Jugs of Urine

No, Jugs of Urine is not a new exercise craze like Buns of Steel was many years ago.

No, jugs of urine is what I get paid money for. Yes, people pay for my pee-pee. Why?

Well, I’m part of a clinical trial to measure the effects of spermidine supplements. Go ahead, now’s a good time to get your jokes out. Yes, I take the spermidine orally. No, I don’t use any protection of any kind. Are you done with your childish tittering? I’ll have you know that spermidine is a naturally occuring substance found in aged cheese, mushrooms, soy products, legumes, corn, and whole grains. The study is to see if spermidine supplements help with anti-aging and cardiovascular health.

But like I really care. Come and get my liquid gold and don’t forget your cash. I mean, I collect my urine daily anyway, so why not get paid for it? It’s really top quality pee. However, the quality far outweighs the quantity. For my first collection day, they provided me these 2 giant jugs to fill with 24 hours of urine (Note to self: Possible short story title).

As you can see, I barely even started to fill one of those twin towers. After seeing my output, they downgraded me to a single junior jug for the next round. I responded with more disappointing results.

Even worse, they used the junior-sized cuff on me when they took my blood pressure. How emasculating! But I’ll be fine as long as they continue to pay me with normal size dollar bills.

As an aside, the person who drew my blood on my last visit went to the Don Felder concert I passed on. She told me it was good and that she and her husband did NOT have to take a shuttle bus. She said her husband had the patience to drive around near the show until a parking spot opened up. It was the correct decision for me to pass on that concert as I have as little parking patience as I do urine in a 24 hour period.


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