Category: donald trump

How To Lose Credibility With Me

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

I had one very interesting day last week. I braved the alleged most dangerous city in the USA per Fox News, Trump, MAGA, and assorted other clowns to attend a trade show in Chicago. Yes, the same Chicago that recently hosted Lollapalooza with 110,000 people per day packed into Grant Park with ZERO casualties over the 4 festival days. No shootings. No overdoses. No heat-related deaths, and it was hot. The crowd for Chappell Roan was massive.

I wouldn’t be caught dead in a crowd like that, but nobody else was either, because Chicago is safe and a great place to visit or live. I felt safe visiting the trade show as well as a store named Woolly Mammoth where I attempted to sell my human skull.

No, not my own personal skull which I’m still using at times, but a skull I inherited from a former boss when he passed away. I liked it for a while, but then it started making me sad thinking about its original owner. The proprietor of Woolly Mammoth and I talked human skulls for a while, but we were unable to agree on a price. He wasn’t the one that lost credibility with me. He was quite credible and obviously knew his skulls. It was the guy who took my blood at the stop I made just before Woolly Mammoth.

Continue reading “How To Lose Credibility With Me” →

I’m Not Swimming in that Pool

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

Well, I tried. I wanted to use the “fun” pool this weekend with the water slides. But nooooo, this gang of ducks bullied me out of that pool, and I was forced to head dejectedly to the lap pool.

I normally don’t mind laps, but my tongue gets tired quickly.

I wanted to end this really dumb post semi-cleverly for a change. I am not one to use profanities much, but I really wanted to say, “F***in’ ducks!” So, I thought I’d get cute and swap the consonants at the beginning of the words, like how you would end up with Tuckin’ Frump. No profanity, but everyone gets the idea. Well, I wound up with Duckin’ F***s. That didn’t work. I dialed back the profanity to D**n Ducks, switched the consonants, and still got D**n Ducks. Maybe I should stick with what works.

Tuckin’ Frump!

Bridge Over Trumpled Waters

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

I have enjoyed the reporting from the NYC courthouse regarding the Trump trial. It’s very informative and professional.

But am I the only one who gets an overwhelming urge to listen to a Simon and Garfunkel song after those segments?

Whatever Happened to Journalistic Integrity?

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

That blog post title may seem odd coming from me, but I think I have a legit reason to ask that question in light of a story that supposedly broke yesterday. Here’s one of the many headlines I have seen.

The full story can be accessed by clicking this link. Other news stories I have read even go so far as mentioning a dangerous “sarcophagas.” Hmm, now where have I heard that invented word before? Oh, right, in my award-winning micro-fiction story. Yes, I broke a deadly sarcophagas story two days prior to all the other stories published yesterday. I knew I should have trademarked that word. It’s true that these other stories contain more supposed “scientific facts,” but I will remind you that mine is the only award-winning story.

I have reached out to numerous attorneys to see if I can pursue any legal action against these media hacks with their copycat stories. Unfortunately, the only attorneys interested in representing me are busy defending Trump in various trials.

As a last recourse, I consulted noted Egyptologist Dr. Steven Martin to see if he could provide guidance. His advice follows.

Continue reading “Whatever Happened to Journalistic Integrity?” →

I Have PEED

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

It’s not what you’re thinking. I didn’t pee myself, although I have peed and will continue to pee throughout the day into a proper toilet as I write this. However, I don’t want you to get the impression that I’m writing this as I pee. That would be awkward, standing there with laptop in one hand and my dingle in the other. How would I type? Maybe with my nose, but that would surely result in a mess on the floor. And surely Shirley, my wife, would be upset. Suffice to say that I take breaks while writing to go and pee. In retrospect, I should have chosen a different title for this post.

Anyway, I have PEED – Post Ecliptical Experience Depression. I didn’t drive the 2+ hours to get into the center of the recent eclipse‘s path in order to get the full effect, and now I regret it. Friends did, and they tell me it was dark, eerie, and magnificent. I figured that at 93% coverage by me, it would be magnificent enough for someone of my ilk. I remembered the 2017 eclipse being dark and eerie. Maybe it was cloudier that day. Wasn’t it always a bit cloudier when Trump was in office? It was a perfectly sunny day for the eclipse a week ago, and the result of the eclipse out by me is that it got slightly darker and cooler. That’s it. A big nothing. I hate that the Trump eclipse was more memorable to me. Thanks, Obama.

But my PEED has slowly faded as some good things happened over the course of the past week, and I feel I can write again. Here’s what has helped me out of my PEED.

Continue reading “I Have PEED” →

My Eclipse Day is Looking Up Musically

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Today is the day of the big solar eclipse crossing the USA close to me in Chicagoland.

I started to prepare for the eclipse today, but I wondered if I should even bother for a couple reasons. First …

Continue reading “My Eclipse Day is Looking Up Musically” →

Spring Break in … St. Louis?

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

If you want, I don’t mind you nominating me for FOTY for taking my 15-year-old daughter to St. Louis for a working Spring Break last week. Maybe if I got her a t-shirt like this.

Although I probably want to continue to use that guy’s pic and not mine.

Anyway, I know you’re thinking, “Why didn’t I ever think of taking my family to the murder capital of the USA for some recreation AND forced work over Spring Break?” I can assure you that my daughter did get paid for her time, got to choose the restaurants we ate at, and got a company shirt out of the deal. (And we always felt safe.) She was happy, and that was before we even got to the attractions. First stop? The giant Union Station koi pond! Uh-oh.

Continue reading “Spring Break in … St. Louis?” →

Flies On Washington Walls #204 – American Crime

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

Continue reading “Flies On Washington Walls #204 – American Crime” →

New Music for Old Rockers – Climate Change Edition

~ Jim Flanigan ~ Leave a comment

Today is a perfect day to roll out this new song by The Decemberists. It won’t be good for long as temperatures will plunge tonight by 50 degrees F from a high today of 72F/22C to 22F/-5.5C by tomorrow morning. But for the moment, as I type, my windows are open, and I just listened to this song that makes me recall the Beach Boys on a summer day.

What a pleasant new song release in February by The Decemberists that makes me think of June, while it feels like summer on this winter day. Ugh, I’m climately confused. Anyway, I especially like the addition of the jazzy trumpet coming in at the 2:40 mark.

In addition, this song has some importance to me politically and personally. No, I don’t wish Trump would find his way down into some burial ground, and yes, I lie sometimes. No, I am not thinking of my own death more often these days, and yes again, I lie sometimes. Read on because I’m dying to tell you more.

Continue reading “New Music for Old Rockers – Climate Change Edition” →

A Divine Resolution

~ Jim Flanigan

I fulfilled my Sunday obligation and a New Year’s resolution for week #2 of 2024 by going to church on Sunday. While going to church is not something new or unusual per my New Year’s resolution, going to an Episcopal Church is. We had no idea what to expect other than it is located directly across the street from the Lutheran church we had recently abandoned because of the congregation’s homophobic harrassment of one of the one pastors who is openly gay. That pastor left the church and the area, but not before she pointed fingers on her way out. The church we left before that one had a homophobic pastor. Did we make progress going from a church with a homophobic pastor to one with a homophobic congregation?

The Flanigans don’t tolerate any mistreatment of others because of their race, creed, color, or sexual orientation. We do tolerate harmless jokes about the MAGA crowd, but that’s about it.

Q: Why did the MAGA crowd deny that German Christmas fruit bread is delicious?

A: Because Trump told them the bread is Stollen.

I literally just made up that joke, and I think that is painfully obvious. I’ll be workshopping that one for the next 11 months to get it ready for next Christmas.

Anyway, we checked on gaychurch.org (really!), and found an accepting Espiscopal church right across the street from our old church. The congregation was definitely welcoming, but seeing this as we slid into the pew was almost a deal-breaker for me.

Continue reading “A Divine Resolution” →

COVID Mystery Solved!

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

Where would I have picked-up COVID? Sure, my wife and youngest daughter had been sick, but they tested negative for COVID. I hadn’t been anywhere special to the best of my memory, but I am experiencing the famed COVID fog, so I wasn’t 100% sure. As for other COVID symptoms, they are rough, especially for an older guy like me. I’m grateful for genetics, my general good health, and previous COVID vaccinations. Oh, and I don’t want to forget the wonder drugs available to treat COVID symptoms. Neigh, I’m not horsing around and talking about Ivermectin with bleach chasers. I’m referring to wonderful COVID antiviral treatments like Paxlovid which I am currently taking.

Of course, with Paxlovid, you have to take the good with the bad, like side effects such as loss of taste and smell. My wife asked me today if I’ve lost my smell, but no, I haven’t. I smell as bad as usual. Another side effect is a metallic taste, and that I definitely have. I feel like a James Bond villian.

But the mystery gnawed at me like a diseased rat gnawing at a young waif’s leg.

Where could I have picked-up COVID?

Continue reading “COVID Mystery Solved!” →

A Lollapalooza Concert Report

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

It’s Lollapalooza weekend in Chicago, so here’s my Lolla report on the concerts I’ve seen so far. I haven’t seen any. It turns out that we needed not only a new refrigerator-freezer, but also a new hot water heater. For whatever reasons, my family insists on hot water. Bourgeois elitists. What’s next on their list of demands? Indoor plumbing?

Anyway, my concert budget plummeted to zero quicker than Trump’s chance at acquittal of all charges after another indictment. I am left with scrounging for free shows. I did get an email about a free Michael McDermott show for tonight. We have become fans, although we have seen him twice in the span of 9 months. Another time and we may graduate from fans to stalkers. And can they make this show sound a little better?

It sounds like he’ll be busking for loose change from commuters rather than headlining a free show at the Northbrook Days festival. It should be good, but it’s an hour away, so I opted for this local concert for which I “won” free tickets.

Continue reading “A Lollapalooza Concert Report” →

A Political Edition of … Am I a Bad Guy?

~ Jim Flanigan

When Trump got COVID, I really didn’t care what happened. I knew he would get the best of care, and he did. If he hadn’t recovered, well, that would have been quite ironic. But now, I find myself wanting the best of health for Trump. I want him to live a long life, at least another 20 years. The reason is that I want to see him like this …

For as long as humanly possible. Am I a bad guy?

Flies On Washington Walls #202 – The Trump Jury

~ Jim Flanigan

The Green Season

~ Jim Flanigan

I thought I was done dodging political fundraising requests for a while. We just finished up local elections this month, and I did financially support local candidates. Just to clarify, by financially supporting candidates, I mean I went to their fundraising events and did not eat or drink an inordinate amount of the free refreshments provided.

But President Uncle Joe announced his bid for a second term yesterday, and look what he texted to my phone shortly after.

Now that’s awfully nice of him to personally text me, but shouldn’t he be focused on more important issues than texting me like Ukraine, high gas prices, inflation, climate change, and if I listen to Tucker Carlson (RIP), his son Hunter’s laptop that is likely full of Hillary’s missing emails? President Uncle Joe went on in his text to ask for money, which I thought was rude. It’s kind of like asking for a gold watch before you start a job. No, wait, it’s nothing like that. I guess anytime anyone asks me for money I think it’s rude. But I did decide to donate these items to the three announced Democrat candidates for president:

Continue reading “The Green Season” →

Easter Choices

~ Jim Flanigan

My wife and I planned to go to a sunrise Easter service at a local cemetery. My wife wanted to go, because she’s a good person of faith. I wanted to go, because I was hoping it would be spooky in the cemetery. Considering we were expecting 30 relatives at our house for Easter, we chose to do other things at sunrise on Easter Sunday to prepare for our guests. As I cleaned our basement Saturday night, I made the choice to watch some episodes of Expedition Unknown on the Discovery Channel which involved Jesus, Moses, and the Dead Sea Scrolls. I think that fulfilled my Sunday obligation.

We had some younger kids coming over on Easter, so I busted out the games. In the basement, we had air hockey, Twister, and Hungry, Hungry Hippos ready to be played, and they were. Thanks to some wonderful weather, I set up a few games throughout our ample backyard. However, choices were made by our guests to specifically not play one of the games. So, now is your chance to play a game and see if you can choose the game not played by our guests. Here are 3 of the games: badminton, bags, and ladderball.

Which game went untouched?

Continue reading “Easter Choices” →

Merry Arrestmas

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 3 Comments

During this Arrestmas season, have you noticed how Republicans won’t say, “Merry Arrestmas” and will only say “Happy Holidays” or “Fuck off?” Come to think of it, they always say the latter to me. Dare I suggest that Republicans are waging a War on Arrestmas?

Okay, so I vowed in my last post not to go back to Trump coverage, but a friend sent me this today.

Continue reading “Merry Arrestmas” →

At a Crossroads

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 2 Comments

I haven’t blogged for over a week. It would have felt good to take a blogcation except I was sick. Not that you cared. I didn’t receive one Get Well Soon balloon bouquet from any readers. I’m telling myself that maybe you tried but encountered some difficulties getting it to me.

Or, it may be due to what I hear is a helium shortage. Thanks, Biden. It’s hard for me to confirm such a shortage, because helium is an invisible gas.

A huge reason that I couldn’t blog this past week is because of writing.

Continue reading “At a Crossroads” →

Angle From Mar-a-Lago on Arrestmas Eve

~ Jim Flanigan ~ 1 Comment

One of my favorite John Prine songs is “Angel From Montgomery,” although I slightly prefer Bonnie Raitt’s cover to Prine’s original. And when the two of them shared a stage and that song shortly before Prine’s passing, well …

That’s where I got the title for today’s blog post. Yeah, I know I spelled angel wrong. I’ll get to that later. But this is not really a music post, and it has nothing to do with Prine, Raitt, or that song. However, I felt I needed to post something positive and beautiful before foisting this picture upon you on Arrestmas Eve.

Continue reading “Angle From Mar-a-Lago on Arrestmas Eve” →

Florida Blob

~ Jim Flanigan

I saw this headline recently.

Upon reading that, I immediately thought to myself, “Hmm, I swear Trump already lives in Florida.”

It turns out it is this lovely sargassum seaweed that may soon blanket Florida beaches.

Coming soon to a Mar-a-Lago beach. Enjoy!