I Finally Believe in Astrology

I read some science news that’s not exactly recent, but it is new to me, and now astrology finally makes sense to me. I’m a Sagittarius, not that any of you care. Where were all my birthday cards and gifts last month? Didn’t you take the hint when I wasted a whole blog post on what size clothes I wear? Maybe wasted is too strong a word considering the normal drivel I foist upon you through this blog.

Anyway, I recently learned of Sagittarius B2 which is a colossal molecular cloud located 390 light years from the center of the Milky Way. You can read all about it in this article. As I read through the article, I can see why I am a Sagittarius. I am so similar to Sagittarius B2 that it’s scary. This list is no coincidence.

  • Sagittarius B2 is full of dust. I’m so old, I’m turning to dust as I type. My keyboard needs to be dusted daily.
  • Sagittarius B2 is not only full of dust, but also gas. Me, too! And it’s not just gas, but some of the gas in Sagittarius B2 is propyl cyanide, a deadly gas. Just ask anyone who has shared an elevator with me about deadly gas.
  • Along with the deadly gas, Sagittarius B2 also contains huge amounts of ethyl formate, which is the chemical responsible for giving raspberries their flavor. I love raspberries! I have waxed poetic about them before on this blog. They are my favorite fruit.
  • But it’s not just a raspberry smell that connects me to Sagittarius B2. It also smells of rum, my favorite mixer for drinks.
  • Finally, Sagittarius B2 is dense, 40 times as dense as a normal molecular cloud. Hey, I’m dense, too.

After decades of being an astrology-denier, I finally believe. Let’s see what my horoscope says today.

“Sagittarians should not get out of bed today unless absolutely necessary. And by necessary, we do include bathroom bodily functions in that category even if you normally don’t. However, don’t stay in the bathroom too long for such frivolities as teeth brushing (tooth brushing for some of our carnival worker readers) or flossing. Those can wait until next week. Get back under the covers quickly. You need your beauty sleep. Have you looked in a mirror recently? If not, take a stiff drink before you do. Before you go back to sleep, take a short nap first. Don’t set an alarm. You’re alarming enough already. Check back tomorrow for additional instructions as to where to send money to help Stop The Steal. Q”

Well, that all makes sense to me. Gotta go. It’s nap time. Zzzzzzz.


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