I Have an Old Man’s Leg

No, not that wooden one shown as the featured pic. And I know, if I have an old man’s leg, I should return it. But this one is mine, literally. I was mucking about in the wilds of our property defoliating an area (should have used the Agent Orange on clearance at the Army surplus store), and I know I cut up my legs a bit. Either every cut got infected or I’m allergic to whatever cut my legs, because now I have one that looks like this with ulcers and sores all over …

Editor’s Note: Click to read more at your own risk, but definitely not immediately before, during, or shortly after a meal.

I know what you’re thinking. Yes, they are awfully cute toes, but the rest of the foot and leg?

That’s right, junior. That is one gross old man leg. I must have led with my right leg through the underbrush as my left leg is almost sore-free. But the right? Full of ulcerous sores like I have some old man disease. For all I know, I do!

But at least I can still have fun with it. If I use it a lot, like for walking and standing and other frivolous tasks like that, it swells up like my belly at Thanksgiving dinner. Aw, who I am kidding? It swells up like my belly after every meal. No, wait, that’s wrong, too. My belly is always swollen. Anyway, I keep my leg raised a lot now, which is highly inconvenient for the walking and standing.

Well, I hope you had a bit of a laugh at the expense of my old man leg. The rest of my body is not too far behind, so maybe we can share a chuckle over my hand, pancreas, or elbow soon.