Addicted to Gun Love

Just what is it about guns that make people so addicted to owning them? After a months long undercover investigation, the Jim Flanigan Looks at the World Investigative Team has that answer. Once someone buys a gun, they almost instantly are hooked. They will not give up their precious gun, and soon thereafter, more guns as gun owners crave and buy more and more. Why? What is the attraction? And why are gun owners always kissing and licking their guns? Sure, it sounds crazy, but gun fellatio is happening all around us.

In the movies …

Gun Lick

On TV …

kiss gun8

In the military …

kiss gun1

In street gangs …

kiss gun4

In convents …

Lindsay Lohan "Machete" Shoot

Wait, what? Convents? Sounds like nunsense to me, but pictures randomly taken off the internet don’t lie.

In advertising …

 

Whatever it is they are selling, I’m buying.

Even in cartoons …

kiss gun3

Why all the gun love? To get to the bottom of this, we sent a JFLATW investigative journalist undercover to the Smith & Wesson manufacturing facilities.

smith & wesson

After sucking up to management for months in an effort to either get to the bottom of this gun love story or to get a job at Smith & Wesson, our reporter finally got a break in the story.

Every gun begins in a forge that looks something like these …

Smith-Wesson-Forges-600x443

These forges shape metal into gun parts through heat and stamping.

Forging-process-1911-600x279

And what did our undercover reporter discover going on in those forges? A mysterious white powder was dusted over the parts, and the forging process literally pressed the white powder into the gun parts.

We asked our reporter to reach in and grab some of that white powder out of the forge for us. Unfortunately, Lefty was unable to do so successfully, but it doesn’t take a genius to put one and one together to see that the sky is blue. That’s right, Smith & Wesson is not only selling guns, but an addiction to the white powder pony that I call Horse. After the first time a gun owner kisses or licks a gun, they are hooked on heroin … allegedly. Geez Lefty, we sure could have used some of that white powder to analyze.

While we came away without definitive proof, we are thrilled that at least we have a kooky conspiracy theory which half of America seems to value more than facts these days. We’ll just let this theory ferment for a while, and then come back in a few months to drink of the intoxicating nonsense that results.

 

 

 

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