Math is Supposed to be More Precise Than This

I was a math major for 2 & 1/2 years in college until we started learning about number systems that don’t really exist except in theory. The voices in my head that don’t really exist except in my head seemed eager to try those theoretical number systems. That was a red flag for me. I immediately switched to a business major and doomed myself and career to selling products made with quality that only existed in theory.

However, what has stuck with me for lo these many years since college is the beautiful precision of mathematics and the gum from my dorm room floor. So I was appalled this holiday season when I took a look at this bottle of sparkling water we were serving …


At first glance, it appears to be a normal, unsweetened sparkling water. But upon further review, it is nothing short of a mathematical abomination. Just take a look at the back …


C’mon along and do the math with me.

  • 3 servings per container with 10 calories for the container.
  • 10 divided by 3 = 3 & 1/3 calories per serving.
  • What do they show? 0 calories per serving.

That certainly fits with their “No Calories” alternative math claim from their front label. Oh wait, there is an asterisk after the “No Calories.” I am sure that is where they come clean and disclose that they were just fooling and that there are actually calories in each serving of the sparkling water. Let’s take a look …


Right back to faulty math. You’ll note in the middle pic that they do the same with the 5 mg of sodium that exist in the container, which is not shown when it comes to individual servings. This is thoroughly distasteful to my math sensibilities, but it gets even more distasteful when I start to imagine why there are calories in sparkling water. My imagination lurches and retches at the thought of where those calories may come from in water. It is certainly not from the sparkle.


5 thoughts on “Math is Supposed to be More Precise Than This

  1. Some deceptive marketing here Jim. No wonder I’ve gone up two belt sizes this Christmas. What with the obesity epidemic governments (particularly the US) are going to start cracking down on this s*&^. Oh, I forgot, there are good lobbies aren’t there…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh no, it sounds like you are losing the War on Christmas Fat. Hang in there. I’m battling, too. As for the lobbies, try the Trump Tower lobby. It’s the biggest, best, most opulent, greatest …
    Happy New Year.


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