My Medical Dilemma

I continued to stick to my New Year’s resolution of trying something new or unusual each week. Last week, I got my first colonoscopy. That was not my medical dilemma though. I was a bit overdue for a colonoscopy, and it turned out to not be the horrible experience I expected. I had a nice pleasant buzz on for about 30 minutes after coming out from under anesthesia.

They didn’t find any obvious cancer, but they did remove two hopefully benign polyps that were just so darn cute. They looked like little colon nipples.

I can’t wait to get them back and proudly display them in a jar on our fireplace mantle. I even picked out names for the two polyps. What do you think of these names?

Polypester for the girl polyp and Polypgon for the boy polyp. But Polypgon with a soft G sound, like when people call a gif a jif. Polypgon will be pronounced like Polypjon so it sounds like a boy’s name. I know, I could have started with Polypjon, but there isn’t such a thing as a polyjon, so it really wouldn’t have been clever wordplay now would it?

But naming my polyps was not my medical dilemma. Even having to drink the gallon of foul-tasting laxative water the day before and experiencing the unpleasant results was not my medical dilemma. But my medical dilemma did occur the day before my colonoscopy when I was supposed to be fasting.

I happened to have been booked to participate in a pie-related focus group on my fasting day. I figured eating a couple bites of pie wouldn’t ruin my colonoscopy. Coincidentally, I saw on Twitter that day was National Pie Day.

It seemed criminal to not eat a few bites of pie on National Pie Day. However, it turned out that the focus group was for pie packaging and not the pie itself. Sure, there was pie available. At one point, I had two apple pies sitting right in front of me. I could see them (they looked delicious), smell them (they smelled yummy), touch them (they felt fresh), but I couldn’t eat them. Not one little taste. I was teetering between finishing the pie packaging focus group and collecting my modest stipend or getting thrown out after doing this.

That was my medical dilemma. But I remained strong. I walked out pieless. My colon was certified pie-free for my colonoscopy. And I was rewarded handsomely after my clean colonoscopy. Take a look at the snazzy socks I got to keep after the procedure.

Finn obviously approves. Lola, too.

And to keep my New Year’s resolution going for another week, this sounds like a good time to reward myself for a successful colonoscopy and try a pie flavor I’ve never tried before. It may be challenging to find one.