I was going to start 2020 with the Top 10 List in this post below. And then I thought, “No, let’s not start 2020 with a classless post. Let’s stay classy and have a great 2020.” Well, you know that’s a pipe dream now with the COVID-19 coronavirus crashing our 2020 party. I’m currently eating corn on the cob for breakfast so we have cobs available for when we run out of toilet paper, and I’ll soon head out to collect filth for our dinner tonight.
And what do watch as we eat another filth casserole for dinner? Netflix is so strained that all we can get to stream without constant buffering is a documentary on the Republicans race to the White House in 2008. You know what that means? You betcha’ … more Sarah Palin.
So, it has come to this. The Top 10 list I didn’t want to use in 2020 follows. Sorry.
Top 10 Hair to Transplant to my Head
I need a hair transplant. I don’t get the whole concept of taking hair from other parts of your head to transplant on top. I just generally don’t have enough. If they take hair from the sides to put on top, I’ll end up with a mohawk. I know they can take hair from anywhere to transplant onto the head, so here are my Top 10 donor hair sites I want them to use.
10) Nose. I hope I have enough elsewhere so that it doesn’t come to this.
9) Ear. Well, at least there’s plenty of it that I don’t need, but lots of kinky ones.
8) Knuckle. I have no need for this hair, so why not get rid of it and fill in some spots. Thankfully (but sadly for the transplant), I don’t have much.
7) Toe/Foot. See Knuckle reasoning above.
6) Chest. I kind of like my chest hair, but have enough to spare some for reassignment.
5) Face. Got lots of this. I can grow a killer beard and mustache, but it is so much work to maintain. Take some.
4) Arm. I like my arm hair. I enjoy combing and styling it before hitting the town. But there’s plenty. Take some. Start on the upper arm, please.
3) Leg. I think it is a thing that old guys lose their leg hair, so take some now. Again, still plenty left.
2) Neck. Isn’t this the logical donor site? When I cut my hair (yes, it has gotten to that), I shave my neck, so let’s put that neck hair to good use on the top of the head.
1) Back. Let’s start here and see if any other donor sites are even needed. Thankfully for now, it doesn’t grow too long, but it could provide a good hair base on top before looking for hair elsewhere.
Until that glorious day comes when I have toe hair growing from the top of my head, I guess I’ll just keep potential donors neatly trimmed.
Jim Flanigan Looks at the World 