to expand our families than from healthy breeding stock within our own families?”

When asked to comment on why she didn’t veto the bill that takes control over women’s bodies away from women, Governor Kay Ivey explained, “I’m a woman. I have no control over what my body does.”

She certainly does not any longer.

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