Football Frenzy

My fantasy football season was a disaster this year. My excuse is that I was so distracted by the mid-term elections and the need to elect a Democratic Congress, that my early season effort and concentration suffered. Thanks Obama, for not running for a third term. But I have enjoyed the resurgence of the Chicago Bears as they won the NFC North this season.

chicago bears

I get all choked up about it as I type this as will Bears fans that read this.

Sportswriters Todd Pork Chop

Or maybe it was just a pork chop. I don’t know. I do know I never expected the Bears to be this good. To amuse myself during the football season in case the Bears have a bad team, I play other football games like Pick ‘Em games where you just try and pick the winners of each game each week. I normally do okay in those games, and I usually just hope to win a weekly prize. My dreams got a little bigger this last week of the football regular season. Take a look at these standings.

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NIU Turns Down Chicago Bears Trade Offer

Chicago Bears GM Ryan Pace has been busy churning the roster, trading veterans Jared Allen and Jon Bostic, while cutting Brock Vereen and signing some free agents to the roster. However, the biggest roster churn attempted by the Bears will not occur. Northern Illinois University has declined the Bears offer to trade rosters. “Our goal is to win the MAC (Mid-American Conference) and compete for the national title,” said NIU Athletic Director Sean Frazier. “I’m satisfied that the roster we have is the best one for us to reach those goals,” concluded Frazier.

Nobody from the Bears front office was available for comment as they were all reportedly scouting a Northwestern University practice.

Jared Allen Traded for 9th Round Draft Choice

The Jared Allen era as a Chicago Bear ended with a trade to the Carolina Panthers for a 9th round draft choice and a bag of new footballs. It was originally reported that Allen was traded for a 6th round draft choice, but apparently the paperwork was read upside down. When reminded that there are only 7 rounds in the NFL draft, Bears GM Ryan Pace was quick to comment, “I want to emphasize that the footballs are brand new.”

Chicago Bears Considering Forfeit Option

The Chicago Bears management team at Halas Hall is considering options after opening the season at 0-3 and losing their starting quarterback Jay Cutler to injury. A source at Halas Hall indicates that Bears brass is considering whether or not forfeiting the rest of the season will result in a better record than if they continue to play the rest of their scheduled games. “The decision may come after the Oakland Raiders game,” the source explained. “I mean, if we can’t beat the Raiders, why play the rest of the schedule? If we forfeit, we only lose 2-0 according to NFL rules. That may be the best we can hope for this season. We can replay games from the ’85 season on the Jumbotron screens and still pack Soldier Field with drunken fans screaming about Da’ Bears. We can rest, get our guys healthy, take the first pick in the draft, and get ready for next season.” Fans surveyed overwhelmingly endorsed the plan and invariably launched into a discussion about Da’ Coach.

Bears Make Extra Preparations for Seahawks

The Chicago Bears have their hands full this week with extra preparations prior to playing the Seattle Seahawks this weekend. Bears General Manager Ryan Pace explained, “Coach John Fox is very busy this week preparing a gameplan for our guys to execute against the Seahawks, but our front office is even busier this week. We know the Seahawks are an excellent team, and an angry team after losing to the Packers last Sunday to start the season 0-2. We expect to absorb a few deaths this weekend in the course of the game, so we have front office people busy making preparations to ship bodies back to Chicago. Of course, I am occupied combing the free agent list for potential replacements.” The Vegas over/under line for Chicago Bear deaths at the hands of the Seahawks is currently set at 2.5.