After making my screen debut in 2022 and positively sizzling on the silver screen in such movie roles as bar patron, funeral mourner, and HS social studies teacher, there is no doubt that Hollywood has taken notice of my considerable acting skills and ability to eat an excessive share of the free refreshments set out for the actors and extras. It’s true that I have not yet received a nomination for an Oscar, Golden Globe, or even a People’s Choice Award, as if I would even accept a nomination for that last one. However, I know Hollywood has their eyes on me. How do I know? I received this invitation the other day.Continue reading “Hollywood Called But Got My Voicemail”
Yesterday Was a Weird Day
I started yesterday with a Wordle that I swore I had solved in 2 … then 3 … then 4 … then 5 … then 6 … then nope.
Was I becoming cognitively impaired, or was it just bad luck guessing? Any regular reader of this blog will choose the former. I even harbored thoughts of it as I got word that yet another of my cousins who is my age now is showing signs of dementia. But I chalked it up to bad luck guessing and got ready to continue my career in the cinema.
No, I wasn’t hired as an usher at the local Megaplex. I had a paying gig as a film extra playing a funeralgoer at Graceland Cemetery. Not Elvis’s final resting place in Graceland in Tennessee as I had originally thought, but Graceland Cemetery in Chicago.
Traffic was light and I made it to the Chicago cemetery faster than Google said I would. I parked and had a distance to walk to the chapel where the filming would take place. That’s when I hitchhiked for the first time in my life.Continue reading “Yesterday Was a Weird Day”
Can I Win an Oscar Posthumously?
After my stirring, unpaid, non-speaking (who needs words when one can emote like I do?) rendition of a Restaurant/Bar Patron in the highly-anticipated, expected-blockbuster of a short film titled 32 Degrees, of course the next logical step for me was to get a paid, speaking role in the full length feature film El Frio Silencio, right? By the way, that title is Spanish for The Frio Silencio. Something just wasn’t adding up, but there was the role of Social Studies teacher Mr. Warren being dangled in front of me.
I saw a social media post from the Director that the classroom had already been arranged.
That was indeed the classroom we used for filming with me at the front forgetting my lines. I think we shot this new film in the same school in which the Director’s 2017 film The Wild Cats was filmed when I’ll bet he was a student at that school at that time. Here’s the trailer for his 2017 film The Wild Cats.Continue reading “Can I Win an Oscar Posthumously?”
Today I’m off to a movie shoot for a paid speaking role in an independent film. It’s about time all my minutes of hard work pay off. More on the movie in another post. But I’ve somehow gone from a restaurant patron extra with my back to the camera who only pretends to speak to a speaking role with way more lines than I wanted or can remember.
As I practice my lines, I seem to only be able to remember dialogue from The Munsters old TV show and one other line. It’s from a Seinfeld episode when Kramer has a single line in a movie.
I just know I’m going to inadvertently say that line rather than what is in the script at some point today. And I have another funny joke to tell you, but … dammit … Line!
Mite Be Funny #287
That’s a Wrap!
Filming finished last week on the set of 32 Degrees, the comedy short film that used me as an extra. I didn’t get much screen time the first day, so when I reported to the director for the second day of filming, I requested he highlight my best side. He agreed and promptly positioned me with my back to the camera. But, I did get to turn around to react appropriately when something happened in the film.
And I got to turn to the side (my one semi-good side!) to pretend to speak to someone else at the table who was off screen. We pretend-spoke about alien abductions in case you are interested.
Once the extras were done filming, we were dismissed way too early for me to stuff my pockets with snacks. I did snap this selfie for my memory scrapbook.Continue reading “That’s a Wrap!”
Lights … Camera … Inaction!
After several attempts, I finally made it onto a movie set last night … and I didn’t sneak in. I was there to be filmed and likely turned into a matinee idol and overnight sensation. No, it isn’t a major motion picture. It’s a short comedy film that will undoubtedly net me an Academy Award nomination for Best Background Extra Who Can Barely Be Seen.
Upon arriving on time to the movie set in a Chicago restaurant, I sat for an hour. It turns out that there’s lots of sitting around on movie sets waiting for something, anything to happen. Fortunately, there were plenty of snacks for us extras to gorge on. Sure, we are unpaid extras, but do you have any idea how many bags of fruit snacks I can cram into my pants pockets?
The set looked something like this.
In fact, it looked exactly like that … except when there was a giant 8 foot tall polar bear in the shot. Then it looked more like this.Continue reading “Lights … Camera … Inaction!”
My Dermatologist Doesn’t Want Me to be a Star
Who does? I’ve encountered all sorts of obstacles on my way to Hollywood. My first movie role as Racist Restaurant Patron was eliminated when my scene was cut after the restaurant backed out of allowing filming in their place. I secured my next role as Office Worker, but family obligations conspired to keep me from attending the filming. We celebrated our youngest daughter’s church confirmation on the morning of filming and attended an Eagle Scout ceremony during the afternoon of filming. By the way, the Scoutmaster really missed a great opportunity at the end of the Eagle Scout ceremony. How about finishing up the ceremony by rocking out to Robin Trower’s “Day of the Eagle?”
I did audition for a speaking part as Family Member #2 in a film but was not selected for the role. I guess that’s more on me than anyone else’s fault because of my complete lack of acting talent or training. I have an audition this weekend for a speaking role in an indie feature film about punk music called Screw City. I’m hoping my affinity for punk music will be evident and make them overlook my dearth of acting talent and training I mentioned before.
So, you may be wondering what my dermatologist has to do with all this. Well, I went under her knife this week for a skin cancer removal through Moh’s surgery, which I understood to be a gentle scraping of layers off my skin until all the cancer can be confirmed removed. Instead, it looks more like I had Moe’s surgery.
I’ll caution those more sensitive readers (what are you doing at this blog anyway?) to not click to continue reading. This is the result of my surgery.Continue reading “My Dermatologist Doesn’t Want Me to be a Star”