The Weight Wait

Love the song …

Hate the actual weight …

Simpson fat

But there it is, around my midsection after every winter. I even set a new record high for winter weight this year. Yay? I rely on a warm Spring to melt those pounds away, but we didn’t have one this year. It was cold and wet. And so I waited as I jiggled through April and May.

But then, last weekend happened.

It got warm. In 2 days last weekend, I lost 7 pounds. For those of you who use the metric system (Like the whole freakin’ world. Really, what’s wrong with the USA? Don’t answer that), I think that equals 22 hectares.

Oh sure, there are some of you who will say that was 7 pounds of water weight. I REALLY DON’T CARE. It could be 7 pounds of back hair weight for all I care, which does give me another idea for losing weight. I wonder if my wife will mind me borrowing her razor. Heck, I’ve resorted to blowing my nose before stepping on the scale. I hold in my farts before stepping on the scale because we all know that hot air rises and makes us lighter. I’ve cleaned the earwax from my ears.


All I know and care about is that I finished the weekend 7 pounds lighter. And then it got cool again during last week and some of the weight came back.

Now here I am, starting what promises to only be a semi-warm weekend, but lighter than I started last weekend. Maybe I can ramp-up my activity level. Doubtful. Maybe I can hold in my farts when I weigh myself at the end of the weekend. Also, doubtful. Just ask my family.

fart balloon

There’s always the quick weight loss method through loss of limb. Hmmm, how do I feel about the nickname Lefty? Maybe I’ll just cut my toenails. I mean, it is Spring and I am ready to break out my summer flip flops.

toenails long

I’ve got to do something to lose weight fast. We go on vacation at the end of this next week. I’ve got to have a beach bod by then. I want to look good in my new speedo when I’m doing my Zumba workout on the beach.

dancing fat guy.gif

Hate the fat, but love that guy. Keep on dancing, pal. I’ll be right next to you after I lose a few more pounds/hectares.