Superheroes with Super Powers

I’m short on time these days because of being in an actual election race, but I did want to take time to point out some real-life superheroes with super powers. My wife works in education, so she is now fully vaccinated against COVID, which I believe makes her immortal. Now is probably a good time to consider canceling her unnecessary life insurance policy.

Teachers and support staff deserve it. They have been some of the superheroes on the front lines during this pandemic. But what about me? I want some super powers, too. I immediately thought about my ability to flare my nostrils. But once I cranked up the Google machine, I see others have this maybe not-so-super power, too.

I do like how his nostrils flare into sort of a heart shape. I would show you a gif of mine flaring, but nobody wants to see up my nostrils until I give them a good pruning. Unfortunately, my nose hair trimmer is a bit low on gas and oil these days.

But I did think of a super power I definitely have. That’s good considering I could win a quarter million dollars with it from the Center for Inquiry. That link gets you to their website page with lots of stories about the quarter mil challenge. So far, nobody has collected. But has anyone shown off this super power that I have?

I have the super power of always truthfully answering “no” whenever my 12 year old daughter asks me if I know where something or someone is.

12: Have you seen my hairbrush? Me: Nope.

12: Where’s my earbuds? Me: Where are my earbuds, and I have no clue.

12: Where’s Mom? Me: I do not know and don’t care. She can take care of herself now that she’s immortal.

Maybe you remain unconvinced of my super powerosity. How about this one? I have the super power to know the exact time to get up to get food or go to the bathroom to miss the next goal or touchdown being scored during a televised game.

You may still be unconvinced of my super powerliciousness, but take a look at these guys running on water.

I would try it myself except for being too old, fat, and slow. As I tried to think of ways around that trifecta of failure, I did learn that it was all a spoof as part of a shoe marketing campaign.

Stop laughing at me, guy in picture. There’s no doubt about this moose’s powers though as it runs across water.

But I always knew about the super powers of the moose from watching the TV when I was very little.

Does doing a killer Bullwinkle impression count as a super power? If not, maybe I am out of ways to convince you of my super poweration. I’ll leave you with a hint as to how you can get a super power – get vaccinated and join the ranks of the immortal.


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