Chicago Bears Considering Forfeit Option

The Chicago Bears management team at Halas Hall is considering options after opening the season at 0-3 and losing their starting quarterback Jay Cutler to injury. A source at Halas Hall indicates that Bears brass is considering whether or not forfeiting the rest of the season will result in a better record than if they continue to play the rest of their scheduled games. “The decision may come after the Oakland Raiders game,” the source explained. “I mean, if we can’t beat the Raiders, why play the rest of the schedule? If we forfeit, we only lose 2-0 according to NFL rules. That may be the best we can hope for this season. We can replay games from the ’85 season on the Jumbotron screens and still pack Soldier Field with drunken fans screaming about Da’ Bears. We can rest, get our guys healthy, take the first pick in the draft, and get ready for next season.” Fans surveyed overwhelmingly endorsed the plan and invariably launched into a discussion about Da’ Coach.