Church With Strings Attached

We tried another new church on Easter Sunday. We really liked it, except for the booming organ music that shook my dental fillings at times. Maybe we should sit in the back next time, if there is one. It was a church we had tried before, but decided not to visit again due to the service featuring … a puppet show. It wasn’t a creepy or scary puppet show.

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But it was still a puppet show. However, we decided to try it again. And we liked it! I thought maybe we had found our new church home, until I spotted this in the church bulletin …

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I Prefer Church Without the Dips

We have been looking for a new church recently. I know that sounds odd since I am an ordained minister. I should just have my own church, right? But I barely have time to post this nonsense let alone tend to a flock of needy parishioners. I can hear them now. “I need salvation. I’m a sinner. I can’t tithe 25%.” Please. I have my own problems.

Anyway, the first couple churches we have tried have not thrilled us for various reasons. I liked the pastor at the last church, although it was distracting that she wore her hair over one eye during much of the service.

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If you’re going to do that, I suggest she make a full commitment to the look …

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Feed My Soul & …

We didn’t make it to church yesterday. My wife and I have become disenchanted with the conservative turn our church has taken. At the service last week, the associate pastor was saying a prayer after that horrible mass shooting in a mosque in New Zealand. I wanted him to say something, anything about “our Muslim brothers and sisters.” I would have even settled for “our heathen Muslim brothers and sisters.” Just something to let everyone in the congregation know that we are all the same and connected, despite our different individual beliefs. I was so hopeful as I waited. Nope, just a generic “thoughts and prayers” to generic New Zealanders. Rather than heading to church yesterday, we discussed the situation and made the decision to change churches.

So we are heading across the river to a church that we have heard is more accepting to other religions, sexual preferences, and even used car salesmen. As I took a look at their Easter service schedule, I became a bit concerned.

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I’m hoping the sunrise service at the cemetery doesn’t mean they take the Easter story too seriously to the point of trying to recreate it. I don’t want to start Easter like this …

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I Ate Garbage Pie

Our church has what is called a bread ministry. They have a room full of baked goods like bread, cookies, pastries, bagels, etc. that are close to or past their expiration dates. Anyone is free to take what they want. Every once in a while like this past Sunday, they even put out foods to sit at room temperature that clearly require refrigeration. I would understand this more if ours was a church with a faith healing ministry. Get the parishioners sick on questionable food, and then heal them with a couple Imodium and a Pepto-Bismol chaser. But we don’t do that. Sure, we have the snake handling, but no faith healing. That would be weird. We just get sick.

My wife and I don’t typically take much from the bread ministry, but for whatever reason last Sunday, my wife came out of there with a couple bags of stuff. I never question free food. One item was an apple pie. Shortly after arriving home, I found the pie here …

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