Today is Leap Day.

It is a day that does not really exist.

You can tell by testing for helium in the atmosphere today … none.

You will probably not see a balloon flying today.

If you do, look for the strings holding it up.

Nothing you do today is real or matters, except for murder and other capital offenses.

There is no explanation for that. Those are just the Leap Day rules. Abide.

If you do not abide, there will be repercussions that may or may not require cosmetic or cosmic surgery to correct. If you do not understand the difference between the two, stop reading now and go back to bed … fast.

If you are already in bed, pull the covers up as high as they will go.

The universe will revert to the previous day at midnight tonight.

Do not pay parking fines today. If you do, there may be a Denver Boot in your future, unless you live in Salt Lake City. They use Kansas City Boots there.

If you think this is nonsense, look at the NBA and NHL standings tomorrow. Any games “played” today will not be counted in the standings.

And any pictures you take today will no longer be on your camera.

Have a great Leap Day!