Tag: satire
whitestmaninamerica@aol.com
I don’t know if Mike Pence broke any actual laws by using an unsecured AOL email address as governor of Indiana. Actually, I’m pretty impressed. I mean, in a state like Indiana where chances are you will marry a cousin, AOL is pretty cutting edge technology.
Well, it looks like he has learned his lesson, and from now on, the emails he receives at whitestmaninamerica@aol.com will be much more secure in the future.
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Resigned to Confirmation or Confirmed for Resignation?
Breaking BREAKING NEWS
Due to excessive use over the past 6 weeks, the CNN “BREAKING NEWS” chyron at the bottom of the screen has broken. The “R” and “E” in BREAKING have burned out and need to be replaced.
Although this is definitely not BAKING NEWS, Jeff Sessions is certainly feeling the heat.
Nyet
Breaking News …
In an effort to simplify the Russian investigation, Democrats now want to know if anyone in the Trump administration has NOT had contact with the Russians.
Orange Is The New Syndrome
I had a routine physical yesterday, but it was hardly routine as I was reminded of the harsh reality that I will live the rest of my life with …
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Lincoln Reacts to Trump Quoting Him
Devoid DeVos
Irish I Was Jewish
Healthcare is Hard
“I have to tell you, it’s an unbelievably complex subject. Nobody knew that health care could be so complicated.” – Donald Trump in a speech yesterday.
Nope, nobody on earth considered healthcare a complex issue, but after being told that it is, NOW WE DO. On this healthcare issue, Trump reminds me of the college student who doesn’t go to class all semester, but shows up for the final exam, and finds it to be difficult. Yes, that college student may have been me and the reason for the recurring dreams several decades later.
Trump is supposed to reveal details of his healthcare plan today when he addresses Congress. I expect it to be short on details, if any exist at all considering this “surprising” complexity of the whole healthcare issue. I would not be surprised if the basics of his plan could be summed up in this manner …
Thanks to Dr. Nick for putting it in a language even Trump can understand.
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This is going great.
Republicans Endorse Independent Investigation
Congressional Republicans have overwhelmingly endorsed the appointment of an independent counsel and the initiation of a bipartisan congressional committee investigation into who gave Warren Beatty the wrong card for Best Picture.
CPAC? See Terror!
Breaking News Alert!
The Department of Homeland Security has just issued a blockbuster report that shows that immigrants from the 7 nations affected by Trump’s Executive Order Muslim ban are less likely to commit an act of terror than CPAC attendees and especially CPAC guest speakers.
Deportation Transportation
The news from yesterday that Trump, Inc. had purchased the Trailways Bus Line was met with some confusion. Sure, bus travel is as bad of an experience as eating a Trump Steak, but the acquisition just didn’t seem to fit with the Trump brand. The shocking news that is breaking today now makes some sense of yesterday’s bus acquisition.
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Norway Saved From Swedish Terror
In a brilliant move, Norway quickly erected an imaginary border wall between Norway and Sweden as pictured here …
Apostrophe Catastrophe
Donald Trump is making news on this Presidents Day already.
Trump is probably too old to have gotten a participant trophy for soccer. They didn’t hand them out like diuretics at a nursing home back in the days when he was a wee lad. Now he wants his own trophe, or more correctly, his (apos)trophe. Wow, that is really a stretch, even for me.
Presidents Day? Nope, this day is not about a general milieu of presidents. This is about him. And isn’t General Milieu under consideration as National Security Advisor?
Presidents’ Day? Ah, the plural possessive form that literally nobody understands how to use properly, and certainly not Trump. Misusing an apostrophe? Trump says, “Your fired.”
President’s Day? He gets this. The day is his. Enjoy suckling at his presidential teat on President’s Day as the fake media writes that he has man boobs.
Happy Presidents Day
On this day, I want to extend my best wishes to our new President. He has truly accomplished a lot in his first 40 days or so in office. He has been quiet and dignified when in the public’s eye, and there’s so much more!
Enemy of the People
I decided to follow Trump’s lead on the media. In response to this real Trump tweet from yesterday …
I punched out our paperboy this morning. I figured he must be complicit with our enemy, delivering their fake news. That did not work out well. And is it really fair that unexpired, perfectly good coupons cannot be used to help make bail?
Scott Pruitt Takes a Dump
Leak On Me
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 