I have a friend who started a big new job and traveled to orientation in New York this past week. Each morning he was in NY, I texted him some words of inspiration and advice to help him navigate through the corporate jungle and survive without getting his privates nibbled off, unless he likes that kind of stuff. Then I said to myself, “Hey, I should share these gems with the world. There are lots of people starting new jobs that could benefit from these. Now what should I have for breakfast? No, dear. I’m not talking to myself again.”

Here they are in no particular order except chronological.

Monday’s Tip

You can’t fail if you don’t try.

 

Tuesday’s Tip

No problem is too big to be ignored.

Wednesday’s Tip

Even though your boss puts his pants on one leg at a time, his pants are better than your pants. If your boss is a woman who wears skirts, this one doesn’t work well. Call in sick.

Wise guy.

Thursday’s Tip

Caution: A ‘Tempting Office Romance’ can easily become ‘Commence Pantie For Gift.’

Friday’s Tip

The water in the office water cooler is likely laced with mind-numbing, obedience-inducing drugs that can be removed simply by gargling after each sip before you swallow.

Swallow dammit! I know, I know. I just used that gif recently in another recent post, but she’s just so darn cute that I couldn’t resist.

Congrats on your new job! I hope it works out well for you.

But keep some perspective. It may not work out as you had hoped. Sometimes you just can’t have your cake and eat it, too.