With a new moon last night, it was prime viewing for the Perseid Meteor Shower, so I tuned in for almost an hour.
- Q: Why was the moon embarrassed?
- A: It saw the meteor shower.
I have decided not to copyright the above joke, so feel free to use it, especially during Perseid Meteor Shower season. I can assure you that astronomy-related jokes are a huge hit around the water cooler. Don’t get me started on Uranus jokes. Please understand that this does NOT give you written or implied permission to use any of my other six copyright-protected jokes, although I suspect that US copyright laws are flaunted daily on school playgrounds across this country since three of my so-called “copyright-protected” jokes are booger-related. Presidential candidates … talk to me more about copyright protection than immigration and you will get my vote.
Where was I? Ah yes, the new moon. So apparently a new moon means no moon. I wonder why we don’t just say no moon rather than new moon. It would save us a letter. Think of all the ink we would save! And with recent news of regional shortages of the letter w, we could really help save our alphabet by calling it a no moon. Can e agree to do that? See hat I mean? e must act no .
So as I lay back under the stars, I tried to find the constellation Perseus, which is the general area where most of the meteor shower is said to occur. I looked for a Greek mythological hero that looks like this …
Really? Some hero. They configured Perseus as a stick figure with no arms in the night sky. Maybe he didn’t have arms? I did some research and found that the 1981 film Clash of the Titans and it’s 2010 remake were about the legend of Perseus. I didn’t see the 2010 remake (thank God, only 28% per rottentomatoes.com), but I did see the 1981 version and don’t recall the main character stopping to tie his sandals at any time during the movie. Since it is almost a two hour movie, the assumption can safely be made that Perseus would have had to stop to tie his sandals at some point during the two hours. I’m pretty sure if he tied his sandals without having arms, I would definitely remember that, and it would certainly make the movie longer than two hours. Using deductive reasoning, I can logically conclude that Perseus had arms. Come on, just pick two more stars and draw lines to them. It’s not like stars are w’s. There’s plenty of them.
After much searching for an armless hero, I just couldn’t find Perseus in the night sky. The longer I gazed at the sky, the stronger the constellation Geico appeared to me as an insurance salesman trying to sell me a whole life policy with a long term care rider when I only wanted term. Yet even without finding Perseus, I did see meteors! They appeared as streaks across the sky, some big and some small. I kept waiting for the meteor money shot, where the meteor comes screaming through the sky as a giant fireball and lands in my backyard. Then next spring, my wife would get tired of waiting for me to move it out of the yard and she would put a big planter on top of it with geraniums and a nice trailing ivy to cover the exposed meteor. That never happened, and as dew was starting to condense on me, I decided it was time to go inside, but not before I was struck with awe, and the ladder hanging in the garage that I didn’t see.
Our planet Earth is flying through space where all this space debris is left by a comet. We are flying through junk and watching it burn up in space as it enters our atmosphere. That’s a pretty cool concept, and that is when my million dollar idea hit me. We have a landfill issue here on earth, and quite frankly that ocean dumping is not working as well as expected. Who knew used hypodermic needles would float? So why not jettison our trash into space? With every rocket launched, we can tether several mega-dumpsters to the back of the rocket, like tin cans clanging behind a bride and groom’s wedding car. Then if Earth’s orbit ever takes us through all this space junk previously jettisoned, we can see one fine show as the trash burns up re-entering our atmosphere. Great idea, right? Don’t even think of stealing it. The original artwork below is already at the US Patent office. I am happy to stamp this idea … Patent Pending!