A Spiritual Triple-Header Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

We made it to church yesterday … late. Very late. But I considered it a success once I saw people coming in after us. Those heathens! Am I a bad guy?

After we got settled in church, my wife pointed out that there was to be not one, not two, but FIVE baptisms at the service yesterday. They take so long. I immediately wanted to leave. Am I a bad guy?

Finally, on our way out, I took a donut hole and my daughter took a whole donut, but I was too lazy/cheap to put a dollar in the jar. Am I a bad guy?


Easter Week Musings

I hope you all had an enjoyable weekend regardless of whether you may have been celebrating Easter, Passover, Ramadan, or just a Spring weekend. Here are some thoughts as I look back on my Easter week.

Our 13 year old daughter assisted at our church’s Palm Sunday service as an acolyte to kick-off Easter Week. She left the house in very ripped (shredded?) jeans, bare midriff top, and her brother’s old McDonald’s work shirt, currently seemingly one of her favorite shirts. Are we bad parents for not monitoring her attire? We didn’t think so. Normally, acolytes wear a robe. Well, not on Palm Sunday. She was a walking advertisement for a Big Mac up on the altar. Would you like fries with your faith? Maybe it was just a coincidence, but after Palm Sunday, our church sent an email with very clear dress code instructions for Good Friday services that our daughter was also assisting in.

And speaking of ripped jeans, my daughter wears them because she can. I wear ripped jeans because my jeans ripped a little bit.

I saw this video on Twitter over the Easter weekend.

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What Does God Look Like?

I had to write a letter to my 13 year old daughter yesterday for some Church thingy. In the letter, I mentioned that God is not some bearded old man in a flowing robe. Sounds like me on a Saturday morning after not shaving all week. But what if God is exactly that?

What if God is just like one of us?

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Church With Strings Attached

We tried another new church on Easter Sunday. We really liked it, except for the booming organ music that shook my dental fillings at times. Maybe we should sit in the back next time, if there is one. It was a church we had tried before, but decided not to visit again due to the service featuring … a puppet show. It wasn’t a creepy or scary puppet show.

puppet creepy.gif

But it was still a puppet show. However, we decided to try it again. And we liked it! I thought maybe we had found our new church home, until I spotted this in the church bulletin …

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I Prefer Church Without the Dips

We have been looking for a new church recently. I know that sounds odd since I am an ordained minister. I should just have my own church, right? But I barely have time to post this nonsense let alone tend to a flock of needy parishioners. I can hear them now. “I need salvation. I’m a sinner. I can’t tithe 25%.” Please. I have my own problems.

Anyway, the first couple churches we have tried have not thrilled us for various reasons. I liked the pastor at the last church, although it was distracting that she wore her hair over one eye during much of the service.

hair over eye

If you’re going to do that, I suggest she make a full commitment to the look …

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Feed My Soul & …

We didn’t make it to church yesterday. My wife and I have become disenchanted with the conservative turn our church has taken. At the service last week, the associate pastor was saying a prayer after that horrible mass shooting in a mosque in New Zealand. I wanted him to say something, anything about “our Muslim brothers and sisters.” I would have even settled for “our heathen Muslim brothers and sisters.” Just something to let everyone in the congregation know that we are all the same and connected, despite our different individual beliefs. I was so hopeful as I waited. Nope, just a generic “thoughts and prayers” to generic New Zealanders. Rather than heading to church yesterday, we discussed the situation and made the decision to change churches.

So we are heading across the river to a church that we have heard is more accepting to other religions, sexual preferences, and even used car salesmen. As I took a look at their Easter service schedule, I became a bit concerned.

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I’m hoping the sunrise service at the cemetery doesn’t mean they take the Easter story too seriously to the point of trying to recreate it. I don’t want to start Easter like this …

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I Ate Garbage Pie

Our church has what is called a bread ministry. They have a room full of baked goods like bread, cookies, pastries, bagels, etc. that are close to or past their expiration dates. Anyone is free to take what they want. Every once in a while like this past Sunday, they even put out foods to sit at room temperature that clearly require refrigeration. I would understand this more if ours was a church with a faith healing ministry. Get the parishioners sick on questionable food, and then heal them with a couple Immodium and a Pepto-Bismol chaser. But we don’t do that. Sure, we have the snake handling, but no faith healing. That would be weird. We just get sick.

My wife and I don’t typically take much from the bread ministry, but for whatever reason last Sunday, my wife came out of there with a couple bags of stuff. I never question free food. One item was an apple pie. Shortly after arriving home, I found the pie here …

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