Is the red carpet at the Academy Awards huge like that kid says? Don’t ask me. It looks like I’ll never know. I should’ve known better than to buy a plane ticket to the 2023 Academy Awards so far in advance. You remember the Oscar I was almost assured of winning? Well, now that’s slipped out of my grasp.
I was cut from the movie. I didn’t even make it onto the cutting room floor. My scene was cut before filming even began. I was given some lame excuse about the restaurant my scene was to be filmed in was no longer available. I suspect it was the dastardly work of one of them jealous Hollyweird types like Matt Damon. He’s very paranoid about anyone else succeeding.
See what I mean? I wasted a whole week experimenting with make-up and mugging into the mirror to practice stealing the scene.
It was so weird watching the Academy Awards, knowing that I will probably be walking the red carpet there next year. Yep, I got the script for the movie that I will be in, and I see an Oscar in my future. Here’s the part of the script that pertains to me.
“They endure whispers and stares from the sparse all white, post lunch crowd.“
Hey, that’s me, one of the sparse, all white, restaurant patrons. I fully expect a nomination for Best Extra in a Non-Speaking Background Role in a Short-Subject Film. I’m trying to pattern my whispering after Norm Macdonald.
Now that’s top notch whispering. And as far as staring …
I’m not sure why my last post was sadder. Was it because I did not get an extra role in the Netflix series filming in my town this past week, or was it because I have a pathetic desire to get on television? Maybe both?
Well, I turned the page and snagged a movie role instead. Could there be an Oscar in my future? Definitely! I think Oscar is the name of the cameraman who will be filming the movie.
So, which movie? Here’s a synopsis.
And did I snag the lead role of old racist George?
I had plans to revive my television career and win an Emmy in 2022, but those plans took a hit this past weekend. Oh, did I bury the lead that I previously had a career in television? I had a supporting role on the game show Shop ’til You Drop. I was on a business trip to California many years ago, went to watch a Shop ’til You Drop taping in Hollywood, and was plucked out from among the rabble in the studio audience to play a supporting role on that episode. I got to wear a colorful clown wig saturated with shampoo that contestants smelled in an effort to guess the brand of shampoo. I wore the wig well, bringing a never before seen regal dignity to the role and fully expected an Emmy nomination for my performance. Sadly, it never came. Probably due to the Irish prejudice rife in Hollywood in those days as evidenced by this Itchy & Scratchy cartoon from that era.
After hanging around the studio’s back alley entrance for a few weeks unsuccessfully waiting to be discovered after my breakout role, I grudgingly left Sin City to return to my career as the Sales & Marketing Manager for a Midwestern temperature sensor manufacturer. Yawn. It was difficult after having tasted the forbidden fruit growing on the seamy underbelly of Hollywood. Oh, wait, scratch that. I forgot, my wife sometimes reads this mess.
Anyhoo, I fully expected that my television career was about to be resurrected this past weekend after seeing this in the local paper.