Mite Be Funny #154 – Special Senate Republican Impeachment Witness Edition
Tag: funny
Brace Yourself for my Flip-Flop
I have 5 kids and consider myself fortunate that I have only paid for braces for 1 of the kids so far. My youngest son probably needed braces, but never got them. He was born with too many teeth in his mouth and had to have several extracted including the one growing from the roof of his mouth. Something like this, but only one extra tooth in the roof of his mouth, not a whole second set of choppers. Yikes!
Geez, you could go broke just buying toothpaste for that mouth, but you might be able to chew your food twice as fast. Anyway, my son never got braces for several reasons:
- I am cheap.
- He was playing sports that required mouthguards.
- He didn’t want them.
- I am cheap.
Now my wife tells me our youngest daughter who is 11 needs braces. I immediately began spewing reasons why she didn’t need them. And then I did a complete 180 degree flip-flop after I heard this …
I stumbled across this article on Twitter.
It leads me to a troubling moral dilemma. Should we stay silent and allow the QAnon morons to seriously hurt or even kill themselves, thus making the world a better place? Or do we save the lives of the QAnon pond scum by telling them not to drink bleach? If we choose the latter, they won’t believe us, and that may cause them to drink even more bleach.
I think my decision is made. What article?
Mite Be Funny #153 – Dating Part 1 Multi-Panel Edition
New poll shows 63% of Americans would find Lindsey Graham more credible and trustworthy if he went by his legal first name of Rocco rather than his middle name, Lindsey. What’s Rocco hiding?
A Questionable Record
No, the title of this post does not refer to the Trump Administration. If it did, the title would be “A Criminal Record.” This post is about clearing out some of my old records with a focus on my religious albums. Although a “criminal record” definitely would apply to Trump campaign ally George Nader who we saw earlier this month pleading guilty to more child porn charges.
Maybe, Greg. Wasn’t one stretch in a Czech prison on child porn charges enough for Nader? Who knows how many in the Trump administration would approve? How about these guys?
My Brain May Be Melting
We don’t subscribe to movie channels with our cable subscription. Every once in a while when the stars align properly, we get free HBO for a few days. I record a bunch of movies, and we watch some of them until the next time we get free HBO. It’s a perfect system, except so many of the movies suck. I use the Rotten Tomatoes website to sort the viewable from the unwatchable.
I recorded Rock the Kasbah from 2015 starring Bill Murray because, well, I love Bill Murray and most everything he has ever done. I didn’t see the movie when it was released, because I heard it was terrible. And this did not look at all promising per Rotten Tomatoes …
Mite Be Funny #152 – Women’s March Edition
Plunging into a War on Toilets
This past week was historic. We went to the brink of war with Iran. The Senate impeachment trial of Donald Trump began. Documents and testimony became public showing how agents of Donald Trump conspired to remove and possibly harm former Ukraine Ambassador Marie Yovanovitch. But at Trump’s latest rally in Milwaukee, what did he identify as a danger to the USA? That’s right, household appliances. Toilets, sinks, showers, dishwashers, light bulbs, and even refrigerators. Here’s a transcript of that part of his speech or rant or dementia-addled diatribe attacking the appliances. The bolding is from me at crucial parts.
My Search for an Alternate Reality
The past few days have been horribly dingy, dark, cold winter days with occasional precipitation thrown in. For someone like me with seasonal depression, those days are hard to handle. I need an alternate reality with sunshine and warmth. I guess that’s called going on a vacation holiday. But my wife is working and my youngest daughter is in school. I could go to St. Louis again on business. Ugh, no. What am I thinking? I can’t find any good concerts playing there until February.
So here I sat, shivering in the dark. The TV show Stranger Things offered the upside-down world as an alternate reality.
Okay, so that doesn’t look too good.
The Man in the High Castle TV show offered numerous alternate realities as part of the multiverse.
Emasculation Conversation
I feel so emasculated, but any emasculating done was self-emasculation. I love football, but had ZERO interest in watching the college football National Championship game on Monday night. I rated these 4 TV events as “must see,” well above the college football game.
1) Jeopardy Greatest of all Time finale. I was rooting for James since he is from the Chicago suburbs, but all props to Ken as Jeopardy GOAT. I felt sorry for badly overmatched Brad until hearing he is a multi-millionaire thanks to Jeopardy. Boo-hoo. And he won another $250K for being bad. Geesch.
2) Tonight’s Rachel Maddow interview with indicted Trump associate Lev Parnas. I expect a lot of “no comments” from Lev’s attorney, but I hope Rachel elicits a juicy tidbit or two.
3) Last night’s Rachel Maddow dissection of the Lev Parnas document drop showing just how mobbed-up the Trump crime family is.
4) The Democratic debate. I thought they all did well and nobody did terrible. Yawn. They are all so much better than Trump. Sounds like a new blog post on Winnowing the Candidates is overdue.
And then, the LSU-Clemson (I hope I got the teams right) game checks in. Oh, I forgot that Seinfeld rerun I watched. And Trump and Melanoma wearing a raincoat were at the indoor football game. Football just got bumped from my Top 5.
Flies On Washington Walls #162 – National Championship Football Game Multi-Panel Edition (aka Melania’s Raincoat Edition)
There’s more. Click through to keep reading.
Mite Be Funny #151 – Special Multi-Panel Afterlife Edition
War with Iran has weighed heavy on my mind this past week. I think I have figured out how this Iran mess transpired. Here’s my recreation of possible actual, imaginary conversations.
January 2
Advisor: Happy New Year, President Trump. Impeachment chatter will start again soon.
Trump: We need a distraction. What’s the craziest thing I can do in response to pro-Iranian militants storming our embassy in Iraq?
Advisor: Well, the military’s most extreme option, which they only submitted to make the other options look more attractive, is to assasinate Iran’s #2 in command.
Trump: Hmmm, taking out the Iranian Pence. Sounds good. Let’s do that.
Advisor: But, Mr. President …
Trump: My gut tells me that’s right and that I need a Big Mac. It’s go time on both.
January 8
Advisor: Missiles launched by Iran have landed at 2 of our air bases in Iraq.
Trump: Hmmm, Iranians must like their Pence more than America likes ours. More importantly, how do the polls look?
Advisor: Republicans and Democrats polled are united in their opposition to war with Iran.
Trump: Hmmm, let’s take a look at that sanctions thingy.
Goodbye USA, Hello Talossa
I was in a fit of pique Tuesday night over Trump’s potential war with Iran. I felt like that was the last straw. I was done with the USA. Sure, I will be on the ballot in Spring of 2020 as a candidate for Democratic Precinct Committeperson. But do I really want to live in a country that would elect me for any position?
First things first though. I needed to get my middle daughter up to Milwaukee for some dance thing in preparation for her dancing in Milwaukee over the summer. Yes, she’s majoring in dance in college. That’s the good news. The bad news is that she’s returning to college for a fifth year so she can also major in history. I’m not sure if she plans to be a dancing historian or a historical dancer.
After dumping my daughter off in downtown Milwaukee, my first sightseeing stop was the Arthur Fonzarelli statue. Who, you ask? That would be Fonzie from the old Happy Days television show, as portrayed by actor Henry Winkler. I’d love to show the selfie I took with The Fonz, but I couldn’t find the statue. In fairness, I didn’t look hard and didn’t leave the car. So as not to disappoint this blog’s readers (as if I could disappoint you even more than normal), here’s a pic I found on the internet.
Looks fun … until you get close. Take a look.
Flies On Washington Walls #161
Mite Be Funny #150
If someone loses the weight they gained over the holidays, does that really count as losing weight? Asking for a friend.
Mulch Ado About Nothing #7
Oh, no. Of all the blog posts I could post after a slow blogging week, I choose to post a cartoon about mulch. And a multi-panel one at that? How can there be that much to say about mulch? Well, without further ado, here’s yet another mulch cartoon.
The Day the Ornament Died
It’s New Year’s Day. Happy New Year to you. It turns out that my wife is allergic to the Christmas tree that has been up in our house for 3 weeks now. Nothing too serious. Just her throat closing up when she’s in the same room with it. But we entertained company on 5 different occasions over the holidays including last night, so up the tree stayed. Until today.
The tree is coming down today and heading out for chipping and mulching. No longer do we live in the neighborhood where we attach trees to old toilets and dump them in the neighborhhood lake for the fish to use as breeding grounds. That’s a blog post for another day. Nope. Out to the curb with it, maybe with an ornament left on it.
Having 5 kids, our tree features a lot of homemade or kid-centric ornaments. I’m guessing a child may have made this one …
Heck, there are even ornaments that I painted many years ago on the tree …
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 