Salvation Army Declines NRA’s Offer

The NRA Foundation, the charitable arm of the National Rifle Association, has been rebuffed in it’s attempts to assist the Salvation Army in increasing donations by arming each Salvation Army bell ringer with the newly developed gunell.

An NRA Foundation spokesperson explained: “Although claiming to be an army, we felt the Salvation Army was not properly equipped to do battle against poverty. Our studies have shown that replacing the traditional bell with a gunell is very effective in not only increasing donations, but also protecting the bell ringers and their Second Amendment constitutional rights.”

Gunell
The NRA’a gunell, combination handgun and handbell.

While the Salvation Army was reached for comment, there was nobody available who could speak without throwing up at the mention of the gunell.

 

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