Mite Be Funny #223 – Hit The Beach!
Tag: comedy
Shirts Off, Chicago!
Summer has arrived early in Chicago with temps around 90F/32C this weekend. And you know what that means – shirtless driving! Come on, it’s easy. First step, take off that shirt.
And then jump in your car and start driving or riding.
Flags are totally optional.
Ladies are welcome to participate, too. Just stay legal …
Continue reading “Shirts Off, Chicago!”Swallow or Spit?
I judge people by whether or not they will eat a piece of old food that was stuck in their teeth after it becomes dislodged. If so, welcome, friend. We can both expatiate about the wonders of bonus food.
If not, elitist.
Lollapalooza Coolness Test
Lollapalooza returns to Chicago in 2021 after being Covid-cancelled in 2020. The line-up for the 3 day music festival has been released. I heard on my transistor radio that you can tell how cool you are by how many rows down the Lolla poster you can recognize acts.
Editor’s Note: The mere fact that this idiot is listening to a transistor radio negates any potential coolness gained by knowing music performers.
Hey, you pompous ass, what am I supposed to do? I suppose you want me to listen to the radio on my phone.
Editor’s Note: YES!
On my new flip phone?
Editor’s Note: Ugh, never mind.
As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, the word I hear is that you can consider yourself moderately musically cool if you are familiar with music acts in at least the top 7 rows of the Lolla poster. Let’s take a closer look at those first 7 rows. I have identified the acts I know with red boxes around them.
Continue reading “Lollapalooza Coolness Test”Mite Be Funny #222 – Skin Cancer Awareness Month Public Service Announcement
Unable to Mask my Confusion
I spotted this article.
Let me try and get this straight.
- The anti-maskers refused to wear a mask because the lack of fresh air would kill them.
- Then, the anti-maskers also became anti-vaxxers once the life-saving vaccines became available.
- Now, the anti-vaxxers are becoming pro-maskers so the vaccinated (like me) don’t “shed” the vaccine onto them, which is impossible but not as wacky as most of their conspiracy theories.
- The result is that anti-vaxxers now at least have a modicum of protection from the killer pandemic because of becoming pro-maskers.
- But have they forgotten about the lack of fresh air killing them if they wear a mask?
These people make my head hurt. We all need to get vaccinated. But if you don’t, wear a mask and feel free to social distance far from me so I don’t “shed” on you.
Editor’s Note: Jim does suffer from occasional seasonal dandruff and may literally shed on you. Distance yourself appropriately.
Sad Book Promotion
Hey Senator Josh Hawley, why the long face?
Oh, right, your normal face is unusually long. But you also look a bit sad. Ah, I see, you’ve been forced to resort to sending out this email about your new book.
Continue reading “Sad Book Promotion”Plant News
All Customers Welcome, Regardless of Beliefs
My real profession is in medical equipment sales. I import some large medical imaging equipment for sale in the US, and I sell some therapeutic massage equipment for respiratory therapy and physiotherapy to all parts of the world. I added a new customer the other day for the massage equipment. We sent a massage machine here to this organization in South Dakota …
That sounds lovely, but what do they actually do? This is the explanation given at https://lovegrowsgaia.com/.
“Love Grows Gaia is a group of families and individuals who follow universal laws and have traveled with each other or alone to activate Sovereignty throughout the land. Each individual who removes themselves from the systems are in need of transmutations into abundance through a process. It takes “time” to awaken to the deep state and then separate yourself from it.“
Got it. They’re a commune, and they want to be left alone. But why? What do they stand for?
“Our purpose is to remain in service to the Hueman collective consciousness awakening and the ascension of Sophia Gaia Tarra aka “earth” activating Rods of illumination here to remind all we are only responsible for our own Source Chords and actions. Consent is absolute and with out it nothing can stay stable in a false reality construct. “
I rescind my question. I can’t argue with that, because I can’t understand that. But I did understand this from their website …
Continue reading “All Customers Welcome, Regardless of Beliefs”Mite Be Funny #221 – Happy Mother’s Day
Forgotten One-Hit Wonders – Twofer Edition (not applicable in Australia)
Well, that’s a confusing title. Our first “Forgotten One-Hit Wonders” post was greeted with such indifference that I decided that maybe a twofer edition would garner twice as many readers. Except, how can there be a twofer edition when the very definition of a one-hit wonder means there was only one hit? And why is this post not applicable in Australia? Have I whipped you into a questioning frenzy yet? Are you foaming at the mouth and falling over backwards with excitement?
Exactly! Well, allow me to first resolve the “not applicable in Australia” issue. In the USA, this band was a one-hit wonder. In Australia, these guys were HUGE with numerous hits. But who are they?
Weight, Hair, & Election Losses
I normally like to wait a day or two after the end of the month to announce my weight loss for the month. I check my weight for several days in a row before and after the last day of the month to verify that I actually did lose weight that month. But here we are a week into May, and I’m still not sure. My weight bounced around like a ping pong ball at a college fraternity beer pong tournament. Up several pounds one day and down a pound the next. A week into May, and about the only statement I am comfortable making is that I didn’t lose any weight. I’m still staring at losing 10 pounds by the end of warm weather in the fall.
My weight loss plan was at a serious disadvantage in April with Easter coming early in the month. My plan to deal with all the chocolate in the house at Easter was to eat it all as quickly as possible. Success!
Easter was quickly followed two days later by the local election that I lost but still won. Yes, third runner-up was enough to be elected. I felt like a kid at a rec league soccer tournament where everyone gets a trophy. But I think it’s official now that this came in the mail …
Continue reading “Weight, Hair, & Election Losses”Mite Be Funny #220
The Price Was Right!
After working in sales & marketing for 3 decades, I knew I had to follow my instincts. The $0.99 price was wrong. I just knew it. I could smell it. Sure, I had been making money at that price. Royalties for my book of short stories had been rolling in for 3 months in a row. Take a look at the royalty notifications in my email.
It’s been nice, but not enough to support the cost of my habit of taking soothing foot baths in baby’s tears, especially with COVID driving up the costs.
I knew I had to run a sale. My nostrils flared at the thought of a sale, and I could feel my heart pounding and working harder. Maybe that was from my high cholesterol, but regardless, I just knew it was the right time for a sale. And so, I dropped the price over last weekend … down to $0.00. Okay, maybe that was a bit extreme, but take a look at the results.
Continue reading “The Price Was Right!”The Importance of Being Ernst
This picture featuring ultra-conservative Republican (redundant) Iowa Senator Joni Ernst has been floating around social media.
I was disappointed to read that her poster was photoshopped. It’s so hard to tell these days. This is what the actual poster showed.
Continue reading “The Importance of Being Ernst”Forgotten One-Hit Wonders – Inaugural Edition
I warned you. I’m starting a new series of musical posts despite the undeniable lack of popularity of my music-themed blog posts. So, why am I doing it? Because I want to. As with all my posts, I will try and make them interesting with little twists and tidbits for you, like in my last music post where I revealed that my oldest daughter had been the nanny for the children of Ted Nugent’s private pilot. Now that’s information you just can’t Google!
This series of posts will feature forgotten one-hit wonders. I will try and stay away from wacky novelty songs like “Disco Duck” by radio deejay Rick Dees. I want to remember legit bands or solo artists that did their best to break through, but only had one single, solitary hit before retreating into musical obscurity.
Our inaugural edition features a very talented band that has spawned a modern day music mystery. The band released their debut album in 1976 and found themselves with a hit single on their hands that reached #9 on the US Billboard Hot 100 in 1977. I’ve got a video for you of their lip-syncing performance of their one hit on The Midnight Special. Even better, they were introduced by none other than the lovely and talented Helen Reddy! Take a look and listen.
Continue reading “Forgotten One-Hit Wonders – Inaugural Edition”New Music For Old Rockers – Michigan Edition
At one time, Michigan was known for the Motown sound and building cars in the Motor City of Detroit. These days, Michigan may be more well known for its beaches. I can attest to the fact that Michigan has amazing beaches with giant sand dunes and beautiful waters. You may be thinking, “Really? A state stuck in the middle of North America has great beaches?” Yep, thanks to the Great Lakes. Michigan’s southern border is nothing special with Ohio & Indiana on the other side. Build the Wall! But head west, and you run into Lake Michigan where the sunsets are amazing. To the north lies Lake Superior and its cool, clear waters. And to the east is a bit of Lake Erie and a whole lot of Lake Huron. There are water and beaches everywhere in Michigan.
So, why am I about to plug a couple songs from an L.A. band for a Michigan music post? Well, the band is Lord Huron, and it was started by Ben Schneider who grew up in Michigan, spending his summers at Lake Huron. After moving to L.A., he formed Lord Huron, which I believe he named after English poet Lord Byron. Anyway, they’ve got a 4th album coming soon, and if the first two songs they have released are anything like the rest of the album, it may be their best yet.
But before I get to Lord Huron’s music, here are two obscure connections to Michigan music that my oldest daughter has …
Continue reading “New Music For Old Rockers – Michigan Edition”Mite Be Funny #219
Pssst, down here. Wanna buy Jim’s book? Well, you can’t through Monday. He’s giving downloads away for FREE at www.bit.ly/beyondtales. Through Monday only! Get yours now. Then read, enjoy, and leave a rating and/or review on Amazon.
FREE Book!
I had planned to shamelessly and incessantly plug my book of humorous and contemplative short stories about the afterlife from the beginning of the year until now. However, I got derailed with this local election race which I surprisingly won. To get back on the promotional track, I’ve decided to make my book available to you, the loyal followers of this blog, for FREE through Monday. Just link to www.bit.ly/beyondtales to download my book for FREE for your reading enjoyment on your Kindle or Kindle app.
There really are no strings attached. Just download. I hope you enjoy it, and I would be most appreciative if you leave a rating or review on Amazon. Read on!
Spontaneous Spontaneity
I love being spontaneous. Just this morning, I had errands planned. In this order, I would:
- Buy some gas
- Make a deposit at the bank
- Go to the Post Office and buy stamps
So boring, right? And then, at the very last second, I made a right turn, eschewing the gas station for a spontaneous change of plans. Instead of that boring list of tasks, I drove off to do this:
Continue reading “Spontaneous Spontaneity”
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 