DC Neighborhood Not Mending Pences

The neighborhood that Mike Pence and his wife will be moving into has prepared for the Pence’s arrival with a display of the LGBT flag on many houses.

I wonder if Pence not only supports gay conversion therapy, but also gay supporters conversion therapy? Regardless, the DC neighborhood is not stopping at flags, but has even more surprises in store for the Pence’s once they move in.

Neighborhood children are busily preparing bags of dog poop that will be set ablaze in a round the clock game of Ding Dong Ditch once the Pence’s move in. When asked about the odor from hundreds of bags of dog excrement stored in his parent’s garage until January, 12 year old neighborhood scalawag Mikey Diggs said, “Yeah, it stinks. That’s the whole idea numnuts.” Cute kid.

In an unprecedented move, The Ladies of DC Annual Ornament Exchange Committee has for the first time ever established one guideline.

And perhaps the most cutting blow will be feisty Joe Biden’s decision to not give up his fantasy football team in the DC Administration League to Mike Pence. It has been tradition that the incoming administration gets to take over the outgoing administration’s teams. Not so for the 2017 season. Biden swears that the Biden Timers will return for the 2017 season.

I’m surprised he’s in fourth. Shouldn’t he be second?

Welcome to the neighborhood Mike Pence, and I’m sure I speak for all your new neighbors when I say, “Can’t wait for you to go the hell back to Indiana.”