A Berry Good Time

It is that time of the year again — when I forgo buying food in stores and forage for food in the woods and occasionally late at night in dumpsters behind grocery stores. This morning I wasn’t in the woods but in an industrial business park that has some excellent mulberry trees on the perimeter of the parking lot. I’ve been scouting berry harvesting locations all spring. I came away with this haul of mulberries today …

mulberries

Q: How are mulberries and my jokes similar?

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Flies On Washington Walls #174 – Tulsa Time

FOWW #174a Tulsa

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Juneteenth

June 19th, known as Juneteenth, marks the anniversary of the official end of slavery in the USA in 1865. It only took a nationwide Civil War for Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation in 1863 to be enforced across the USA by 1865. I often joke that we should have let the Confederacy secede. I really don’t want anything to do with the Southern USA. But the Civil War freed people that were kept in bondage as property, so it was a noble and necessary fight. Here we are, 155 years later, and we still limit freedoms in the USA based upon the color of one’s skin.

I grew up in an all-white Chicago suburban neighborhood. I rarely saw black people except when watching Chicago Cubs baseball on WGN TV. I treasured an autograph from Mr. Cub, Ernie Banks, for decades. He was my first hero, and he was black. But in late 1965, 100 years after the first Juneteenth, Dr. Martin Luther King moved to Chicago. He was prominent in the local news for the rest of 1965 and all of 1966, leading peaceful equal rights marches through Chicago’s streets. I got a chance to see him in the summer of 1966.

I was 8 years old at the time. My father had passed away over the winter. It was just me and an overprotective, grieving mother in our family home. We were spending a day on the East Side of Chicago with extended family. How can Chicago have an East Side when it is built on the western shore of Lake Michigan? The East Side is down on the Indiana border where the land starts to curl east under Lake Michigan.

Southeast Side

 

It was a truly awful neighborhood built around now-defunct steel mills in which my maternal grandfather toiled until he died while in his 40s. I always knew when we were getting close to the East Side because I could smell it.

I was one of the younger cousins, and my older cousins who lived on the East Side decided to go see a King march in the area. I followed along just to be with my older, cool cousins. There was no way I could get lost. I was part of a huge throng of white people moving in one direction. I didn’t notice the rocks, bricks, and bottles in their hands until they started throwing them at marchers. I don’t know if my cousins threw anything. I don’t recall throwing anything. It didn’t seem right to me. But I stayed there and watched. That was wrong.

Now I am the father of 2 black young adults. I almost didn’t make it. My mother just about killed me when she heard I was at the march. Not because it was wrong to be there as part of an angry white mob, but because I could have gotten hurt.

My mother advised me and my wife against our first adoption, mainly because the child was black. We had to train my mother not to use racial slurs that she thought were endearing. But I will give her some credit. She loved all her grandchildren.

My mother is now gone, and her black grandchildren are adults that recently marched in a Black Lives Matter protest. The protest was eventually ended when tear gas cannisters were launched at marchers. Is it progress that it was the police lobbing projectiles at marchers? Is it progress that the projectiles were cannisters of tear gas and not glass bottles, bricks, or rocks? We should celebrate 155 years of Juneteenth, but also understand that we still have many years and a long way to go until all are fully free.

 

 

 

Are You Ready for Some Football? My Wife is.

My wife likes American football. Her favorite team is our hometown Chicago Bears. Go Bears!

Chicago Bear

BTW, that’s not her. But she really wants the NFL to hold a season this year. The NBA and NHL have sort of figured out how to finish their truncated 2019-2020 seasons despite the COVID-19 coronavirus. Major League Baseball is still struggling with how to hold a season. My wife doesn’t care about those sports. She just wants the NFL season to go on as scheduled. It’s not that she’s such a football fanatic. It’s because of this beauty …

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Unsocial Media

I was so excited when I received the notification that a couple comments were made in response to one of my older blog posts. My blog posts don’t elicit many comments. I don’t blame you readers. I make it a point not to comment on anyone’s blog who is so obviously mentally ill. But finally, I was getting the conversation started. The excitement lasted until I read the comment …

Blog Comment 1

So many questions filled my head:

  1. Did their auto-correct change “ray of sunshine” to “piece of shit?”
  2. Why is my name not capitalized and enclosed by quotation marks? Am I not Jim?
  3. Why did Kim end the comment so politely? Maybe because of #1 above?
  4. Is Kim a disgruntled male with weapons or a hot female who is stalking me? Uh, asking for a friend.

Of course, I’m no stranger to nasty comments as I regularly navigate the waters of Twitter while throwing out anti-Trump chum. At least this comment from Kim Nho didn’t include a wrestling challenge like this Twitter throwdown from Texas Senator Ted Cruz …

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Gimme a Brake

Hopefully, some reader will look at this post and be able to help out. After changing brake pads on a bike, is it normal to have this many leftover parts?

Bike Brake Hardware

Oh, almost forgot … I’m asking for a friend.

Hard Water

I retired our pool liner last year. It had gotten brittle over several seasons of use (I can relate) and had started springing leaks (I can also relate) that I was patching. I figured there would be no problem purchasing a replacement liner for a 4 year old pool. Boy, was I wrong (I relate too often).

Apparently, my old pool liner was a death trap because of only 1 filter intake line. That design was deemed unsafe for some reason, discontinued, and replaced with a dual filter intake line. So, I couldn’t get the replacement liner I needed. The simple solution seemed to be to just buy a complete new pool. Nope, that was also not an option.

Due to the COVID-19 coronavirus, pools are in short supply. And when I found one like my old $350 pool, they were priced over $1000. A discount grocery store near us advertised a reasonably-priced pool, and people were lined-up at 6AM waiting for the store to open at 9AM to get a pool. Back to the replacement liner option for me.

By studying replacement part lists for the various styles of pools from the manufacturer, I decided that by enlarging holes using the precision of a brain surgeon (I cannot relate) and slapping a patch on another hole, I could make a current model pool liner fit the hardware from our old pool and make the filter system a death trap again. Except … pool liners are in short supply. I calculated that by adding cable ties and duct tape, I may be able to make a random liner from another model of pool fit the hardware from our old pool. That was a sketchy plan at best, especially when I accidentally ordered a 15 foot liner rather than the 16 footer that I needed.

I could sense something was wrong as I was assembling the pool. It didn’t seem quite right (I can relate). I got to almost the end, there were leftover parts, and the pool hardware wouldn’t fit. I cut down and drilled one of the metal parts, and voilà …

Pool 15 foot

Not only do I have a 15 foot pool, but it seems sturdier than the original 16 footer. As a bonus, I did not have to use duct tape and now have a couple spare metal parts.

It looked great. I was ready to enjoy it and get some exercise. Only 352 laps to a mile! But then, the weather got chilly. Oh, and I got cancer. I’ll explain … about the cancer part. You should be able to figure out the chilly weather part yourself.

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New Music for Old Rockers – Michael McDermott channeling Billy Joel

Maybe you like that old Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” I’m not a huge fan since it didn’t really say anything. It was just a song with a list of headlines from his life as lyrics. Still, it was a huge hit, and it was clever how he wove all the people and events into the lyrics.

I get a similar vibe from this new Michael McDermott song, except McDermott definitely has something to say. What’s that? Who is Michael McDermott? He’s a Chicago guy making music with an Irish-tinged sound. He’s not my favorite musical artist, but how can a Flanigan not like a McDermott from Chicago.

There’s no doubt on which side of the political landscape that McDermott has chosen to stand. Take a listen …

Despite only being released 3 weeks ago, I hate to admit the lyrics are already a bit dated. McDermott sings, “Dark days coming for the USA.” Sorry, Michael, they are already here.

This video is only averaging 1000 views a week. Please share it. It’s a cautionary tale worth a listen and watch by many more people.

 

A Powellful Endorsement

Just recently, retired General Colin Powell endorsed Joe Biden for President. Yes, the same Colin Powell who served as NSA under Reagan. Yes, the same Colin Powell who served as Commander of the Joint Chiefs of Staff under Bush 1 and Clinton. Yes, the same Colin Powell who served as Secretary of State under Bush 2. Still don’t believe me? See for yourself …

jaw drop

Definitely a shocker and also a great opportunity for some excellent Biden campaign slogans tied to Powell’s endorsement. It all hinges on the fact that Powell pronounces his first name like one says the word colon. That leads me to these slogans for the Biden camp to consider.

#1) Listen to your head, heart, and Colin – Vote Biden 2020. Huh? What do you think? No? Oh, don’t worry. I have more.

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Mulch Ado About Nothing #8

As I opened the back of my car to load some groceries, I realized just how bad this looks.

Tarp car

I swear, I am not planning to dump a body in a shallow grave. I would definitely dig a deep grave. I really am only planning to get mulch later this morning. I have no plans to use the bone saw in my basement to cut the body up that I would have stored in my freezer if there was a body. Really, I haven’t even chosen a victim yet. You could say that this is mulch ado about nothing, which is a great segue to a Mulch Ado About Nothing cartoon about death …

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A Ticklish Problem

I went this week for a semi-annual full body check by my dermatologist. I have some history of skin cancer, so I can usually count on my dermatologist to take a few bits and pieces of me every visit. I was not disappointed this time.

As I sat in the waiting room before my appointment, I was taking a mental inventory of all the suspicious spots on my body that I wanted my dermatologist to take a look at. Temple, chin, chest, back, and left leg all harbored spots I didn’t like. And then I saw an unknown spot on my right leg. I was genuinely startled. That one looked nasty. How could I have missed it before? It looked something like this. In fact, it looked exactly like this because this was it …

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Flies On Washington Walls #172 – Special Multi-Panel Bunker Edition

FOWW #172a Bunker

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Do They Give Liquor Loans?

I’m old enough to recall events back in the day featuring quarter beers. Yep, I remember quarter beer nights where you would get a blast of beer in a small paper cup for 25 cents. But am I so old that a bottle of cognac costs $145,000 these days? This bottle in particular …

Cognac-1762_1-920x609

C’mon, I can’t even read the label. It’s a 1762 Gautier Cognac that went for that much at auction. Full story HERE.

So, if a 250+ year old cognac sells for that much, how about a beverage 8 times as old? Specifically, this one …

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Short (on quality) Story

I hope to publish another book this summer. No, not a sequel to My Parasitic Twin Wants to be President. You wish! This will be a collection of short stories on a common theme.

I send my stories to my cousin who also happens to be a professional editor. She seems to take great delight in finding and editing my mistakes, and then typically provides some words of encouragement like “this one should definitely be in your book.” She is my mentor. I am her … mentee? manatee? mental?

I’m down to my next-to-last story, and this one didn’t go as I had hoped. I received no edit. I received no encouragement. I did not pass GO or collect $200. Instead, over the course of several emails, my cousin/editor described the story as:

  • Not engaging
  • Boring
  • Preachy
  • Saccharine
  • Unlikable
  • Opposite of uplifting (would that be downlowering?)

Gee, I hope she wasn’t holding back so as not to hurt my feelings. Her guidance and edits have made me a better writer. I absolutely value her opinion. But so far, two other test-readers have liked the story. Hopefully, I will get more feedback from other test-readers this weekend.

Maybe my cousin/editor was too busy with editing projects. Maybe she didn’t even read the 4,000 word story. Maybe she just glanced at this blog to get a general idea about where my writing is today. If that’s the case, I heartily agree with her assessment.