I am sad to say that one of my self-acclaimed and sometimes mildly amusing Mite Be Funny cartoons is NOT the all-time most-viewed post on this blog. It is this monstrosity …
It registers well over 3000 views, and that number continues to grow daily. If you search on Google for “maga hat mark of the best,” my post is at the top of page 2. I hesitate to post a link, but if someone is really interested in the original satirical post on Biblical/political (Biblitical?) numerology, click HERE.
In July, I added this post to disavow the original post as UTTER NONSENSE. It didn’t work. I could just kill the original post, but the views alternately entertain and terrify me. And then this comment from a reader arrived …
You’ve all enjoyed suckling at the teat of this blog for free for 5 years now. But let’s be honest … most of this is crap. Free was the right price. Almost 200 weekly Mite Be Funny cartoons? Cartoons about mulch? What’s going to happen to this blog when I won’t have Trump to complain about anymore? You’ll be presented with seemingly endless angry screeds about pointless minutiae in my life like too much lint in my pants pocket. Oh, that galls me. I hate it when it makes little lint balls. See? See where this blog may be headed? And don’t even get me started about socks that don’t stay up and slide down and bunch up in your shoes. That’s the worst.
Or, we could make it interesting. It’s time to put your money where my mouth is and make a tasty deposit. I’m having new business cards made: Jim Flanigan – Word Whore. That’s right, I plan to sell myself. Well, not myself as in my body. That ship has sailed. But I will sell my writings. Check out the Published Works page on this blog. There you can buy my published short story without buying the book, my political potboiler novella from earlier this year, and my new book of short stories about the afterlife (Coming Soon!).
So, take a look at the Published Works page and pony up some of your loose change from between your couch seat cushions to make me a successful Word Whore, Paragraph Prostitute, Story Strumpet, Chronicle Courtesan, or whatever you want to call me. But please do check me out. My words are now available for a cheap roll in the literary hay.
I finished my book of 18 short stories after just a bit over a year and a half of writing work. But I didn’t view it as work, because I enjoyed it immensely. I did hit a snag 2 weeks ago when I finished the last story. Then the daunting tasks of compiling the stories into one document, creating a table of contents with links, doing a final edit, and choosing a title stared me in the face. Ugh! I love the creative process and hate the tedious details. But I hunkered down and finished the work this weekend.
The tentative working title (subject to change based on my whims) is “Beyond Life: Tales of the Afterlife.” Here’s a brief tease about what each of the 18 stories is about.
The long-dreaded novella is finally released. I have teased it on this blog before with excerpts. Despite all the warnings and pleadings from my psychiatrist, adviser, priest, therapist, mentor, rabbi, psychologist, consultant, minister, counselor, guru, internet stalker(s), pastor, life coach, wife and kids, I decided to publish anyway. Why would they protest? If the title doesn’t tip you off, maybe the book cover will.
You can purchase here … https://tinyurl.com/BuyTwinBook. Just 3 bucks! If you are outside the USA, try your local Amazon site and search for “parasitic twin.” All you need is an Amazon account. You can download this digital novella to your phone, computer, tablet, or Wang word processor.
ALL proceeds will be donated to worthy candidates and causes in advance of the 2020 election. In other words, Democrats. You will be donating over 2 bucks (our royalty from Amazon after Jeff Bezos takes his cut) to excellent causes.
For more background on Ray & Gary Czyzylck, visit www.elect-ray.webnode.com. If you want, you can email Ray at email@example.com or follow him on Twitter @czylzyck.
WARNING: This novella promises to be unlike anything you have ever read. Keep medical supplies close by when you read it just in case your sides split from laughing too hard.
Buy this book. Ray and Gary are waiting patiently. Come on. Stop reading and order. There are no more jokes in this post. Order now.
Yesterday, I announced that a short story of mine had been accepted for publication. As a bonus, I found out that I get to supply a short bio and answer some questions. Of course, I plan to submit a totally ficticious biography describing me as a left-handed, free-thinking Methodist with a proclivity for public outbursts in pig Latin. Okay, so that last part is true. Oway ymay!
Here are the questions I have been asked to answer …
I signed my first writing contract this past weekend. I’m trying not to make too big of a deal out of it until I ink the movie deal. I’m sure that will be coming shortly after publication.
I’ve been writing this wildly uneven blog for 4+ years now to hone my writing skills. I have tried anything and everything that has crossed my suspect mind. Some things have worked. Others, not so much. I mean, really, cartoons about mites and mulch?
But all the practice must have worked because the short story I submitted for consideration was easy to write, and it was accepted for publication in an anthology of short stories. Take a look …
I started this blog 4 years ago to become a better writer. I got derailed as the Trump Train careened wildly into the White House, and this blog devolved to a series of angry screeds, questionable memes, and mildly-amusing (at best) cartoons. I continued that cathartic path for the benefit of my mental health, yet somehow I did hone my writing skills. I have a non-fiction book that is 2/3 done, but also badly in need of a rewrite. I will get to that as soon as I finish a book of short story fiction which is about 1/2 done and looking good. And who wouldn’t want a Best of Mite Be Funny coffee table book?
Fine. You can put your hands down. Anyway, my editor/cousin convinced me to submit a short story for publication consideration to someone she knew compiling a book. I had to write about a picture that the publisher had published previously in one of her art books. I chose this beauty.
I received this email from the publisher a couple days ago …