The Return of … Random Thoughts

I haven’t published a Random Thoughts post in years, and I acknowledge the public outcry, or lack thereof. One of those two. I am responding with a potentially triumphant return Random Thoughts post. So, let’s dive right into my alleged mind.


This current Applebee’s commercial makes me want to NEVER eat at an Applebee’s again.


Our governor has reinstated a mask mandate in the state of Illinois, and it is great. It saves me so much time, because with the mask on when I am out in public, I can get away with less frequent nose hair timmings.


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Guaranteed Super Bowl Winners

At the beginning of 2020, my home state of Illinois legalized online sports gambling. I thought nothing of that because within no time at all, there were no sports. Thanks, COVID. But then sports started to come back. I still thought nothing of it. I was too busy being poor, thanks again to COVID. But then my oldest son, who always has been a bad influence on me, suggested I start gambling on NFL football. I signed up.

Now here we are, wrapping up the NFL season tomorrow with the Super Bowl, and I will finish the season with winnings of right about $1400. I didn’t just bet football. I’ve also bet baseball, baseketball, hockey, soccer, tennis, golf, and mma, all to a lesser degree. It doesn’t matter what sport I bet. I’m a terrible bettor. A former Chicago Bear football player named Doug Buffone used to say, “Those who gamble live in shambles.” That’s me. I could bet on a coin flip 100 times and get it right maybe 10 times. So, how did I win $1400 in 5 months? Well, I may be terrible at betting, but I’m great at math. Here’s the system …

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Are You Ready for Some Football? My Wife is.

My wife likes American football. Her favorite team is our hometown Chicago Bears. Go Bears!

Chicago Bear

BTW, that’s not her. But she really wants the NFL to hold a season this year. The NBA and NHL have sort of figured out how to finish their truncated 2019-2020 seasons despite the COVID-19 coronavirus. Major League Baseball is still struggling with how to hold a season. My wife doesn’t care about those sports. She just wants the NFL season to go on as scheduled. It’s not that she’s such a football fanatic. It’s because of this beauty …

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Trump Takes

Donald Trump cares. He knows we don’t have as much time as he does to watch television and tweet about what he just saw on Fox and Friends. He is always trying to help us through Twitter. He just helped us again. He knows we may not be able to keep up with all the times he obstructed justice during interviews, press conferences, rallies, statements, and tweets. Just in case we forgot that he has obstructed justice, we are grateful that he dropped this tweet on us …

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Chicago Bears Considering Forfeit Option

The Chicago Bears management team at Halas Hall is considering options after opening the season at 0-3 and losing their starting quarterback Jay Cutler to injury. A source at Halas Hall indicates that Bears brass is considering whether or not forfeiting the rest of the season will result in a better record than if they continue to play the rest of their scheduled games. “The decision may come after the Oakland Raiders game,” the source explained. “I mean, if we can’t beat the Raiders, why play the rest of the schedule? If we forfeit, we only lose 2-0 according to NFL rules. That may be the best we can hope for this season. We can replay games from the ’85 season on the Jumbotron screens and still pack Soldier Field with drunken fans screaming about Da’ Bears. We can rest, get our guys healthy, take the first pick in the draft, and get ready for next season.” Fans surveyed overwhelmingly endorsed the plan and invariably launched into a discussion about Da’ Coach.